Ds and local after school social club

[claw2]

Ds has been attending a very local community run social club for years on and off. Its just at the end of the road, run by volunteers, its fairly small, only allowed 20 children and has a high ratio of adults to children, it isn't a SN group, but one of the volunteers has a son with ASD who attends the club. They have pool tables, table tennis, computers, arts and crafts etc

Today they had a play bus. I spoke to the woman in charge and said ds was looking forward to it, but he might get overwhelmed and if he did become a bit sensitive then I would be home and would have no problem coming to pick him up if need be and to just give me a ring.

When I went to pick him up, he wasn't on the play bus but sat inside. Apparently he went on the play bus for a short time, but was then upset and crying and wanted to come home. So they sat him inside and he did drawing instead.

He cried on the short walk home and for about half an hour after, he said he was crying because he was thinking of our cat who died about 2 years ago. I think he was overwhelmed and didn't actually know why he was upset.

Some weeks he does seem to enjoy it, other weeks he doesnt want to go, he really struggles with the social side of things.

This club is his only outside 'interest'. Should I continue taking him?

Sorry should have added im not sure these continuous failed social attempts are doing him any good. However if I stop taking him, he wont have any social opportunities.

It depends ? if he enjoys the club at least some of the time then it?s probably worth carrying on, but if he never enjoys it then it?s probably not. Are you able to pinpoint which things he enjoys and which things upset him? The more positive the experience the more good it will do him.

If the staff were able to calm him enough to sit inside and do some drawing then that?s probably why they didn?t call you. It?s hard on both of you when he?s exhausted and tearful. But it may be good for him in the long term to have the experience of getting upset and then being able to calm down at the club, even if he?s totally drained and tearful afterwards. But if he never enjoys it then the social opportunities may not be helping him much anyway.

This week he asked could he go, which makes me think it cant be that terrible, but because he had a bad experience this week, he will then not want to go for weeks and that tends to be the pattern.

If he doesn't want to go next week and i persuade him to go, he will have a bad week, then not want to go even more the following week. Its like he wants to go, but cannot handle it every week. Which is ds all over, he can handle social situation in small doses and then needs to get away.

He seems to enjoy doing arts/crafts/drawing an activity he can do on his own, so he is still at the playing alongside others stage. It seems to be interacting with others that upsets him. He wants to join in, then cant tolerate it, gets upset, then needs time alone.

Whenever i pick him up, he is sat drawing. They often comment to me about how quiet ds and he seems to spend most of his time at the arts/craft table. Although at home he doesn't show an interest in arts/crafts or drawing! so im not sure if he is actually enjoying it or just bidding his time until he is picked up!

It?s difficult, with a situation that sometimes works and sometimes doesn?t. If he?s able to use the art/craft activity as a retreat when he needs one, that sounds quite positive. Can you let the staff know if he needs a quiet start to recover from last week, maybe go straight to the crafts table?

Although the volunteers there are lovely and know that ds has ASD, they just dont 'get it', its not an SN club and if I were to ask something like you suggest it would be kind of 'oh, we just let him do whatever he wants to do'

I have already tried explaining to them why he doesn't go some weeks. As the places are limited only 20 places and its done on a first come basis and they have more than 20 kids turn up each week and some have to be turned away. They think I just cant be bothered to take ds or turn up when it suits me.

So not only can I not be bothered some weeks, im now asking for special treatment!

If ds does go to this club, its very much a club where he has to cope on his own iyswim. Which isn't a bad thing, its just a question of whether he can.

Locally the NAS branch set up their own group which sounds similar activities aimed at HFA / AS kids in mainstream. Its worked really well - its just a few parents who set it up using the NAS umbrella for insurance etc and for fundraising and they pay the local borough council play workers to run it and staff it (the parents go to the nearby pub). The children do activities but then cook their own tea and eat together. Many of the children have stuck with it and are now getting too old so the parents are now setting up an adult social group. Do you have a local charity you could use to help with funding? Often you can get funding grants to help.They do outings in school holidays. If children get direct payments they can use those to help fund it. Of course councils should run these things themselves but sometimes they need a push.

They also get volunteers from local high schools eg Duke of Ed etc helping out

I could look into it. How would I go about setting something like that up? Would I have to find a premises and parents who would be interested etc? or do I approach the council?