Need help with a tricky meeting

[MyFabulousBoys]

Can you recommend me some strategies please?

The issues are:

I am talked over when the senior people don't agree with me.

They are very good at management speak and sounding as though they are involved but actually nothing of substance gets said iyswim?

They are very good at turning the focus onto me and putting me on the spot. Not discussing things (as I am not the expert and don't always know what is needed) and coming up with solutions.

Blatant lies - I misunderstand things apparently. Covering for teachers who really shouldn't be covered for.

Minimising problems with DC that I bring up.

Sorry. I know this is vague, intentionally so. I was just hoping for some tricks of the trade and good pinning down phrases to stop the blether and empty assurances.

Thank you

Oh and how do you trick yourself into feeling confident? I am usually confident, intelligent and outspoken. In these meetings however I feel like a weak, timid, squeaky mouse.

Don't really understand why?!

'So what does that actually mean for my DS?' 'How is that different from what's happening at that moment?' 'How will that help my DS?'

Also, check your understanding. 'So, to clarify, this means X and Y.' And you repeat what you think has been agreed in language you understand and can minute.

Oh - I was just about to suggest exactly what Poltergoose suggested. They assume you're just an ignorant parent, so make them explain things to you in a way you understand - and can write down. As you write it down, you can get them to clarify if it sounds like they're talking out of their arses - "so you're saying that...."

My technique for changing the focus from parenting to teaching is to just side step this issue. Eg I was given a sheet with the attendance figures on and I said, "thank you for that. I'll look through it when I have more time." or another one they have tried is "How do you deal with X at home?" and I'll say, "I'll answer that question later but first I want to ask..." or "I would rather discuss any parenting issues with the parenting team but thank you for your advice"

To try to get them to suggest solutions, I say "What strategies would you suggest for dealing with this? or What strategies have you tried so far? and Have any strategies been effective?

If they are talking about IEP targets then the targets should be S.M.A.R.T. ie Specific, so that it is clear what the child should be working towards
Measurable, so that it is clear when the target has been achieved
Achievable, for the individual child
Relevant, to the child?s needs and circumstance
Time-bound, so that the targets are to be achieved by a specified time

I throw a few of these words in to let them know that I am not frightened of jargon.

I also agree with Poultergoose and go in work mode with a suit and files.

Could you take a list of issues you'd like to raise with you? Also, make sure that you depersonalise any questions/statements, so that they are more factual and less emotional.

Diffuse tension by reflecting thier lack of an answer on yourself. So, you can say 'I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand that. Could you explain in plainer language?'

I should be having a meeting soon, I am generally the same as you but also lose my bottle during these meetings for some bizarre reason. I will have a list of questions already made out. My main questions when we discuss the IEP will be who? when? where? why? and how? taking a note of what is said, clarifying anything I am unsure of, querying anything which doesn't seem right. So rather than it being like past meetings which basically involved me being patronized while someone was reading out what I was already reading myself from a sheet of paper or as you have said having the buck passed back to me. I will leave the room knowing everything I should. My Ds's CT's have been using 'strategies' (which haven't actually made a difference) suggested by outside agencies for the past 3 years and to this day I have no idea what these 'strategies' are even though I have entered a meeting and asked the question many many times. Must admit copying the EP has been very beneficial she tends to stare into space as though thinking, nod slightly and then change the subject which may help if they bounce it back to you.

Saying that I have now got to the point that I couldn't give a fiddlers fart anymore so don't think nerves will be an issue anymore.

How are you measuring that?
How are you measuring that?
How are you measuring that?
How are you measuring that?
How are you measuring that?

In response to any guff about strategies/monitoring/reviewing.

If it's important enough to teach, it's important enough to measure.

Circulate a piece of paper at the beginning and ask everyone to sign it and put job title and contact details.
Make it a nice piece of paper on a clip board and a nice pen.

Buys your time to compose yourself while they do your bidding.
Take in a few files. Place them slowly and ostentatiously about you.
Ensure several Post Its show.

They are there to do a job. Their job is to help your kid.

When they go off on management speak make sure they provide specific examples of how it will work for your child.
If the meeting is waffling around issues make sure before it moves on you ask them to "confirm what the decision/action/outcome of the discussion is " & make a note of who ahs that action.
At the end of the meeting no matter how much mgt waffle & bollocks has been banded about make sure you say " so to recap & confirm that we all leave with an equal understanding X has an action to do Y etc & make sure everyone knows how & when the results of their actions are to be communicated back.

Don't be bamboozled with their ball shit, the most effective professionals & business people are straight talking

Thank you all. You helped so very much. I am sorry for the delay in replying, I was concentrating on getting the meeting prepared and over!

The meeting went very well ? I even chaired it! At one point I felt as though it was slipping and DH pulled it back but otherwise it was really positive. It was the first time in over a year we have felt good coming out of a meeting.

I can?t really emphasis how much you all helped. I practiced all of your phrases until they were second nature, I had a sneaky crib sheet in case I forgot them too!

Everything was clarified and recapped! My files were out and notes taken. I felt very different ? not at all mousy parent, more determined advocate.

An action plan was drawn up and for the first time I feel we are getting somewhere and I was heard. I have no doubt it was helped hugely by the confidence and tips you gave me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you

Excellent news. Always remember-they work for you!!!

Honk honk!

It's alright to be ignorant. In fact, it is almost compulsory. That way you can get everything clearly explained and in plain English.

If you are uncomfortable talking in meetings, don't talk. Who said your ds' issues could only be sorted in meetings? Go home, write everything you understood about what had been agreed back to them for 'clarification' and then ask your questions in writing. You also have the right to say that on reflection, you don't think that their proposed solution is appropriate or helpful so can they do x instead!?

If you are asked what you think on the day, say you haven't had time to consider it properly and will get back to them. If it sounds complex, ask for the details in writing so that you can consider it fully over a couple of days with support/your advocate/your lawyer/MN - whatever.

Don't be railroaded into anything. As will sales, you can demand a cooling off period to consider what has been discussed, as it isn't your profession/job so you haven't considered all of the implications.

Remain polite and thank them for their time. Don't thank them for their offers unless you feel they are of value.

Sorry, just seen the update .

Sounds like you were amazing. Well done.