please help, I CANNOT get him to leave the house

[cardboardcactus]

I really need some help on this, I'm going out of my mind. DS (8yo, aspie) will not leave the house without a huge bloody palaver, and I mean huge. Which is bad enough on weekends but tomorrow it's back to summer playscheme and I know he won't go (he has already started telling me that today, and I will only get him out of the door if I physically overpower him, and drag/push him out of the door screaming- to my eternal shame, this is what happened on Friday. His usual school refusal has translated into playscheme refusal. Am going back to work tomorrow after some weeks off due to stress, and we're no better off with everything than when i initially took time out. He is so rigid. Have had the most awful weekend. At work they're all very kind and saying things like 'don't come back til you're ready' etc. Have 2 weeks of playscheme before i'm scheduled to be on annual leave til the end of the school hols. Do i just extend my sick leave. No idea what to do. Tearing my hair out.

is there anything that he does or has that helps him relax that he can take with him.
My ds is also very reluctant to leave the house sensory OT is the only thing that has helped.

That's interesting, mymatemax, do you mind me asking how sensory OT helped? DS has had a referral for sensory OT and we're waiting for an appointment.

I had chat with DS's paediatrician today and she was v clear that she felt he shouldn't go back to this play group, or indeed any other right now. I've talked to my work, and I'm doing a combination of working at home and weird hours to fit round DP's hours, so basically we won't need to do any childcare now for the rest of the summer. Feel a bit drained by it all but glad it's (kind of) resolved. Will have to start thinking soon though what we do for future school breaks, but not tonight!

Glad it's kind of worked out. Don't look to far into the future, one step at a time

That's good news about work at least.

For future holidays, do you know any older teens who'd be willing to stay with him while you're at work? He's getting to an age where he doesn't need full on childcare, just someone on hand in case of emergency.

vimeo.com/52193530 Always worth the two minutes it takes to watch how a busy, noisy school/playscheme/restaurant/café is for 8 out of 10 of us. No wonder we fight for our very lives not to be put into the places.
No easy answers, but it's a very real situation for us.

vimeo.com/52193530

Thanks amberlight. That's a very moving piece of film. I felt so protective of the boy in it, but sad that it's taking me so long to understand DS, that I put him in situations that are so tough for him. I'm learning though....

Are you claiming Disability Living Allowance for your DS? It?s worth claiming (though the form is horrible); and depending on what level of DLA you get, you might also be able to claim Carer?s Allowance if you findyou really couldn?t work for a while. I claimed both for a couple of years, when DS was first diagnosed and he was very unstable and needy, and I didn?t have suitable childcare in place.

Thanks, yes, have been wading through the DLA form for ages! Will complete and send off this weekend. If they give me DLA allowance, which I hope/assume I will, it will enable my stay being part-time. Normally I work 3 days a week and I think I can cope with that, but unfortunately I agreed to up my hours to full time for a year. Bad, bad timing! Not sure i can complete the contract- might have to end it early. Really want to support DS more, and get to understand him better so I know how to.

They carried out a full assessment, looked out how he moved, interacted played, the psychologist also spent a lot of time with him & he had regular sensory therapy.
DS2 is very passive & reluctant to move always wanting to be wrapped up & sucking or pressing against things.
So they worked on exercises to stimulate him but in a more physical way so he's getting the stimulation he craves.
Some of his sensory behaviours were also no longer age appropriate & he was aware & choosing to stay at home rather be seen out with his sucky toys etc. They taught him to replace these with more age appropriate behaviour.
It definitely helped although I think we have slipped a lot with his exercise structure & programme as I can see lots of the old ways creeping back in so I think for DS2 it is always going to be something we have to manage.

I am also reading this post with interest. At what age can you legally leave them at home alone does anybody know? Sometimes I have to walk the dog which takes 40 mins is that acceptable? What age are they legally allowed to go out on their own?

There is no legal age - it's down to common sense. Social Services' view has always been that primary school age children should not be left unsupervised, and neither should any that have difficulties with staying safe. Same rule of common sense for play outside and with friends. Establishing really good safety rules and communication rules is important, with small tests first before going for bigger tests if they prove reliable.