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Going into battle...i

7 replies

neverputasockinatoaster · 16/06/2013 13:27

I have reached the end of my tether with school. I have tried to be supportive and understanding of them but at the end of the day DS is my priority.
I have looked on the ipsea website - loads of good info there which I WILL be using.

DS is 8, in Y3 and has Asperger's. He is very very bright and not at all suffering academically - was level 3 across the board at the end of KS1 and is level 4 for reading and maths now (4c).

He IS struggling socially - he IS being bullied and I am on that and he is finding it hard to manage his reactions. His rages are terrible and he needs support in that area. I ahve tried as hard as I can to work with him on strategies but I can only do so much as most of his anger happens at school when he feels stressed.

His class teacher is 'lovely' but is about as much use as a chocolate teapot despite being the school Senco up until last year. The HT, for some bizarre reason, does not want DS on an IEP or IBP.

So, I am in the process of writing an email to said HT raising, once again, the need for DS to have some support with anger management AT SCHOOL where all the scrotes who wind him up are at work, asking yet again for DS to have an IBP - quoting SENCOP and ipsea and raising the issue of supervision on the playground. DS was beaten up on Friday and nobody noticed as it happened in the garden area while the teachers were on the playground.

On Monday I will follow up by ringing and asking for a meeting with HT, CT and SENCO and I won't be leaving without an IBP. I will follow up the phone call with another email summarising the call and checking the date for the meeting.

I have all the letters from the paed in a file and I am also going to go postal about the supposed referral to the behaviour nurse.... If no joy there I will go back to the GP to get a direct referral to CAHMS - they turned us down last time as DS wasn't a suicide risk!

What elso do I need to do oh wise ones?

OP posts:
stillfightingforjustice · 16/06/2013 13:51

Right, if he's being bullied and beaten up then that is a safeguarding issue.I would be requesting copies of their behaviour/bullying and SEN policies for a start and see if they are doing what they should be doing. What are they doing when he gets angry at school? Is he being punished or are they being understanding and helping to de-escalate situations? I have found that you do need to be firm/assertive with school or they just happily coast along doing sod all tbh.

neverputasockinatoaster · 16/06/2013 14:24

OK, I have written this email...
I will edit out the names etc but welcome thoughts on it.

Dear Mr X,

I am writing to you in response to the two incidents that DS was involved in on Friday.

It has been quite difficult to get information about them out of DS but as I understand it the first indecent when he tried to bite Y happened before break, he was prevented from biting and it was because he felt Y was being bossy and annoying. DS and I have talked often about how to deal with people annoying him - we talk about taking a deep breath and walking away but I cannot be there all the time to help him and he is struggling to carry out the strategy on his own. He needs help and support to do this. DS vastly over reacted to the interference from Y but in his defence I doubt Y pointed once and that was it?..

The second incident occurred outside I believe. DS was playing with some cars belonging to another child and a boy from Year 4 said they were 'silly'. DS once again over reacted and an argument ensued. I believe DS was actually the one who lashed out first (utterly unacceptable in my mind and DS knows this) at which point he was set upon by 5 other boys from Year 4. My concerns here are that the child that started the argument is one that I know takes great delight in winding DS up. I am also concerned about supervision - this seems to me to be a safeguarding issue. I believe this occurred in the garden area and only stopped because DS got away and went to an adult for help. If 6 children were setting about one other child I find it hard to understand why it wasn't seen or heard earlier. DD also got tangled up in this - she was hit by a football being thrown at DS.

Let me be quite plain - I am furious with DS for being the one to take an argument from verbal to physical and we have had strong words about the unacceptability of his actions. I am also furious that he was set upon by 6 older boys and it wasn't seen. I am furious that these children think that is an acceptable way to behave. DS is no angel but he is not malicious, his actions are purely reactions to the stresses of living in a neurotypical world. I am also quite annoyed that the first I heard of it was a hurried conversation with Mrs Z at the end of the day. My child was beaten up. I would have expected a phone call or at the very least to be asked to come inside so I could be told about it in full detail rather than having to tease things out of DS.

My child has a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, he is not neurotypical and he is not coping with school. I do not understand why he does not have either an Individual Education Plan or and Individual Behaviour Plan and I am formally requesting that he be put on School Action immediately. I believe an IBP is more in line with his needs as he is not falling behind academically. According to SENCOP: The triggers for intervention through School Action could be the teacher?s or others? concern, underpinned by evidence, about a child who despite receiving differentiated learning opportunities presents persistent emotional or behavioural difficulties which are not ameliorated by the behaviour management techniques usually employed in the school and has communication and/or interaction difficulties, and continues to make little or no progress despite the provision of a differentiated curriculum.

I am also making a request to see your policies on bullying and your SEN policy.

Now, I realise that DS is not academically struggling BUT he is struggling to make his way through the social mire that is a primary school and he needs help.

I understand that you believe that you are doing your best by DS but, to be frank, he is being failed by the system. He needs help and I am asking you to please help me set in motion the wheels that will allow that to happen. It cannot be pleasant for your staff and the other children within the school to have to deal with the ball of rage he can so easily become.

I will be making an appointment with our GP to try and get support from CAMHS although they turned us down last time as DS was not considered to be a suicide risk. I suspect that was because he was referred through the paediatrician rather than our GP as there is some cross county confusion.

All I want, Mr X, is help for my son. I want him to be the best that he can be. Surely that is what you, as a head teacher, want too?

What do you think?

OP posts:
LuvMyBoyz · 16/06/2013 15:05

States your son's needs very clearly. I would also ask that teachers, TAs and supervisors have training in ASD and also some training for the other children. Everyone at school should have responsibility for helping him. I think you also need a clearer picture of the incidents and not just your son's perception so he and the others know what to do in a similar situation. Best wishes with getting the help you need from the school.

tigersmummy · 16/06/2013 16:55

That has to be the best emails I have ever read. It's clear, concise, doesn't paint DS as a PFB and makes school aware you think his actions and behaviour are unacceptable whilst ensuring that you know they are failing in their duty of care to a pupil. Absolutely fantastic. Well done, let us know how it is received.

neverputasockinatoaster · 16/06/2013 17:09

It has been sent with a few tweaks.

I added that I would be coming in to arrange a meeting to get DS onto School Action and to draw up a plan to ensure he is safe guarded and helped to achieve his full potential.

I think I am too aware of his failings - I might need to get a bit PFB on their arses!

OP posts:
Flappingandflying · 16/06/2013 17:11

Brilliant. Absobloody brilliant. I would mention that your son's diagnosis is recognised as a disability nd therefore under the recent Disability Act appropriate support mechanisms should be in place.

They have a safeguarding duty towards your son and to other students and without adequate supervision they are failing in that duty. What you do need to thinking about is what do you want the school to do? An IBP is only a bit of paper so what do you want. Some schools might say 'well he poses a threat to other students so he doesn't go out at playtime'. You don't want that. Think what is reasonable for the school to provide, eg, support during break and lunchtimes which migh include some guided structured play opprotunities to improve his social skills, somewhere for him to go when he gets angry before he lashes out, a time out card to show staff if he needs a couple of minutes.

As you say, you are doing your bit but you can't be there so they need to put in some proactive interventions asap before someone gets hurt.

Well done you. May your battle be short and fruitful.

AgnesDiPesto · 16/06/2013 20:11

I would also suggest looking at the P scales for social and emotional / citizenship below and asking the teachers to do the same and score him. I am almost sure you will be able to find something on those your DS cannot do. You can then use this as evidence of delay - P scales are for those working below level 1 of the national curriculum. So you will be able to point to a significant delay / SEN as evidence an IBP / IEP is needed. I would actually ask for an IEP as well because you can put social targets on there and in effect that sets out what social skills teaching the school are going to put in place.

So P7 says 'They understand agreed codes of behaviour which help groups of people work together, and they support each other in behaving appropriately'
If he can't do this you then can ask school to put in place a coaching programme to teach DS how to understand codes of behaviour in social situations. for eg Skills will be directly taught and role played with an adult and then generalised to real life situations. You can then set a specific measureable IEP target eg about DS walking away if teased. But you are making it clear he will not just pick this up - they have to do direct teaching / coaching / mentoring and role play / practice.

is a video of an ABA coach teaching about teasing which gives an idea.

Autism Partnership do a book called Crafting Connections on social skills but its too advanced for DS but might be worth a thread if you are thinking of buying it. AP work with my son in school and if I were in your situation unless I had an excellent autism outreach team I would think about getting some private social skills tutoring and even see if school would accept some outside training. However I know that even if you have funds finding a good ABA provider to work with higher functioning children on more advanced social skills is not easy. I just mention it in case it is an option for you as in my experience schools are clueless about how to teach social skills - which to be fair they don't get training on.

Yes of course they should be cracking down on the bullying but also need to give your son the skills to deal with situations.

P1 (i)
Pupils encounter activities and experiences.

They may be passive or resistant.

They may show simple reflex responses, e.g. startling at sudden noises or movements.

Any participation is fully prompted.
P1 (ii)
Pupils show emerging awareness of activities and experiences.

They may have periods when they appear alert and ready to focus their attention on certain people, events, objects or parts of objects, e.g. turning briefly towards another person.

They may give intermittent reactions, e.g. beginning to tolerate some activities, but ?switch off? if the activity becomes too intense.
P2 (i)
Pupils begin to respond consistently to familiar people, events and objects. They react to new activities and experiences, e.g. withdrawing from a person who is new to them.

They begin to show interest in people, events and objects, e.g. watching as they bring their own hands together.

They accept and engage in coactive exploration, e.g. sharing a hand massage with an adult.
P2 (ii)
Pupils begin to be proactive in their interactions.

They communicate consistent preferences and affective responses, e.g. expressing their immediate needs and feelings.

They recognise familiar people, events and objects, e.g., vocalising or gesturing in a particular way to another member of the class.

They perform actions, often by trial and improvement, and they remember learned responses over short periods of time, e.g. making similar responses several times during an interactive sequence with an adult.

They cooperate with shared exploration and supported participation, e.g. handling personal belongings passed to them.
P3 (i)
Pupils begin to communicate intentionally.

They seek attention through eye contact, gesture or action.

They request events or activities, e.g. prompting a peer or adult to continue an interaction.

They participate in shared activities with less support.

They sustain concentration for short periods.

They explore materials in increasingly complex ways, e.g. reaching out to touch the hair or face of another person during an interactive sequence.

They observe the results of their own actions with interest, e.g. listening as an adult imitates their own vocalisations.

They remember learned responses over more extended periods, e.g.
co-operating with support for frequently repeated personal care procedures from day-to-day.

P3 (ii)
Pupils use emerging conventional communication.

They greet known people and may initiate interactions and activities, e.g. prompting responses from another pupil.

They can remember learned responses over increasing periods of time and may anticipate known events, e.g. taking a place at the table when drink time is signalled.

They may respond to options and choices with actions or gestures, e.g. eye pointing to their choice of play or work partner.

They actively explore objects and events for more extended periods, e.g. prolonging an interactive sequence by producing new behaviours and triggering new responses from a partner.

They apply potential solutions systematically to problems, e.g. vocalising repeatedly to request an interaction with a peer or adult.
P4
Pupils express their feelings, needs, likes and dislikes using single elements of communication (words, gestures, signs or symbols).

They engage in parallel activity with several others.

Pupils follow familiar routines and take part in familiar tasks or activities with support from others.

They show an understanding of ?yes? and ?no?, and recognise and respond to animated praise or criticism.

They begin to respond to the feelings of others, e.g. matching their emotions and becoming upset.
P5
Pupils take part in work or play involving two or three others.

They maintain interactions and take turns in a small group with some support.

Pupils combine two elements of communication to express their feelings, needs and choices.

They join in discussions by responding appropriately (vocalising, using gestures, symbols or signing) to simple questions about familiar events or experiences, e.g. ?What does the baby need??
P6
Pupils respond to others in group situations, playing or working in a small group cooperatively, e.g. taking turns appropriately.

They carry out routine activities in a familiar context and show an awareness of the results of their own actions.

They may show concern for others, e.g. through facial expressions, gestures or tone of voice, and sympathy for others in distress and offer comfort.
P7
Pupils communicate feelings and ideas in simple phrases.

They move, with support, to new activities which are either directed or self-chosen.

They make purposeful relationships with others in group activities and attempt to negotiate with them in a variety of situations, e.g. if other pupils wish to use the same piece of equipment.

They judge right and wrong on the basis of the consequence of their actions. They show some consideration of the needs and feelings of other people and other living things, e.g. offering food to a visitor or watering a classroom plant.
P8
Pupils join in a range of activities in one-to-one situations and in small or large groups.

They choose, initiate and follow through new tasks and self-selected activities. They understand the need for rules in games, and show awareness of how to join in different situations.

They understand agreed codes of behaviour which help groups of people work together, and they support each other in behaving appropriately, e.g. while queuing in a supermarket.

They show a basic understanding of what is right and wrong in familiar situations.

They can seek help when needed, e.g. assistance in fastening their clothes.

They are often sensitive to the needs and feeling of others and show respect for themselves and others.

They treat living things and their environment with care and concern

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