Advice on dealing with ml in denial of dds autism

[autumnsmum]

Hello wise mumsnetters am having problems with mil .As you all know dd2 has autism and is going to ss in sept .I am having issues with mil she works at dds preschool and is driving me insane with snide comments . everything is this child's worse than yours and I'd love to see her in mainstream .This is very hard to deal with when you've had a weekend of meltdowns .Dp has his own mental health issues so doesn't help deal with it I know it's a minor issue but any advice would be most welcome thanks

No advice but want to say your not alone. My DD has brain malformation, ataxic CP and sensory issues. Regular major meltdowns and my MIL and FIL keep saying she'll get better and is just attention seeking. Have tried to explain loads but they won't accept and refuse to use her buggy as she 6 yrs old and can walk. Wheelchair clinic today for dd and MIL said last night we shouldn't be wasting NHS funds!

True saying that we can choose our friends but not our family!

Thanks for the replies zzzzz I was thinking of doing what you've suggested as it is causing me so much stress

*no

Thanks saintly I'm seeing a therapist at the minute .Needless to say she's totally unsympathetic about her sons mental health issues .It doe

Sorry door went it doesn't help that her dp has perfect grandchildren who do things like cheer leading groan

Mine's gone the other way. Unfortunately she has a friend with a child with a disability and chose my son's 6th birthday to give me a blow by blow account of what support she will get as an adult and how the mum is so relieved that she doesn't need to worry about what will happen when she dies. She was even dropping hints about how I would get on so well with this woman and dropping hints about me meeting her, no doubt chaperoned by mil. Lol. I think I preferred the denial stage. My mum's not much better. She comes out with corkers like, "It's as if other people aren't there" ad desperately tries to point out all sorts of things to him and then sighs dramatically when he takes no notice. I think you do have to build a protective wall round. Also, and this is a bit mean, but I am in 40s and they are 70s so I can be a bit 'yes dear' with them which is infuriating for them!

No advice either, I'm in the same position with IL denial : got to the point where we haven't spoken in months
They just will not mention it
Are anti statementing and intervention, and just think a child needs love (yes this is true of all kids but if they have SN then the right help makes a difference!)
It just makes an isolating situation even worse

I dont know why IL denial happens but I have read about it a lot on here

I've had this too, MIL putting all bluechick's problems down to the fact that she's little.

Er no, think it's more to do with the missing chromosome actually you mad old drunken bat dearest MIL.

I found being very very blunt helped. And saying, "I have explained all this to you before," whilst rolling your eyes slightly.

Luckily i don't have that problem, as my mil has been in a care home for 5/6 years. The fact your dd is going to a ss in september should be enough to silence her. At least once mil sees the progress dd makes in ss, that should hopefully silence her. As jellycurls has pointed out we can choose our friends, but not our family!

Thanks everyone .Eveyone who works with mil at dds preschool has said ss is the right place for dd but she insists that because dd is verbal she will be held back which is rubbish!

Luckily i also have a fab sil,who got her senco friend to go over my dds paperwork etc. They guided me in the direction of special schools. As i was in denial at the beginning, it was quite daunting looking around the schools. Do you have anyone in your family who can come to your aid when mil makes snide remarks. I just get comments from other parents about how wonderful there kids are, they have such photographic memories etc. Just 22 more days left there.

Thanks everyone mil came out with a great one last night apparently dd is very clever !obviously I love dd with all my heart but the fact is she has been diagnosed with autism and cognitive impairment

Greener2 sorry to hear that your husband's dad is so unsupportive, at the end of day we just want the best help for our kids. Have a good night out, just don't ask fil to babysit, or maybe a family day out. At the end of day, we need our families to support us.