Family!!!!

[Strongecoffeeismydrug]

Well DS has had a dx for over 4 years now and my family still don't get it.
They slowly over the years have isolated me from all parties, get togethers and all because I might bring "the boy" with me.
Friends are long gone too as ds doesn't tolerate people in his home.
Autism I can cope with but the isolation is driving me potty.
I've finally had it out with all my family this week about how life is but will things change ohhhhh nooooo( apparently its me in the wrong for not making the effort, even if I haven't had an invite)
The really painful thing is we were so close until the day ds was dx.

Feel for you strong my family were never close so it doesnt effect me so much but it does get me down that only one member of my family bothers to take my opinion and experience seriously.

Others will randomly change plans at the last minute or be very intolerant when Dd3 is being a bit ott.

I have a couple of good friends who have stuck by me and that is about it really.

Be kind to yourself and good luck

I feel for you too. Family just don't "get " ds and say we should just make him do things. Our ds also can't tolerate people in the home, so we like you see very few people. He will make a big effort to go somewhere he finds difficult and then family will say "see he is fine, you just give in to him to much"!!! The fact that he then wont come out of his room for the next few days in unseen by them.

I've been going through a similar thing, I think the holidays just bring out the worst in families. Since my two were diagnosed, my sister (who has two young girls) and my brother's girlfriend (with one girl from a previous relationship and their one year old) seem to have closed ranks and shut me and my two ASD DSs out. My brother pretty much goes with what his girlfriend says - he just doesn't want any trouble generally, he's an amiable sort.

Never mind that they'd never hurt a fly and really adore their cousins, they haven't been invited round for a couple of years now, and any invitations seem to be met with comments like 'Oh, we would, but we're sooooo busy!'. I can understand busy, I am too, but I can make time for a visit every six months ffs!

Then there's the little critiques of my parenting - if DS2 is having a tantrum because a bit of grass got into his ice cream it's obviously because I spoil him, but if I don't let him stay up til 10pm (I know what a nightmare the next day will be if his routine is gone and he then can't sleep for hours) then I'm too strict (these were at my parents's house btw, the only place we still meet!).

It's all so stressful I'm just not sure if it's worth the hassle any more, but I really grieve for the relationship we used to have and it makes me feel really alone, so I understand what you're feeling :(

I am going to give you a hug and say dont waste your energy on making family "see"

My friends are on this board if I need advise or the share of a happy moment. They dont exist in RL apart from polite chit chat on how things are going.

Very hard I know especially if you are a social person who enjoys company and likes to socialise. (I dont do the going to parties stuff lol)

Maybe despite them putting the blame on your shoulders you have given them food for thought. I hope that they do chew it over and realise how wrong they are being but dont lose sleep over them and concentrate on your immediate family around you

Your post made me feel really sad for you and your DS. I think you need to find people who can support you and understand your situation and you won't feel so isolated.

Could you join your local branch of the NAS, I think our local branch arranges activities for its members. Also, if you have a supportive SENCO at school, could you ask them to maybe facilitate you meeting other parents in your DS's school who also have kids with additional needs. Or how about Mumsnet local? I even noticed recently our local cinema has autism friending screenings of certain films.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful, but if your family are going to take this attitude you are probably going to have to find support elsewhere and maybe meeting other parents and families who are in the same situation will help both you.

Thanks ladies its nice to see that you lot understand where I'm coming from.
I'm feeling much better now I've deleted them all from my Facebook so I know longer get all the pics of the things I'm not invited to.
I'm lucky really that I am able to work a few days a week so I do get adult company.
I'm also lucky that ds loves to be out and about so I'm never in the house for days on end ( food and clothes shopping are his obsessions) .
I also have a NT older daughter who is fantastic company,and I have a lovely partner who dotes on his kids.
I'm going to focus on all the positives and if they don't want to be part of it then their loss.

loves shopping? Can we borrow him please?

Sounds to me from reading that post you got a great little family and some great support and company. You are right it is their loss and I suspect you will all function better without them x

I am the same I go to work and joe public is my "chit chat" for the day. Then I get enough chit chat from DS lol till bed time!

I think you have made a good decision to take them off Facebook. I have also decided to stop putting myself forward for a slap in the face from my sister. She knows very little about ds' difficulties. When we came back from a gruelling six hour assessment for ds she listened to what I said for about two mins before changing the subject to some minor detail of her life.
At the start of the summer hols she text me and said although she was happy for our dds to play together she didn't want her ds and my ds to spend any time together. :( I couldn't believe she text that to me!
I have decided now to keep her at arms length, I have many friends who are much more accepting of ds' difficulties than she is, I'm not putting myself in the way of punishment anymore.

We've never shared ds's dx with our families, my closest friends know and one adked the other day why we haven't told family i told her that i'm only interested in doing things that are helpful or supportive for ds, telling family wouldn't be either it would just add stress and sadness on top of everything else. sometimes i think i've made the wrong choice Threads like this remind me that it was the right one.