Having a second child when you have one with extra needs

[henryhsmum]

Hi,

I want to ask how those of you that have one child with extra needs find having a second child? My DS has severe ADHD and autism. Our plan hd always been 2 children but his needs have made us re-think that. Also, I had 2 grand mal seizures after his birth (no history of epilepsy before or since) and that was so traumatic that it puts me off.

My DS likes other children and he has an older step brother and stepsister who he adores. My gut instinct is that he would cope with a younger sibling fine, its more whether I would cope!

I woud be interested to hear what others experiences are and if you have a child with ADHD or autism are your other children affected too? In my DS's case, there is no genetic history of ADHD and I believe his traumatic birth had a lot to do with it but who knows!

I am going to be hard and honest.

I had dd (neurotypical) first so I do have two children. I would not have had a second had I had DS (asd) first.

Whilst DD' s exposure to sn has had benefits for her. it is undoubtedly hard for her and she has found herself in positions where she has had to be far more grown up and sensible than she should have to be for example she has seen ds have a seizure and had to ask her grandma to call an ambulance when ds was choking. (not that neurotypical children have don't have such issues but things just tend to go wrong with ds). I know she worries a lot and keeps much of those worries inside
in terms of both children I do feel I could put more into both if I had just had them. balancing their different needs and development stages feels like a very difficult balancing act which you often get wrong.

Having said that they are both wonderful individuals who I love dearly

did just want to say someone says they are no more likely to have another child with special needs. statistically that is very incorrect for autism where where second child has the same mum and dad.

my bad I have misread

When I was pregnant with dd we didn't realise ds had additional needs. Just thought, well he was him and that maybe he'd grow out of bits (he turned 4 just before she was born). He has no DX as of yet but apparently he has 'traits of everything and is complex'.
I don't regret it at all but it's brought more issues into the household and things are damn difficult some days.
She adores him as he does her. She just shows it a lot better than he does.