Oh FGS!!!

[neverputasockinatoaster]

Today I picked DS (8, Aspie) up from school and his teacher beetled out with 'that' look on her face. She handed me a piece of paper and then rambled on about incidents at playtime that the head was dealing with..... I left very confused.

Read the piece of paper and basically DS tried to bite another child because he kept pointing at the space on the worksheet where DS needed to write his name and the date.......
Further discussions with DS threw up the fact that he was beaten up by 6 children from the year above....... This was because HE started a fight with one of them (I'll call him D) because D had said a car DS was playing with was 'stupid'. Sadi car belonged to a friend of DS's (I'll call him F) and DS exploded on his behalf.

I am beyond fuming. The 6 boys are being punished but I feel DS needs a sanction too as he basically started it. I KNOW he has anger management issues. I try so hard to give him strategies but I can't be there when he kicks off all the time talking him through the strategies.

Paed said she would refer us to the behaviour nurse and not to do any thing until we had seen her but I feel I need to hustle back to my GP and get snotty until we get some help. HT is about as much use as a bucket of frogs - he won't allow the SENCO to put DS on an IEP as 'he's so bright and not falling behind academically' (I'm on that one - he'll be on an IEP by the time I've finished believe me!) and I KNOW he won't do anything about the fact that the car comment was a set up.

I cannot go on like this... DS over reacts and explodes at the most minor things like a child pointing at his work. I can read up on strategies and suggest them and model them until I am blue in the face but he doesn't respond to role play. I KNOW it is all part of the Aspieness but dear god if he's like this at 8 how long until he does someone serious damage? I need help and we are falling through the cracks. We live in one county and he is at school in another. The county he is at school in is a county resistant to issueing statements........

Arse.

Us it is definitely the county you live in.

If you live in county A and your son goes to school in another county, then you need to apply to your home county with regards to a statement. I would certainly be applying for such a document in these circumstances. He will almost certainly need additional support at secondary and you need to think longer term too.

HT sounds completely useless and is also not letting his SENCO do the necessary work.

IPSEA's website is very good www.ipsea.org.uk

Why does DS go to this particular school?.

DS goes to the particular school for a variety of reasons..
I work in that county as a teacher and school holidays can differ quite markedly across the two counties.
When DS started school I was working full time and being at that school meant he spent less time in childcare than he would have done otherwise
I chose this school as we are Catholics, it is a Catholic school
Also working in the town I know the reputations the other schools have.... I would only ever have considered this one and the one I work in.
The school I work in is out because the HT is a shouty man... DS would just shout back!
Up until the end of KS1 they were absolutely fantastic with him. The KS1 teachers worked with me and we developed strategies to help him and them.
Since he has gone into KS2 it has all changed. His class teacher is lovely but a bit wooly and the teacher of the parallel class seems not to see the issues. They have a big issue with KS2 boys in Y3 and 4 who are spectacularly unpleasant. In KS1 the teachers saw it and managed it..... Since they have hit KS2 not so much......

I didn't realise it was the home county I applied to - I have always been told he wouldn't get a statement and he wouldn't get one from the county I work in. It has a bit of a reputation as far as SEN is concerned. I will look at the website. I confess I haven't done much about it because I have always believed he wouldn't get a statement as I thought it came from the county that educated him.

To be honest DS's biggest issue is anger management. I am at a loss. As with his other issues I have read and worked with him and tried to help him BUT if I am there I can manage the situation so he doesn't get so wound up or the scrotes who wind him up don't because there is an adult there.......

I really really really just want to cry. I know DS's issues are so small compared to the ones others deal with daily but I am at the end of my tether. I only want to help him. I just want him to be able to take a deep breath and walk away. I don't want him to get into a slanging match over a toy car that degenerates into him being beaten up (Must do a bruise check today as he was complaining his ribs hurt). I don't want him to try to bite a child because they point out he hasn't written his name on his work (although I have no doubt the child in question didn't just point it out once......).

DH and I are in discussion about the suitability of the school for DS. DD seesm to be thriving there but she is only in Foundation....

I doubt the suitabilty of any school for DS TBH but it makes me seethe when I know what my school would do for a child like DS......

If the HT of my school wasn't the HT I really would think about moving him but DS is so resistant to change as is DH......

It is always me that has to deal with it. Always me that hears about the fights, gets the evils from the parents in the playground, picks up the pieces, mends the bridges. Always me.

We have What to do when your temper flares. DS wouldn't work through it with me but did take it away to read by himself. Every time I try to talk about it with him he gets all defensive and shouts at me.

Very little support at school. Think we have fallen through a gap due to the difference in home/school county.

I am determined to go in on Tuesday (can't do Monday as I have a staff meeting that won't finish until late) and refuse to move until things are sorted.

I did have the Explosive child book but I just didn't get on with it and passed it on to someone else. I may have to get a new copy.

Stop being sympathetic to the school. They've made a choice (within limited options) that their scant resources are best directed elsewhere, and decided to let your darling DS go unsupported.

Faith schools, especially so-called 'good' ones, are usually shockingly bad in this regard, which used to make me and but now just makes me . The notable exceptions tend to be the poorly-achieving ones, who educate lots of disadvantaged dc. Requiring parents to get a vicar/priest/rabbi/imam to sign a form knocks out most of the (delete as appropriate) very poor, disabled, addicted, recently arrived, homeless Traveller, SEN, abused, single-parent and generally disorganised families.

I think my biggest problem regarding the school is that I am a teacher. I appreciate how bloody difficlut it must be to have my child in a class!

Got to stop doing that. Got to be a mum and a mum only and kick some butt.

It's ok to sympathise with the poor unsupported CT struggling with your ds and 29 others. It's not ok to sympathise with the HT and governors who've made a decision to spend the pupil premium and SEN funds on a new IT suite, rather than on giving your ds equal access to the education your taxes fund.