Worried about getting a diagnosis

[bananananacoconuts]

I've been trying for around a year now to get my ds referred for an assessment for asd/adhd and he also has signs of ocd.
I have had to jump through a lot of hoops and kiss a lot of arses. Original GP told me to go through school nurse and fill in a CAF form, i did that. They said i had to complete a parenting course, done that. I have also had a family support worker round once a week to observe us for the past 9 weeks. She is coming round with her supervisor next week and has said that i am then free to go back to (new, more supportive) GP and ask to be referred as i've done all i can and so ds needs to go on a behaviour pathway (i think this is what it's called!)
I am now worried! Worried that i 've waited so long and reality seems to have blurred slightly! Support worker says ds is a definite handful and has numerous quirks but obviously it is not her place to.diagnose or give opinion.
I suppose what i'm trying to get round to is how likely is it to get a diagnosis after the rigmarole i have gone through over the past year? If there was nothing worth investigating would they have put a stop to the process by now or could ds be referred and then we could be told he is completely "normal"?
I am so scared that i'll have a breakdown if ds does not get a diagnosis. What sort of terrible mother will i be to put my son through this if he has no problems whatsoever?
Has anyone else felt like this? I'm scared that i'm trying to label my ds and really it's all in my head! What do i do?!?

No one can really predict how likely a dx will be but one thing you can guarantee within yourself is that you have taken part in all the requests by the present professionals so that is already crossed off the list and no one can insist its your parenting!

Tbh IME I think the longer the process goes on the more circles you go round and then comes the point of doubting yourself. These assessments are harrowing and stressful for our children which puts the pressure on us to want it done and dusted as fast as possible. After 14 months I was wondering if it was all in my head! (well that was suggested once and that stuck) Still went for second opinion and was really expecting them to tell me I am just going mad.

Polters advise is correct. Logs, videos and diaries are valuable to support your concerns.

Thank you both for your answers. It's not good, but good to hear that other people have doubts coff33! Ds is having a relatively good time of it at the moment which always makes me wonder if all of his previous episodes have been a figment of my imagination, or even my doing! He still has his stims and anxiety but we haven't had a tantrum in over a week!
I think i'm just worried now that it's finally happening. I know i'll need some sort of help if he gets no diagnosis, as when he's bad, it's hell and i'll feel like i've failed if his behaviour is classed as "normal"
I have lots of notes polter and i've passed them on to our new GP when i went to visit him to keep him up to date with the situation. I've tried to write down what happens before a tantrum and after but it just seems to be when he's not getting his own way, or if he's been warned about something and then taken away from a situation he doesn't understand.
Eg the last tantrum he had was because we were at the park and he said to his friend (they are both 6) that's a baby tshirt you're wearing. His friend got upset and asked ds not to say that again but he said it is! It's for a baby. I gave him the warning that his friend didn't like him saying that so could he stop please. The tshirt is not for a baby as friend is 6. If you say that again you'll have to go home. 2 mins later......he says Anyway you must be zero because you're wearing a baby tshirt! I always stick to my word, so i said Ds you were asked not to say that to friend so now we are going home.
Meltdown of the highest order, but later when we were discussing it, he just didn't understand that he shouldn't have said it as he believed it to be a tshirt for a baby! We went round in circles at the injustice of my punishment because he thought he was just stating a fact!
Sorry that was a long example but is that the sort of thing i should be logging? Daily logs may be rather dull but i could jot down specifics that concern me.
Thanks for your help ladies.

Not critical at all, in fact it's good to know, thank you!
One of my main problems (my problem, not his!) is what people think of him. I feel like i want a label so people know his behaviour is not necessarily bad, but it's just the way he is. There is a boy in ds's class who is on the spectrum and has a lot of empathy from teachers, parents and children. Ds shows some stimming and anxiety at school but is mostly just seen as a naughty boy. School seem to think it's behavioural rather than anything else but support worker has said this may change in september when he's in y3 as he reaches the juniors and it becomes cheaper to assess in child in school (think this is true!)
It's dreadful to want a label for your child isn't it

It's not dreadful wanting a label. You just want some answers and understanding of your child. Don't be so hard on your self. I flit between wanting a dx and retreating back to denial

Its not dreadful wanting a label. When DS got his DH said to me he now has his golden ticket to help us help him get support.

It has proved invaluable as whilst its still a massive struggle to get it we keep blinding them with the golden ticket until they do :)

I thought i'd be flamed for admitting i wanted a label! Thanks for all your support. Just as i think i am knowledgable, more things floor me!

Hi Bananacocounuts, I don?t have anything useful to say but just wanted to send sympathy. I?m sorry the school aren?t being very supportive, we were lucky that DS?s class teacher had spotted DS for an Aspie (or similar) very early on so she didn?t see him as ?naughty? though he had some dreadful behaviour, and she helped as much as she could with getting the diagnosis. Aspies can vary so much, sometimes non-expert people see a few children and think ?that?s what it?s like? and maybe they don?t recognise a child with a very different way of being Aspie.

A lot of the obviously ?Aspie? behaviour can disappear when kids are feeling relaxed and calm and confident and not under stress. And it depends on how other people communicate with them, so Aspie kids often get on better with adults one-to-one than with a group of kids their own age. And they get used to communicating with familiar people, and we get used to them, so some problems can seem to disappear. But the various people who assessed DS deliberately pushed his limits, which he hated but it showed up his problems very clearly.

DS?s label was a blessing all round - it got the help and understanding he needed. I did have mixed feelings about it though, I also felt very sad and in a way I wished it had been my fault because then I could have made it all better!

You are doing your very best for your DS, he?s lucky to have you fighting his corner.