Need help

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Need help. DS (Y5) has been out of school for 5 weeks now. The GP signed him off and the EP and school supported this.

I now have a meeting tomorrow with EP, SLT, OT and school to discuss what the plan should be for my son in the immediate term and doubtless for secondary.

He has responded really positively to being out of school and has worked well at home . We have done lots of work on social skills and work around his interests.

So what to do? One big problem is that we haven't located any school which would be definitely be suitable for him at the moment - either for now or secondary. ASD bases are not feasible as they would mean he would have to be in the mainstream of the school most of the time. Other AS specific (and hugely expensive - 60k a year!) provision seems more geared to children with very challenging behaviour and GCSE grades aren't great.

We would move but not to an area more expensive so would have to go west.

It has been suggested that we ask for his provision to be delivered at home in the short term so he still gets his SLt etc but remains on the school roll. And that we ask to get control and ask to instruct a tutor ourselves to work with him

I'm not sure that my arsehole LA will go for that. They are not even going to send anyone to the meeting tomorrow and I suspect they will just suggest he gets the 5 hours a week out of school provision with any old tutor,

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to lose control of everything and end up with the LA sending just anyone in to start setting work for my son who might not understand AS and who will set him back in terms of confidence etc. and who will intrude in our home.

I don't want to open up a can of worms. Perhaps I should just HE? What do you think? It is hard to get impartial advice. Some people really dislike HE and I know it's not ideal but I disagree with those who say you can't be mum and a teacher etc

It would be good if he got someone decent to work with him but what if LA don't go for that. Meeting tomorrow morning so any advice welcomed.

The MN Home-tutor pattern seems to be to get some crap tutor for 2 weeks, write written complaint, get new teacher slightly less crap, write written complaint, get new teacher a bit more switched on that has some SEN experience, write complaint, get someone who knows something at last........

That's awful Star. How much damage could be done while that's going on .

Perhaps you should approach the situation differently. If at some point in the near future DS will need indi ss it might as well be from year 6. Especially if he is concerned about friendships/peer groups (albeit lacking social skills).

Although DS1 couldn't cope with m/s there were still negative consequences to his being out of school. Over the months he became more anxious in a generalised way to the point where he would now be referred to CAMHS if they did not have in-house whereas in year 5 it was clearly school-related anxiety. Perhaps if I had decided to HE this might have been different but as it was we had to live with months/years of uncertainty about his educational future.

If he/you see ss in the future then I would keep him on the roll and apply for tuition pending appropriate placement. My LA had a number of pupils who could not cope with mainstream and were recieving tuition pending suitable placement. My EOTAS manager agreed not to attempt integration into a unit (too academically advanced for MLD in any case) or reintegration into the school he was unable to attend.

I picked up school work before the tutor started as DS1 had vowed never to go near the place again! DS1 also would not work for me - hugely and voiciferously demand avoidant - but the LA would have been happy for the school and me to sort things out - no surprise that they would rather have me work as an unpaid tutor than fund a real one! The school did not need a consultant letter to authorise absence but the LA needed one to authorise tuition.

With regard to the suitability of the tutor you have a right to complain to the manager of the medical needs EOTAS and to ultimately have the tutor removed if they continue to act unsuitably. The LA are sneaky bastards and may send a m/s stuff-and-nonsense-we-are-all-on-the-spectrum monster in order to record that DS does not need ss but you don't have to put up with them or inflict them on DS.

They also have tutors who are used to dealing with extreme anxiety - DS1's tutor told me she had conducted sessions for months by passing notes back and forth under the pupils bedroom door. She was not in the least rigid. DS1 can't do arithmetic for toffee but he can see patterns in numbers. She got him to do simple arithmetic because she was willing and happy to discuss palindromes with him. Rather than a simplistic interpretation of ABA techniques she used his interest in and talent in art to explore the work of pop artists and to produce work in the style of Roy Lichtgenstein. He also produced work in the style of Quentin Blake who illustrates Rohl Dahl books and so was led into studying the text. She then helped him to create his own character based on descriptions in the text. LA tutors are only supposed to teach literacy, numeracy and science. Part of me thinks she is wasted but part of me thinks Thank God for people like her.

If he is oblivious to friends and would like to be HE, and you would like to do it, then this is may be the best option in the short-term.

Ultimately I suspect what you do now will depend on what you imagine the case will be in the near future (and beyond), what DS wants to happen and what you believe is needed.

Star - my pattern was

1. SN tutor withdrawn when DS1 assessed as to able for MLD centre
2. Crap tutor - spoke directly to her before lesson on day 2, phoned her manager at the end of the session on day 2, there was no day 3.
3. Yet another crap tutor - complained about me to II but was verbally reprimanded and removed. She only actually taught him for 5 hours.
4. Apologetic visit from EOTAS manager and medical needs manager.
5. Appointment of fantastic tutor.

At tribunal one statement from 2nd crap tutor - there are no problems with m/s and just to stick the boot in actually says that he should not be taught Art!!! But also one statement from the then current fantastic tutor which was brilliant.

Could have done without the stress but had no choice really pending tribunal.

Thanks. I think there is no question, if in school, he would need an independent SS but finding the right one is very hard.

The SpLD schools I have approached don't want to know. The AS specific schools seem to deal with children with very challenging behaviour and have a curriculum which offers one generic science, one generic humanities GCSE, numeracy, literacy and lots of art - cooking, DT, photography.

Indeed they seem to spend alot of time cooking!

If I were you (and I have been there) I would HE.
I realise I am a bit biased as it worked so well for us but HE can be a truly positive and life affirming thing. For both of you.

IE. I can promise you this. None of the schools that I approached wanted to know my ds. Not even the one he is currently in where he really is thriving now that they have 'got' him.

Do a FOI request on the County you are in plus the counties you could live in requesting names and addresses of all the schools they fund children with a dx similar to your ds'.

You might also think about asking how many are in sixth form placements. Then call those schools and ask for figures that have gone on to higher/further education.

The ONE thing that makes me worried about HE, and it is only one thing, is that ds will not get the practise he might need to be part of an institution that will be the most likely scenario for his working life.

Dumb rules, routines, policies that he just has to follow.

If those dumb rules are preventing him from learning then obviously dumb rules need to be removed, and I don't think removing dumb rules is necessarily detrimental for the future, but it could be.

The only other thing, which doesn't make me worried but is a consideration is the childcare and respite aspect of school.

That was the hardest thing for me star...the respite aspect of school.
I don't really buy the whole socialisation argument tbh....my ds went to forest schools, to national parks, to RAF bases, to a pottery class, a wildlife club etc all stuff he would never have got to do in school.
If you live in a big city there are some very busy HE communities out there.

Oh, and my mil was so dismissive she didn't speak to me for 2 weeks after we took him out of school.
6 months later we were talking about ds and his progress and she said;
"He was the best thing WE ever did,"
:)

Thanks guys.

Just to let you know that has been agreed that DS should be signed off until the summer holidays (because of his school related anxiety) and that he should be kept on the school roll but educated off the premises (at home)with support from school.

All parties were in agreement that it would be worth exploring tutor options and perhaps looking at an education otherwise funded package - keeping him on the school roll but delivering provision at home, using carefully selected tutors and e-learning as possible options.

I suppose if I can get to HE him with support (as respite as Star says and so I can work!) that might be the best of all worlds.

Transition review will be before hols and we can discuss suggestions then.

PG - advocates, lawyers, everyone seems to be very anti-HE. I suppose because they see it as doing the LA's job for them. But I don't want him further messed up by the system.

For now we have breathing space. God I am soooooo tired!

The ONE thing that makes me worried about HE, and it is only one thing, is that ds will not get the practise he might need to be part of an institution that will be the most likely scenario for his working life

That worried me too, initially, but then I realised that ds needed a complete break from that sort of thing to recover from the harm he'd suffered from having no support.

We've spent the last four years finding whatever opportunities we could to build him up to institutional settings - he copes pretty well now and most people wouldn't know he had any kind of dx till they got to know him better, but he still wouldn't survive for more than a few days in a big secondary school. It would overwhelm him very quickly even after all the progress he's made. I suspect a lot of our children never really get to thrive in those environments, they just somehow make it through and I don't think that's any good to anyone.

Overall we had to make a choice that kept ds's mental health intact at the moment he needed it. He was being destroyed and we had to take action urgently. I think IE is in a similar place with her ds to where we were back then.

You're right though about childcare and respite. You don't get much of a break with HE and SN, and it can be exhausting. Certainly something to consider before taking the plunge.

Sounds as though you've got a good plan there. IME lots of people who remove children with statements to HE suddenly find themselves inundated with offers of support from the LA that would have been unthinkable whilst still at school - I reckon they don't like looking as though they've failed a child so back up quickly to show how caring and supportive they can be. If they're amenable to providing support for you to HE then I'd take it.

LAs have a responsibility towards identifying and supporting children with disabilities and special needs. Strictly speaking yes, a child's education is the responsibility of the parents but if there is SN involved, the LA has to be certain that s/he is being provided for appropriately (I know, don't laugh - the things they get away with while those children are in schools ...)

With a statement, there would still be annual reviews and if the LA isn't satisfied that needs are being met, they can intervene.

Yes that was my experience streaky

"I also have issues with just accepting rules, policies and procedures that are illogical, but that's probably why I will never climb a career ladder"

PG - Sounds like me - it's why I have to work for myself!

Streaky ' I reckon they don't like looking as though they've failed a child so back up quickly to show how caring and supportive they can be'

I think you are right. Our OT said the education officer had been on the phone and they were all 'really worried about DS' up at the SEN office. That's why they issued his statement after the AR with no alteration to his provision

There will be all sorts of game-playing going on in the LA right now. If you stick to your guns you could end up with a support package you'd never have dreamed possible. They could well be falling over themselves to demonstrate how far they're willing to go to ensure his needs are met. You've got quite a powerful hand atm - play it wisely .

IE are you getting my emails?

About the FOIA? Just going through them now. Ta x