Tell me about Aspergers please

[dietstartsmonday]

14 yo DS just got dx. I don't know alot about it. Have read up a bit and got some more to read.
He is high functioning , very clever but socially he is not good. How can i help him now?

Hello diet My Ds is 8 so not quite at the age your Ds is so I don't think I will be much help, I'm sure someone will be along soon

How is your Ds at home? How is he at school, does he have support?

Well every aspie is different so not really sure where to start in answering your question.

I have a DS same age who has HFA, so feel free to ask any questions of me that you wish - either on the board or via PM.

DS struggles socially, he wants to have friends but doesn't always know how friendships work.

He gets obsessions and can't switch off from them so doesn't understand that he is boring the pants of his mates.

He also can't cope with rules being broken and is very black and white - doesn't mix well with teens who are pushing boundaries when he is lecturing them - he is right of course they shouldn't be smoking; dropping litter; answering back; flouting uniform rules etc etc but I do worry he is going to get thumped for telling them so.

Thanks both of you for replying.

At home he is not too bad as i really encourage him to interact and join in with the family. If i let him i am sure he would stay in his room alone!

His lack of mates is what worries me most. There are a couple of lads he gets on ok with, but makes no effort to mix with them outside of school no matter how much i encourage it.

He has also been the subject of bullying for 3 years. Which i have been working on with the school.

It breaks my heart to think if him lonely and picked on

DS is the same, given the choice between interacting or sitting in front of a screen, the screen wins hands down - although this is fairly normal for a teenage boy from what I see of my friends DS'.

The bullying is a major issue and I hope that the school are being supportive over it - does he have a statement?

Re being lonely - perhaps he prefers that?

If you want to help him with social opportunities, then are there out of school things that he might enjoy? I don't know what his interests are but are there individual sports that he could join in? Sailing, go-karting etc? What about something like Scouts or Cadets? They are generally very inclusive, and the kids who go there are generally not the sorts hanging round the park causing a nuisance as there is nothing better to do.

Oh just another thought, can you make a point of making contact with his friends parents and making arrangements? DS is rubbish at making his own arrangements so I will usually have to set something up for him at weekends / holidays.

He is a scout and really enjoys that, so pleased about that.

I think maybe contacting parents is a good plan. I think some of it as you say is normal teenage boy too.

No statement yet but am working on that. The school have been a bit lapse with the bullying but i have been in so many times they are starting to improve now!

I find I have to treat DS socially in the same way as I did my DD when she was 5yo - everything has to be structured / led by me or it just won't happen...

Hi dietstartsmonday - my DS is 15 with AS, also bright and in mainstream education, he was diagnosed age 6. He is quite outgoing but although he had a great social life at primary school he found secondary school much harder. Things have started to improve this year, now that he has started his exam subjects and is spending more time with kids who share his interests and academic level. But he doesn?t see them out of school. He?s been out just twice socially with school friends this year - one of those he managed to invite a couple of school friends to the cinema for his 15th birthday, the first time since primary school.

My DS would be very embarrassed if I interfered in his social life, and he resists all pressure from me to meet up with friends. If your DS is going to Scouts then that?s great in itself. My DS refused to do Scouts. He did go to a weekly youth club for a couple of years, but that stopped. This year he started Duke of Edinburgh, which has been very good for him and helped him get on with other kids at school.

We?ve also encouraged DS to socialise online. He?s not very keen on general chatting, he has a Facebook account but doesn?t use it. But online games can be good ? my DS played Travian, which is played with strangers but is very well moderated, and we discussed it with him to make sure things stay polite and appropriate. He is also very keen on Dungeons and Dragons and is now playing a game by email with people on a D&D forum.

Hi Klein, thanks for your reply. Your Ds sounds very much like mine.
I will just encourage i think and bot pressure.

My DS wants to do DOE as well so is starting that soon