Please help with some comebacks for a meeting next week

[Summerloading]

Some background - I'm appealing ds' statement (parts 2, 3 and 4).

• School has said they can't meet his needs but LA have named them. Apparently a panel has decided the provision is "stunning".

• Ds is in MS attending PT outside the classroom, and has done so for over 5 months. His attendance is 50%.

• We had a multidisciplinary care review and the meeting notes show school, OT and Psych said he needs SS.

• Meeting notes also show Psych thinks ds is school refusing because I'm letting him make all the decisions, which are not age-appropriate for him to make. Mum is the adult and should decide.

• EP having read the notes, said she agrees and wonders how mum will respond. (found all this out after I requested ds's school records)

• EP says the cause is anxiety and mum should have addressed it by using the photocopied generic sheets on anxiety.

And Inappropriatelyemployed will like this one - I had asked for no information to be shared, and everyone agreed, and they still did it! On one of the emails, it even mentioned, "should we be sharing as mum has asked for no info to be shared"

So the upshot is, at this multi-disciplinary meeting, I will be challenged on these grounds:

I'm a crap mum

• who's letting ds decide whether to go to school
• I haven't cured his anxiety by carrying out the exercises on the sheets the EP doled out (which I know she hasn't read because I referred to one and she admitted she hadn't read it)
• who let his sister stay at home for 3 years without going to school so ds wants to do the same (dd is a whole other story)

Thank you for reading, and I would be grateful for any tips

Forgot to say , he is 10 and has a dx of AS, SPD, dyspraxia, anxiety etc etc etc.

Anyone?

I'd do lots of listening and taking notes but no info sharing on my part. If you are appealing then it's a fishing expedition on the LA's part so that they can beat you at Tribunal.

Keep the powder of your evidence dry

Agree with bochead about keeping your cards close to your chest. If your DS is anything like DS1 used to be when he was school refusing, wild horses wouldn't have got him through that school door and I couldn't quite see at what point I would sit him down and calmly worth through a sheet with him.

Thanks!

I've just received the agenda and two of the items are mum's views and ds's views. I don't think I'll get away with nodding here :-D.

Mum's views = imho You are failing my son by insisting on unsuitable provision. Please tell me how you intend to fulfill my child's needs?

Sit back, raise an eyebrow and wait for their response. You know they don't give two hoots what you think really or you wouldn't be having to appeal. I refer to my previous post.

Ahahaha Bochead, I luff you

Agree with the above.

Also, make lots and lots of notes. When you're home, while it's still fresh in your head, immediately type up your notes into a proper business-like Minutes/Report. This report may end up as crucial evidence in your Appeal.

You need the following on your report:

Date/time of meeting
Date of Report (even if you've typed it up the same day as the meeting, record the date on it so they can't say that you didn't do your report until months later)
Present Record everyone and their job titles who could be arsed to be were present
Unavailable Record people and job titles who couldn't be arsed to attend were unavailable (in my DCs case, this shows that the HT/SENCo did not attend a crucial meeting)
Author of report ie you - make sure it's on the report because this one is very easy to forget (well, it is for me)

Then a bullet-point-by-bullet-point account of the meeting. Keep your bullet-points very factual (no emotion) and business-like. Who said what and why. What was discussed. What questions were asked. Very very factual. Pretend you are writing it about another child, not your own.

Then, if anyone said in the meeting that they would go away and "do something", you will also need an 'Actions' section. For example: Action: Mrs Teacher is to find out by the end of term if blah blah blah blah

When you're done, carefully check for typos. Then, depending on what your are doing about your Appeal, decide what to do with the report. As I'm using solicitors, I sent a similar report to my solicitor. He has just served it as evidence against the LA. If you are not using solicitors/advocates, then decide if you want to immediately send it to the school or keep it until the Appeal.

Thanks everyone x

summer - i was in this exact position last year - my son was the same - he then ended up just before the tribunal not attending school at all. we won the tribunal.

i agree that you say very little even if they try and push your buttons. and definately write up the meeting - i was astounded when i had meetings what the minutes the LA wrote missed out - on each occasion i sent my own back to the LA. they never acknowledged any of them but they made very good evidence at the tribunal. i had the bad parent line thrown at me mid tribunal hearing.

just remember the advert/programme where the woman says the computer say no - keep the same tone of voice throughout the meeting and if they say anything take time to consider your reply and if unsure just say i will think about it and let you know. i just kept saying at one of my meetings no i dont agree and will let the tribunal decide in a montone voice - it really riled them as they couldnt bully me to their way of thinking

Can someone go with you to take notes on your side otherwise its them against little old you? That way you can listen and not have to process too much. I would make lots of positive affirmations like 'i really want ds to go to school. I am always very positive towards school and I'm really worried about his education but,(smile sweetly, look a bit fluffy and put your head on one side) if anyone can tell me how I am to manhandle a screaming, twrrified child who vomits with stress and is shaking into the car in the morning without having the neighbours call social services and it be a safeguarding issue, I'd welcome your input'.

Nod and smile. Are the school on your side? If they are then half the battle won.

Thank you! Excellent advice from everyone. I learned the hard way with my older child that none of these meetings mean anything - they've already decide what they're prepared to give you, and will not budge.