Ok, am I over reacting?

[peachyClair]

Well aware that is a title notrmally used in relationships () posts, but want / would politely request some feedback please on this before I decide what to do.

Picked Sam up today for the first time this week, as have nbeen on a mentoring course. Got pulled over- always me, you note, not Dh who argues so much more effectively. Conversations:

T= teacher, M= Me

T: do you do any work at home with Sam?
M: yes, some. (as she well knows, we do BIBIC and lots more)
T: what are you doing? is he still refusing?
M: yes sometimes, its as much as I can do half the time to drag him out of bed. he does write and draw, but won't allow me to see to give feedback
T: well he's not understanding how to form letters yet or spcaes, and I haven't got time to teach him

?????????????

Now unless I am insane (possibly) either she can cope with him, or he needs support. They quite happily tell every professional that he's doing well, then I get this.

We've agreed we will do a diary of what I do with him, which she will check every friday. That's fine, but she only counts wrioting work: Sam's needs are so much more complex (as she knows, BIBIC went in to discuss his needs with them) so I'll often do social stuff, or non- written learning activities (museums, bike riding etc).

I'm not entirely comfy with being checked on, and I do think well, she is paid to teach him, and whilst I fully acknowledge my part in the deal (the mentoring course is a uni- schools one fgs), saying she doesn't have time?

genuine feedback please, I won't be one of the ones who gets angry and defensive!

I think that if there's something he should be learning but the teacher doesn't have time to teach him it then the school MUST start arranging for some extra help.

I think working with him at home on your own terms is one thing but the teacher checking up on it is going a step too far IMHO. It's not even a case of you cutting down on your course etc. I'm a SAHM and still wouldn't have the time or opportunity to work at that level with one of my children.

My honest opinion is that this isn't a realistic long-term solution to Sam's problems.

NO Peachy, its not your job to do work with him and be "checked on", if they are saying they dont have to time to cope with his needs then they are completely contradicting themselves.
Cant remember if you have put in for a statement and have been turned down, is this right that im thinking?

IPSEA would be very interested to hear of this especially if you are going to the tribunal stage.

The course has finished for the year now, so that's not an issue. The fact is I do loads, but not always formal. But why should I prove myself? How come she can be a teacher and not have time to teach all the kids?

Have spoken to IPSEA Jenks, they were quite shocked and very good indeed, but we've been reluctant to apply for a statement as anything we do makes them revert back to the 'there's no problem' thing, which gets nowhere. Don't want to upset applecart too much for ds2 who loves the school.

Tbh I'd be seething at the idea of being checked up on. In any case the BIBIC stuff you do with Sam is at least as important as the written stuff.

BUT just because they say there isnt a problem doesnt mean that there isnt one.

We had exactly the same thing with DS, "He doesnt tell us anything etc etc, and Are you sure you are not seeing things that arent there"?

You have the backup of BIBIC.
If the professionals like BIBIC have gone into school to train them then how can they say there isnt a problem?

I kept thinking this way and its just an excuse that sometimes schools use, you have to make them see the problem although it sounds like they do see there is one now.

Start keeping a diary of who has said what and follow it up with a letter to the Director of Education-thats sometimes the only way to get help.

This is terrible - you are not there to fill in the gaps in the schools inability to cope (been there done that). Are there any other options education wise?

Very shocked by the teacher's response. Teachers have a legal responsibility to differentiate their lessons so all children in the class can learn. (Recent Disability Act). Schools which don't take this seriously can be taken to court. NOt that I'm suggesting you go into the school guns blazing and threating them with solicitors. But it might not go amis to casually throw in something about recent changes to legislation and how that affects children with special needs.

Thanks guys.

Dh is going to go in and make a complaint next week. There was another comment that I forgot until later, where she looked at Sam and asked him (in front of me) to ask mummy to buy some books. We have about 200, and a dedicated, cushioned readinga rea in the playroom. I get the impression that because we're not the middle class scrummy mummys she's used to, she ahs written us off. Actually though, I was reading at two and fully expected my kids to do the same-
it was a shock that they didn't!

So basically, we're taking the if you can't teach him then get a statement and get someone in approach. They've been forever telling every professional there is no issue, so basically- I am confused.

there is another school, IPSEA and also kidscape (sam being bullied by the reception kids) suggested we go there, but Dh holds the view that it wold be unfair to pull Ds2 and soon ds3 from a school they're comfy with, and we'd have to coz I can only be in one place at 9am. It is also a fair trek away in the mornings. I'd do it like a shot,but can see dh's point- Sam is constantly having a negative effect on the other two, at some point they have to be a priority.

peachyclair

You're probably aware of this already but I do not for one second think that school will themselves apply for a statement. Purely from your writings I don't think they want Sam in that school at all.

I would also say re the statement request that it's better off coming from you as the parents rather than them. This is for a number of reasons namely that if you apply for it you know its been done, also if the LEA say no to assessment you can appeal.

We have all the IPSEA stuff to apply, but we feel that if the school does the normal and claims they have no isues- well, we're not sure how many more defeats we can take ATM, and as he doesn't yet have a dx (we don't know if he will,with school denying issues) how can we back ourselves up?

Bad news- just found out DS2 gets this techer next year

Dh came over the school with me as I feel rather ill today, and he had 'a word' with this Teacher. She was erm um erm I didn't mean that but I erm have 25 kids and erm I can't give Sam 2 or three hours a day.

So he needs a statement?

No erm um errrrrr

Dh then comes in, very assertive but NOT aggressive and she is doing the speak to the hand bit!

So we went over to the Dep Head and complained, she went off with the Head tho whilst we were there and is obv trying to kick off about us.

So I hve to go in tomorrow am, DH is busy but he ahs told them any problems and he will go over in the pm.

Have a feeling we're either going to A? get somewhere, or B? be at another school next year!!!

SENCO happily admitted Sam has AS before half term, but is still onleave and wasn't there.

You shouldn't worry about what the school might say in relation to a Statement. You SHOULD apply for one and then it takes its course. If he needs extra help then that will be apparent and if he doesn't then no harm done. If you don't want to apply for a Statement then I would move schools.

I fully agree with Davros's comments.

If you put the request in for your DS to be statemented the LEA will make a decision as to whether your DS will be assessed or not - the school have no imput in that particular decision.

I wish you well tomorrow with school.

Sending you good vibes from Essex(((((((peachyclair))))))))))))))

Peachyclair, hope you don't mind me adding my bit but surely it is down to the school to solve this one!
If ANY child isn't learning then the school should look at firstly is it the teaching, if the teacher cannot accommodate ALL of the childrens needs then the school must provide support for the teacher.
Or they must recognise that perhaps the individual child needs support to aid their learning & if the only way to give that support is via a statement then they must support it.
It should not be down to you to home school to make up for their poor teaching!
You sound like you do loads to help your ds in other areas. Good luck for tomorrow I hope you get the support from the head that you deserve

thanks for the wishes for tomorrow, am ill as well so not looking forwards to it

OK, won't be on here long as still feeling unwell but here's an update....

The school are going to apply for a statement for Sam next term. We were right to think that they risked certain elements of funding by doing so, but they have said that's acceptable to them.
So and on that. Even if they don't get the statement, or if it doesn't include extra time (as the one they have for another AS kid doesn't, but she doesn't struggle academially) they are puttinh an extra worker into his class next year to focus on three or four kids, of whom Sam is one. They would like a one to one for him though.

The teacher did claim Dh was intimidating. What she had nneglected to mention was that as ever she hadn't left her classroom or invited us in, so we were chatting to a woman in a portacabin at a window 2 foot above our heads. I put it to the Head that we found that intimidating ourselves, and that Dh had been forced to raise his cvoice to be heard as there were many parents outside chatting. Teacher had said she was upset because there were kids and a parent in the classroom, but the Head accepted that there was no way we would have known that because of the whole portacabin height thing. teacher is going to be 'advised' on how to talk to parents in future, she is (apparently) young and naive. Hmmm, she is a year younger than me (31) but anyway...

YTBH I dot hink DH almost lost his temper, but ALMOST only, and he had been pushed to it imo.

AND they are referring DS2 for his speech therapy at last! Yay!

Also, the SENCO is fgoing to try to get the Rugby Coach of the SN team Sam is a member of to come in and do a session (depending on his work obv), because physically / sporting Sam excells, and they think it might boost his confidence. The SENCO is back from sick leave next week.

So hugely positive, have bought myself some make up and a HUGE cake from posh bakery in the village, and am going to put my feet up now with a paper.

Thanks guys for all your help and support!!!

at the teacher only speaking through a Portacabin window! If it wasn't a convenient time to talk then surely she should have said so and made an appointment with you or your dh?

I'm glad you're feeling a little less stressed. I'm also about that cake.....

Hey I earned that cake..... checked my weight today and still ahven't gained more than 2 lbs since WW. So stick with it and you'll get your cake! (was hazelnut and pistachio torte, btw- yum)

I didn't even realise you were on the weight-loss threads too. Now I'm even more because you can obviously eat it without gaining. Pah! :o

Don't be jealous of me, i had to slog to lose that weight! (about 3 stones), but an occasional treat really doesn't hurt, and I don't have butter in my sandwiches or stuff like that- it's balance, y'know!

(anyway bakery here is a botique bakery, can't afford cakes very often... £1.75 each!)

peachyclair,

Re the school applying for the statement next term I do hope the LEA say yes to it. I would suggest that you get copies of all the correspondence they send to the LEA when they apply for it so you have a record of it also. They need to tell you when they act. Still think though the request would have been better coming from yourselves as parents but if the school decide to apply for it then fair dos.

Hope you enjoyed your boutique bakery cake!!.

Attilla, I kind of assumed it might be better other way round! If it owuld be better ocming from us then i'm happy to do so- it was the schools backing I craved, rather than action, iyswim.

I have the IPSEA pro-forma, and indeed the school were interested in IPSEA and their advice so maybe I will go ahead.