Computer time: what to do?

[edithmaud]

I'd love to get some thoughts on this please. DS 8yo with asperger's is obsessed with things like minecraft, animal jam, club penguin etc etc. I am uncomfortable about how much time he spends on screens, however, for various reasons, we've let it slide a bit. These games are his special interests, and they can give him great respite after a difficult day at school. And as it's an interest that is in line with his peers, it gives him a lot to talk about and share with them. However, I worry that by indulging it too much we are not adequately encouraging his development in other areas, particularly his communication skills. He no longer has much interest in any of his other toys. Just wondered how others dealt with this obsession and to what degree you set limits on screen use?

Temple Run is a very fast paced game which really gets their adrenaline going ThreeBeeOneGee. I've got it on my iPad and my two love it but they come off very angry, fight-or-flight response well and truly going!

We've limited it very strictly because we're just not that keen on getting shouted at ;)

We've got two aspies (aged 7 and 9), one with ADD. We limit it to :-

15 minutes in the morning after they've got their clothes on and had breakfast;

30 minutes if they've gone to an after school club;

30 minutes a day during holidays;

30 minutes after a playdate (as long as they've spoken nicely and interacted with whoever they've had the playdate with!).

They then get extra for any extra school work or sports they do, and extra if they bring back good reports and for prizes etc.

I know it sounds really rigid, and I wouldn't in a million years have predicted 10 years ago that I'd be this sort of parent (I used to be so laid back - really!), but life is peaceful this way (mostly) and they do well at school and have some interaction with others.

It helps having two as well - they're very much on each other's level, so they can go and play together in between (although their first love is always the computer!)

(The times are each btw)

Inspired by this thread, I went on to the parental control hub and found out that DS2 has spent over 8 hours on the PC today (most of it on Minecraft)

DS2 and I had a chat, and we have set a daily 5 hour limit for now, if that goes well then we'll decrease it further. It's the first time I've used this particular software for actively limiting rather than just reporting, so I'm not sure what warnings it will give him.

At least the other three are self-regulating their computer use.

DS1 is quite happily sitting here watching YouTube videos of Mario game play. He's not even playing a game, just watching the videos. To me, that's much like watching television, so I don't stress over it too much. But I do monitor WHAT he's watching, to make sure he doesn't accidentally click on something inappropriate.

DS2 loves watching YouTube videos of songs about Minecraft. Or videos of people explaining how to do specific things on Minecraft e.g. breed zombie horses.

Yes, DS here would watch minecraft on you tube and then go into his world to make things all day if I let him.
He spends far more time on there than I think I realise - I'm sure of it.

He did however have friends in and play out a bit earlier so this is his come down as such. His friend has been back 3 times but DS just wants to play computer.

I'm beginning to say 1 hour in the morning - then he has to come off and be social and kinda ignoring how much he goes on it in the evening. BUT any extra time is earnt by social interaction and behaving appropriately. I will use no more minecraft time as a threat too and well as making sure when he gets extra I explain exactly what he did correctly in the hope he'll continue getting it right.

I think I'm going to take the advice of you lovely people on here and class watching you tube as akin to watching TV. So he can play for a but but if he watches something it's like watching TV but I get to chose whats actually on our lounge TV!

My DS started playing computer games at the age of 6 when I bought him a Sega Master System. It was a huge mistake as playing computer games was all he ever wanted to do after that.

Over the next 18 years he worked his way through every new gaming console and some very specialist games PCs, often spending literally every waling hour playing games or taking part in the virtual environment of World of Warcraft and Runescape. Sometimes he would be awake all night playing.

He finally stopped playing last year when he acquired a girl friend who disapproves of computer games. It's incredible! I too disapproved of him playing 24/7 but that didn't stop him. it took a girlfriend to make him realise that there was more to life.

It's an obsession that is very difficult to give up as computer games reward the player so by continuing to play you're being continually rewarded.

Same here OP and my ds is 13 with AS. He spends far too much time on it but as you say its something the only thing he has in common with his peers.We have set times as in homework must be done first,must wait till afternoon sometimes if we need to be somewhere etc.I find as he is getting older that when he finishes with one screen he simply moves on to another one like the tv. It does cause conflict though trying to prise him from it sometimes.

Same issues in our house. Very interested to hear about the timer!

Right. Day one of using the Windows time restrictor.

Threebee you are ahead of me! Have made DS a separate user account but haven't quite got to the timer yet. But am definitely committed to bringing down the time spent on the damn thing though. I laughed when I saw your post about youtube videos of minecraft songs- I have them in my head ALL the time!! I even find myself singing them walking down the street
Think I'm going to reduce the time fairly gently though. He wouldn't be able to cope with too harsh a reduction too quickly.

Another key thing I want to do is try to get him to do more creative/interesting stuff on the computer. Maybe learn a kid-friendly animation programme, or something like that. Trouble is DP and I are not brilliant at thus kind of thing. Can anyone recommend any good programmes? Was even wondering about paying some teenage computer geek some money to do regular half hour sessions with DS so he could really learn new stuff. Has anyone ever done that? Sort of an attempt to make something more positive out of it?

Our son (11) with aspergers is similar. What we've found works is imposing a 2 hour limit on school days. We use the automatic shut down thing too - like somebody else said - it means he's not arguing with us about it, as it's an absolute.

We made a deal that if he remains cheerful about the 2 hour limit throughout the week, and also does his homework without grumbling, then all limits are off at the weekend, and he can spend as much time as he likes on the computer at times when we're at home. It's a compromise I suppose - he feels he has regular unrestricted time, and we feel he's also learning to limit himself when necessary.

As a few other people have said, I do think the computer is important time for him. It gives him a specialist interest that's entirely age appropriate, and his friends spend hours at school talking about minecraft/terraria/xbox related stuff. He's all or nothing about his interests - so if it wasn't this I think we'd be having to accept it was something else. We're also finding that the older he gets, the more social screen time is becoming. As the summer holidays have started, he is constantly with local friends - they gather around a screen and talk continuously about what they're doing. He's had a friend sleep over last night, purely because they're both obsessing about his new Teraria game. I've never heard him talk so much! And playing games together involves so many social skills that we try to encourage anyway - debate, compromise, working together... It's the same with his X box live package - the kids see it as an extension of the playground. That's brought problems in itself. The same kind of problems that he's experienced socially at school, but it's a positive thing that he wants to be included I guess.

I never thought I'd be saying all the above - I'm generally a very anti screen time parent. But it seems right for him. And it's a big part of our world now.

I have the minecraft songs on continual loop in my brain too, btw.

The favourite in our house seems to be Minecraft Christmas... why why why!!!!!!!

And how many hours can you watch OTHER people playing minecraft on youtube videos? It amazes me. Does anybody else have a child who actually videos themselves playing in the same way, with a fake droney american accent?

well, I am American, so DS1 does have some Americanisms in his speech. Although his speech is mostly British, since everyone else around him is (well, other than my adult DD).

Singysongy I completely agree about the sociable aspect. He and friends will often crowd round a screen showing each other new stuff they've discovered. They even have 'meet ups' on screen at agreed times. I think this why I'm a bit conflicted about it. But certainly in DS's case there's too much of it, and too much conflict over it at the moment. I'm thinking that the timer will allow us to stick to agreed limits, but then extra time can be given as reward.

Singysongy, DS doesn't (ie film himself playing) but he would LOVE to and asks all the time if he can learn how to. And in fact I've asked around if anyone knows how to do it, coz as least that would be stretching his skills!!

Edith, my son just sets up the camera on a tripod, or uses the ipad camera and then videos himself playing, with the screen in shot. He's constantly asking if he can upload them to youtube, but so far I've managed to sidestep that one.

It kind of helps (with the screen time issue at least) that my DS is extremely energetic and sensory seeking. He just NEEDS to do physical stuff and the OT said (directly to him) yesterday that he needs to listen when mummy says time to run about in the garden. But I have to give him really specific things to do as alternatives to the screen.

'Time for 250 jumps on the trampoline'.

'Time to roll about on the big ball for five minutes.'

'Time to run up and down the garden ten times in each direction. Then we will get the Lego out until dinner. Screen time is over for today.'

I know my son is only borderline on the spectrum though, so he isn't quite as exclusive as some in his pursuit of Minecraft!

DS isn't even officially on the spectrum yet - but I'm pretty sure he will be. Myself, both his cub leaders, my mum, the HT at my school, a parent with an ASD child, a family member on his dads side who has a friend with a DC with AS and even now my cousin all have broached the fact they think he has AS.

Is it really that obvious

Edith - DS1 has just put his big box of every day lego away (after dismantling some lego technic models he built at the weekend) and is now using lego digital designer on his PC - it's free software and works a bit like legoey CAD software. It's all visual, no programming involved, but gives lots of options for manipulating the model that's been created. (DH used it to design and order the parts for a mobile phone rest for his desk at work, so he could stand it so the screen is visible!)

As DS1 builds, he is using word to type out a list of the serial numbers of the parts and categorise them by age!!! :o

Ouryve that sounds awesome (as DS would say)! Will try it with him today- thanks!!!
If anyone has any other suggestions for more creative computery stuff, do tell!