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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

help with more advanced social skills (peers)

7 replies

linglpoppingback · 06/07/2013 21:48

Are there any other materials out there similar to the introductory chapter of "The Unwritten Rules of Friendship"?

Although DS2 is coming up to 8, I still think there is scope to help him in his peer interactions, just by telling him the rules - but I need to see those rules preferably in developmental order - rather as I used to see the rules of receptive language development.

for instance, the other day, I asked him to tell a neighbour's young daughter something, and he said he wouldn't go alone "because I'm scared of mini-kids". He does indeed ignore these little girls.
I told him that when you see a mini-kid you should do four things: (i) look at their eyes (ii) say hi and wave (iii) smile and (iv) nothing else - you're done - it's their turn now. He seemed to find it a great relief to be told what he was supposed to do and practised it with some success.

I remember in Unwritten Rules learning such gems as not marching up to other children and say "can I play?" - instead edge into the game by returning a ball and wait for an invitation.

DS2 is ready to learn about things like situations where it is appropriate to correct other children (the classroom where we are talking about things we are learning, or if you are invited to join in a game that would hurt other people) and situations where it is just not necessary to correct and will only annoy others.

OP posts:
linglpoppingback · 06/07/2013 21:54

sorry, another example - actually a different child I was driving home along with a more socially adept friend of his....

Child 1 aged 11 - Katie cheated on me
Child 2 - what do you mean?
Child 1 - in Year 4, she told me she fancied me, but now she fancies Patrick so she is cheating on me.
Child 2 - no, that's not what cheating on someone is.
Child 1 - but how can she fancy me in Year 4 and not in Year 6? Was she a liar in Year 4?
Child 2 - yes, I think she was lying in Year 4 but it was a good lie. It was a lie she told you to make you feel better.

Child 1 -

By the time I reached child 1's house, he was still pondering.... I think child 2 had really helped him....

I would love DS2 to learn about things like this and think he's ready to.

No idea if this makes sense but let me know if there are resources out there....

OP posts:
Bellette · 06/07/2013 22:28

Watching with interest OP.I have a 15 yr old and a 13 yr old both with Aspergers and would be very interested also.

ilikemysleep · 07/07/2013 08:03

Bellette, there is a peers programme for teens (called peers) by the team at UCLA that does this for various aspects of peer interactions. The manual is around 25 quid on websites and would give you a lot of that info, even if you didn't actually get the kids in a programme.
Lingl, the asperkids book of secret social rules has some of what you are seeking, it's by Jennifer Cooke O Toole. I would say though, it's not when you correct peers so much as how you correct peers that can be problematic, and I'm not sure it is detailed enough for that. I found your second example strange, too, as to me child in year 4 probably didn't lie, but has changed her mind, which sounds like a concept that might need teaching.
Try the book and see what you think?

linglpoppingback · 07/07/2013 09:08

Thanks for that tip I'll look up that book.

OP posts:
Bellette · 07/07/2013 11:35

Thanks ilikemysleep.I will look it up!

Spiraling · 08/07/2013 11:22

Ds is nearly 8, and similarly is struggling with more subtle levels, he seems to have stayed at reception/y1 level. I have found this -www.amazon.co.uk/You-Are-Social-Detective-Explaining/dp/0884272001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373278741&sr=8-1&keywords=social+detective, and thinking of trying it.

Spiraling · 08/07/2013 11:24

Lets try the link again, social detective

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