People are funny, - or is it me that is funny?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I had a meal out yesterday afternoon (Father's day). Give the 'dynamics' of my family, we ate at 4:30pm and outside. The tables and chairs were on artificial grass in a closed street, with the pavements still as pavements.

In between courses ds left the table and had a good flap and various other stimming actions. Across the artificial grass sat a happy drunk homeless person who started copying him, much to ds' amusement. Despite 2 glasses of wine I was keeping a careful eye on the situation and saw 'therapy' akin to son-rise or intensive interaction so allowed it to continue for a bit.

A passer by stopped at our table and told me to 'ask ds to sit down as he was encouraging the drunk', and another 'do you not think it is a bit dangerous to encourage this?'

Later, when ds (just turned 1 and crawling) was too wriggly, I let him down to crawl on the artificial grass. There were some passers by but the no. of passing people had vastly reduced. Okay, ds got absolutely filthy as he also went onto the pavement parts and kind of commando crawls but he was being watched carefully by 3 adults and isn't a big risk for putting things in his mouth. Again, dh picking him up after about 10 minutes because of the comments from people who seemed to think we should be doing something.

The first two times someone decided to tell us 'isn't that dangerous' I laughed, but I got a bit fed up with it.

So anyway, I have no social reference for parenting, because I have learned that 'social' doesn't come into it. You do what you do and try to avoid impacting on others if it is possible or shrugging if it isn't.

However just this morning I wondered whether in fact letting your 6yr old play with a drunk and your 1yr old slither across the pavement, was in fact not all that normal, though I do refuse to accept that either situation was as dangerous as some of the people were making out.

(btw, I used to volunteer in a fairly senior role with a charity that worked on the frontline with homeless people).

Letting your DS play with a drunk sounds amazing, Star! I would probably have been a bit wary, but that may be my prejudice talking. The slithering baby sounds completely fine!

Frankly, he had more skills than anyone from our ex-LA autism advisory service.

He remained seated during the interaction and ds' asd means he keeps good distance.

Frankly playing with the homeless bloke in your full view at all times was probably a safer interaction than leaving him alone with some "professionals" (says a Mum whose child is a veteran of two physical assaults by school staff).

SNOBBERY - it's an awful human behavior and one I'LL HAVE NO TRUCK WITH. No one would have complained if he'd been interacting with a "city suit". The simple ability to recognise others as fellow human beings is a crucial part of raising well-adjusted children I feel.

There's this growing desire to portray people as the unacceptable "other" in society at the moment which I feel is a very dangerous trend. It's getting worse under the Condems - at it's worst it's led to horrible atrocities such as the "clean up" of street children in Brazil, racism, disability hate crimes etc. My way of rebelling is not to have any part in it.

Little bit less finger pointing and a bit more watching what their own little scroats are getting up to would significantly improve things in my neck of the woods iykwim.

I prescribe a good dose of Chas n Dave's "gertcha". Your parenting is FINE.

People see a drunk and forget that it's a human being that they're looking at. Probably the first time all day the guy had not been ignored.

Well it all depends in what type of drunk they are - if it was someone sat at one of the other tables wearing nice clothes and drunk from a couple of bottles of a nice Chablis that's ok but someone drinking cans of lager or cider is a no no! You must remember that homelessness is contagious so avoid these people at all costs!
And as for letting your baby crawl around - this is VERY dangerous as they will get their clothes dirty and we must NEVER let our children get their clothes dirty. If there is ever a chance of this happening you must stop the child and tell them to sit down nicely instead. So no climbing trees, making mud pies etc

BTW I am joking in case anyone thinks I'm serious!

I don't think you are strange. Then again, I am the type of person who sees a toddler go up the slide, rather than down, and thinks ooh look they used their initiative (as all the other mums stand tutting) or see happy children playing when they jump in muddly puddles, not dirty clothes. I've even been known to nod and hello to strangers of a morning. So probably not the best person to ask ;-)

Star - I thought of your post when I was on the beach in Cornwall this week. A trio had been sleeping rough on the beach and the police had to move them on. After about an hour of gentle coaxing, the police finally made them leave the beach. The trio then settled on the benches just above the beach. One of the group was so drunk, he could barely stand.

A little while later, a small toddler walked past him with her family. She was crying her eyes out and in a full-scale meltdown. The drunk started to sing 'jingle bells' to her and rattle his tambourine. She was entranced. He was entranced. Meltdown finished, the two distressed souls totally connected in the singing of a Christmas song in Summer.