Not settling at bedtime - 3 hours to go to sleep

[zipperdydoodahzipperdyday]

Pretty much what the title says. DS is nearly five and it is taking him 3 hours to go to sleep. Nursery is commenting that he is tired, as are others.

We put him to bed at 7.30pm, read stories, try to settle him, but so far nothing is working. He loves looking at books and we allow this for about an hour, then take those away. He has few toys in his room and it's a very calm environment.

Any ideas anyone?

Have you tried meditation type things. With ds we read to him ,then he has ten minutes for reading to himself then I go up, lights off and get in bed with him. I then say in the dreamiest voice I can manage 'your toes are feeling really sleepy, the lovely sleepy feeling goes into your feet. Then from your ankles to your knees you can feel a lovely dopey feeling' etc etc until I get to his eyelids which feel really heavy. 'And now you are ready for a lovely sleep'. I then creep out and he's asleep most days within a couple of minutes of me leaving. The idea is when he's older he will be able to do the routine himself to get off to sleep.
Do you think something like that might be worth a try?

My ds regularly takes 3 hrs to settle, often longer.
I love shoppingbagsundermyeyes dreamy sleep routine, going to try that. My ds has a routine that we do, read harry potter, cuddles, worry box that we discuss and more recently a timer to let him know when it is time for bed. It has helped a little but still bedtime is the hardest thing in the world for him right now.
I think massage sounds like a good option and possibly a calming night light and some soothing music.
You may already have these , sorry not much help. i barely get through it myself. Good luck I know how hard it is. I'm
In despair most evenings.

Thanks folks. Am going to try that meditation talk. Also get a night light that slowly fades (if such a thing exists).

Am pondering trying to make a weighted blanket (can't get over how much they cost?). Was thinking of filling such a thing with rice till I realised that would be a washing machine disaster if he ever wet the bed! Any ideas on what you'd fill such a thing with would be great.

We have had a routine since he was 3 months old, and it used to work a treat. Something seems to have gone wrong the last 6 months, and I just can't work out what it is. He says he likes being awake, even though he's yawning and in a total muddle.

Hi! Same here and nothing is working at the moment! He was fab for five and a half years and now I am having to drag him ou of bed for school. Relax kids is supposed to be good music. I have thought about a bubble tube for his room but I think the effect of this may be short lived. Would loveto hear other people's ideas! I miss having an evening!

My ds is just too full of thoughts. He doesn't often seem to be worrying about things, just has a busy brain. Someone on this board made a weighted blanket not so long ago. Might be worth starting a thread.

It was me :) I made a weighted blanket out of a throw i had at home and poly-pellets from ebay. You can get YouTube tutorials on how to make one. I really need to blog what I did....

Essentially the throw was double sided so I could stuff it with the pellets. I divided the area into many equal squares and filled each sewn square with an equal weight of pellets so the weight was equally distributed.

The pellets are washable.

I feel your pain op - my ds has too much going on in his head, I've done weighted everything, Epsom salt baths, relaxing music, meditation, lying with him, music, lights off, lights on, wearing him out in the day ..... And still takes a min of 2hrs for him to go to sleep.
After 4yrs of this, I've decided to try the melatonin route - I'm officially giving in

Tell me more about melatonin - even if we don't use it all the time, maybe it would break a habit? Does it have side effects? I realise this is probably a last resort, and will try buying poly-pellets and figuring out the sewing machine first, but would we like an evening of peace!

Yes I would like to know about melatonin too. Prob early days to go that route but like the OP I think we are in cycle that needs breaking. Please let it just be a cycle ... !

I feel for you, my daughter has ADHD and I am having real issues with sleep at the moment!!!Friday night I was up and down the stairs from 730 till 1030, she then slept till 130 and was awake till 6 then awake again at 7!!!Saturday and sunday not much better either!!! If she doesnt get out of bed when its bedtime she sleeps for two hours then it all starts.
She used to be good at going to bed but would wake up in the night several times, she went on slow release meds from paed that worked for a while then stopped working so she came off them. We have a nice calm routine before bed.
I have re contacted the paed but am waiting to hear from her. Like you I am wary of meds to help them sleep but sometimes it is necessary. Its hard knowing what to do sometimes isn't it.

Melatonin is a substance that the body naturally produces so in theory taking it shouldn't have any side effects. I think it is produced as daylight fades which is why many people suggest having black-out blinds in a bedroom as kids can struggle going to sleep if they can see that it is still light outside. And also why it is suggested that we have dim lights and no telly or iPad etc for an hour before bed as this unnatural light source can effect our melatonin production. We have found black-out blinds have helped somewhat during the summer months with our DS.
It sounds like you already have a good routine established and I presume your DS isn't hungry or thirsty etc so it may be worth trying the melatonin just to try and get into a better habit. Our pead told us that it takes around an hour to work but we have found that it knocks our son out within about 15 mins! We don't like the idea of using it too often so he has it very rarely now but it is good in an emergency!
It is no good at keeping a child asleep (unless you get slow-release type) but it does help getting them to fall asleep.

Sorry I ducked out to do the bedtime routine, plus dc's watched Despicable Me earlier and I had to absolutely download the BeeGee's dancing - for me not the dc

As booby says melatonin is something naturally produced by the body, so shouldn't be any side effects. I have a friend that does use the slow release one and it works for but as Booby says it doesn't work for all. The other one works to allow the dc to wind down and sleep. We did use a spray melatonin that delivers a tiny dose to see if it would work and it did, it was from The Detox people www.detoxpeople.eu/index.php?l=product_list&c=5

The above link should take you to it.

I've just had enough of a desperately tired ds in the mornings, he flags at about tea-time and then perks up again until 10-11pm. It's also really stressful for dh and I because you are constantly on the alert and there is no break for, we creep around and spend the evening going upstairs to ds who makes noises, talks to himself and is just a constant din in the background

Also it's only a paediatrician who can prescribe it, GP's generally don't, but I have heard of EP's prescribing

DS is 8 and ASD and we are going through the mill with regards to bedtime.

He has a weighted blanket and a light that plays colours on the ceiling but he is afraid of the dark.....

He keeps himself awake on purpose because when he closes his eyes it is dark........

DH has taken to lying with him now and keeping him calm and still so he can't wriggle himself awake... Undoes all I did getting him to go to sleep alone but I don't care as long as he stops looking so pale and worn out.

Hi, Pretty much the same as neverput said with our Ds 8 he was like your Ds from a very early age.

We tried all sorts eventually we just allowed him a Dvd/light until he settled then I went in and switched off. When the school caught wind of this it became the reason why Ds was not doing well at school e.g, tired, mis-behaving, no concentration etc etc.

Obviously this works for my DS who is older, so may not be ideal for yours.

Tea time.
Bath time.
Supper time/chill out time (1 hour) with everything turned off. DS uses this time to draw pictures....which believe it or not actually gives me an idea of how he's feeling at the time, dinosaurs destroying trains is the worst!

He has a lamp on all night (I have tried for years to stop this but have now given up so it stays on!), I lie with my Ds but we have a set amount of time that I do this which is 15mins which IMO would be no different than sitting reading a story to him, I don't speak unless spoken too, just bear hug him . He goes to bed at 8.00 (any earlier and he stays awake later ). The majority of the time my Ds will use this time to ask me questions about little things which have happened during the day which are obviously playing on his mind, it can be a case of me just clarifying something which was said in passing by his teacher for example last night after a very 'trying' evening following school:

DS:Mum we are all different aren't we?
Me:Yes darling everyone is different.
DS:But miss said today we are all the same...
Me:What was happening when Miss said this?
DS:She was cross because I wasn't doing my work....
Me:I think she meant that everyone in the class are the same because everybody including you needs to finish their work.
DS has a 'lightbulb' moment...a little relaxed smile covers his face and then he slowly drifts off to sleep. I however have visions of a heated debate during class about whether people are different or not......

He still wakes during the night and we still have nights when he can't settle but once he has had the 15 minutes that's it no more. He still gets tired, mis-behaves, and has zero concentration in school but there are lots of things which could be the cause not just his sleep.

An update from OP - Melatonin is MAGIC! We got some from Detox People website. First night (single squirt) and DS was asleep in 10 minutes, night two it took 15 minutes. So we saw our paediatrician today and she has now prescribed it in pill format. Out with the pestle and mortar tonight, crunch it up and pop it in a drink.

Our paediatrician also informed us there is research showing kids with ASD have low melatonin levels.

DS seems happier and a bit more 'with it'.

It's also saved me from trying to revive my rather rubbish sewing skills and trying to make weighted blankets etc.

Glad it's worked for you and your ds is feeling better for

rright, how did you get melatonin? i need some magic.