School saying DS is coping - SENCO brushing me off

[Tibet]

does anyone else have a child who seems to be coping at school. its a very different story out of school, i cant work out whats going on. we have a private dx of hfa and currently going the nhs system re dx. school say all is fine, admit social issues but everything else is ok just like some other children in class ie struggles to get unchanged for pe...not only one. things have to be explained often....same as some other children....apparently now he is playing just fine socially...change in routine...yes he struggles a little. behind academically...yes so are other boys in class.
now either the school are lying or something is wrong here. school wont offer any additional help other than iep and keeping an eye on him. psyc has reported ds needs 1:1 for social interaction. i know without doubt that ds dx (private) is correct but why are the school holding back. they make me feel like i am making stuff up. anyone else having trouble getting school to take it seriously.

I've had two meetings in advance of my son starting school and like you, the challenges he has or we are anticipating are being lumped in with the other children as typical. What I find really frustrating is that DS is diagnosed as one year behind his age; I highly doubt that is typical amongst his peers. It's almost as if he has to fail further before any action is taken, rather than proactively support a little boy who has a dx and needs it.

They're probably not lying (much). But will be too busy, too ignorant, and too arrogant to spot /report/ act on the issues.

Plus if they admit to spotting something, they'll have to allocate resources to it, and that's time consuming and costly. Are they an academy / outstanding? If so, move.

Unfortunately this is only too common. Children with ASD quite often do manage to hold things together better in school, partly because it is fairly structured, and partly because they just force themselves to do so. However, it can be incredibly difficult and the strain tends to build up during the day only to be let out when they get home, so that the family bears the brunt of it. It becomes absolutely infuriating when people use that to imply that the problem is all down to bad parenting.

thank you all for your comments. im looking at othet schools and im going to request a SA im fed up with being fobbed off. i doubt my ds will hold it together for too much longer anyhow as he is finding eveything a lot harder now more than ever or at least things are becoming more noticable to us as a family. perhaps its just that we took all of the issues as normal as that was just the way ds is/was but he is def becoming more frustrated and is now aggressive frequently.
i worry about him moving schools as he still
isnt comfortable with going i n to school after 3 years how would he cope with starting out again but i guess in the long run it will be far better for him.
i know our school covers us issues and dpesnt like to act. they removed all iep's recently and have now reinstated them but will only do a limited amount. my nephew has recently left the school he is dyslexic and school refused to help and said he was just lazy and then when he moved schools he was put on an iep and received 1:1 support within 2 weeks.

Looks like your ds needs to sign up in his cousin's school ASAP then.

i spokr to that school about ds the senco said the school wouldnt be best place for asd child she recommended another school which i will go look at.