Son just diagnosed with aspergers

[Sjenner77]

After many years we have finally received a diagnosis of Aspergers for my 9 yr old son and I am so surprised by my response.

I have always suspected / known that he had this, and have pushed and pushed to advocate for him so he will be diagnosed and receive the support he needs.

I thought I would be so relieved by the diagnosis, but instead I find myself feeling sad and angry which is confusing.

I also realise that having spent years concentrating on the diagnosis, I have not spent any time thinking about what happens now! So I feel a bit lost....

For reference, my son is at the mild end of the spectrum.

I'm also upset by my family's response, all of whom appear to be minimising the situation (in an attempt I think to show that they love my son regardless??), but I feel that no one is taking it seriously or understands what it means and they think I am making a fuss over nothing. I think this is just me feeling sensitive right now though.

Anyone who has been through similar- I would be so grateful for some support or advice right now!

My 5 yr old son has High Functioning Autism / Aspergers, call it what you will. I fought his corner before he was diagnosed, defended my precious baby against all and loved him fiercely. His diagnosis, although I knew it was coming, sent me over the edge. I couldn't see my son for the damn Autism standing in front of him. Everything he said or did was tainted with Autism. I didn't see his actions or words as those of a 5 yr old or a boy, I saw them as AUTISTIC!!!! Autism everywhere!!! If his classmate did something, he was a cheeky 5 yr old but if my son did it, it was AUTISTIC. The diagnosis helped everyone but me, it seemed. I'm coming out of the dark place now but I go back there about once a week for half an hour. I'm learning to give myself time and see my son for who he is, not what he isn't.

I could've written alot of your post myself OP. We've just had a diagnosis for ds1. We knew/expected the diagnosis but when it came I was gutted (dh was a bit more accepting).

It was school that first highlighted a problem after his behaviour deteriorated suddenly to the point where he was in danger of exclusion, alot of the behaviours highlighted by the school also wasn't displayed at home, or we were so used to it we had learned to adapt and it was 'normal' or 'just a difficult phase' as far as we were aware. We'd also had a difficult year with death and illness in the family and had been hoping his behaviour change was just a reaction to that, so when we got the diagnosis that hope disappeared and we had to face the reality that this was for keeps and it wasn't going to get better.

Like others have said though, i have learnt to be more patient and understanding and less frustrated (not all the time!), and realise he not 'naughty' and i'm not the rubbish parent i thought i was.

Families reaction is mixed, my mum has been asking lots of questions and keen to read up on it, and the IL's are a bit more in the 'oh he's fine' camp and 'we're all on the spectrum somewhere' which to me just feels a bit dismissive.

One of the things that stuck with me most from the assessment is what they said right at the beginning "whatever happens here today, whether you get a diagnosis or not, he's still the same you know and love" :)