This is lonng, sorry. and I know I am probably being neurotic, but I REALLY need some advice.
I have an 8 yr old DS with AS & Sensory Processing Disorder. We have been through the whole heart wrenching and, at times, utterly hellish rigmarole of getting him assessed & a diagnosis, getting a Statement, getting an appropriate school place with adequate support etc etc. This has been going on since he was 3 yrs old and has been a huge strain on our family (and my DS) ...and we are still in the thick of it (about to go to Tribunal over lack of OT support...oh joy!).
Our DD is 4.5 yrs. Due to go in to reception this Sept. Never had any thoughts at all that she might have any SEN. She is a bright, sweet, socially aware and (mostly!) well behaved little girl. She has been at the same nursery since she was 18 mths old and we have never, ever had any whisker of behavioural issues etc. Every teacher and care worker she has ever had has said what a lovely child she is etc etc. She was very shy, actually, but has really come out of her shell in the last year or so and is now quite an outgoing child, lots to say, great sense of humour etc.
Since the nursery started doing 'pre-school' work with the children on literacy, numeracy etc over the past year, they have told me during parents evenings - and commented informally many times - that my DD is way ahead of the other children in reading, maths, writing etc. All lovely to hear, we encourage her etc, but my DS was a freakishly clever pre-schooler and has really evened out and is now a bright child but no 'genius'...so I take these commenst happily but with a pinch of salt.
However, earlier this week, the pre-school teacher pulled me aside and asked if she could speak to me. She showed me an IEP and asked me if I knew what it was (urmmm...oh hell yes, unfortunately...its that thing they write up every term for my DS but never actually implement ). She said the nursery would like to send an IEP for my DD on to her new school, to flag up their concerns about her. They stressed that they do not think she has any SEN, but that they want the school to know that she is working at a considerably advanced level in literacy and numeracy. OK...but then it has a list of 'areas for improvement'. Apparently, although she takes instruction well from teachers, she is impatient with turn-taking & sharing and can sometimes be aggressive to other children. I have never heard this before. The teacher said 'we aren't worried about her. The behaviour has only really shown itself in the last few months, and we think it is because she has outgrown nursery, is a bit bored sometimes, and is also mucb physically bigger than the other children, so is prone to dominating situations'.
My heart sank. This is what they said about my DS. bright but challenging etc etc. Reception was when it all fell apart for him in school. I just dont know what to think or how to feel. I agreed they could send on the IEP to her new school, just because it will save me coming across as a neurotic PFB mum, but am I 'labelling' her? Am I worrying over nothing? Am I blind to her difficulties because she is such an angel compared to my DS (severe behavioural issues)?
I am also worried that some of her more undesirable behaviours might be learned from her DS. And mainly, I am just scared that I am going to have to go through this whole bloody thing again with another child.
Any advice?