Ideas about DS.

[Holycowiloveyoureyes]

I'm going to ramble here, so apologies in advance.

DS is 6 and I'm worried about his behaviour. I'm torn between thinking there are other issues with him and that I'm a crap mum and he's just naughty for me.

I'll start by saying he's very well behaved at school. He is extremely law abiding, loves the rules that are there and would be devestated to get into trouble there.

At home though it's a different story. He can be wonderful, kind, sweet but the other side of him is awful. He's like Jekyll and Hyde and can flip out very quickly. If playing with his sister he loses it if she doesn't follow his increasingly complicated rules. Any rule break in his eyes means he'll shout or worse, lash out. If playing with friends he becomes distressed if they do something wrong is put the cars in the sand pit where he thinks they should n't go. He rarely lashes out at them but he gets very stressed and panicked.

He can't handle choice. For example he had some money to spend in a shop, there were lots of toys and he just couldn't decide what to buy. He ended up crying and was very stressed by the whole thing.

He doesn't respond to reward charts etc, taking toys away doesn't work. Tonight he lost the plot over a game of football. He screamed and shouted then hit his dad. He did time out then was told to apologize. Instead he kicked the ball at his dad then screamed in his face. I'd warned him anymore behaviour like that would result in an early shower then bed so up we went. He was furious. He screamed, shouted, hit me, punched me. I had to wrestle clothes of him and get him in the shower. He just seems to totally lose control and not be able to get it back. In between hitting me he was saying he was sorry and he loved me, then he'd smack me again.

I hate to see him like this, he gets so distressed, I tell him it's not acceptable behaviour, he says he knows. He gets genuinely upset during and after one of these episodes.

I think there's underlying issues with him, he's always been socially awkward, DH thinks he's just naughty and he'll grow out of it.

I'm at my wits end. I feel a total failure as a mother :(

I have seen this with ks3 children and parents at their wits end because people think they are rubbish parents even though their other children are great. Hard for schools to do anger management because they don't see the anger so can't work on the anger triggers. CAMHS referral via the GP may get your ds into a programme to manage his anger and/or investigations as to the causes of his behaviour. CAMHS and/or local Parent Partnership may have a parenting class for you to attend to help him manage his behaviour better or even a support group for you.

You could be describing DS1, he has Aspergers syndrome. He is exceptionally law abiding in school, so they couldn't see any issues, they just thought him very sensitive. But making choices is almost impossible for him and can lead to the most amazing tantrums, where he loses control and argues with DH, which he would never do when he isn't feeling threatened by the lack of control he has in a situation.

Yes...these pupils sometimes get an ASD diagnosis which is why CAMHS is a good place to start...in my LA only CAMHS can diagnose ASD.

Thank you all.

He is a very anxious child, doesn't like change, hates surprises. We could n't just spring a day out on him, he'd freak out. He has to know where we're going, what will be there etc.

He is obsessive about things, but I know all children can be. My mum says I'm just looking for something wrong but I've always had a gut feeling something isn't right.

He worries about things, if he can't do something perfectly he won't do it. He was a late talker, then suddenly took off with it. He won't read in front of people apart from me if it's a new book. He's so scared of getting things wrong.

My heart breaks for him, I feel I've let him down somewhere.

He hates certain noises, certain hand dryers, the pressure cooker going off and motorbikes are the worst. He'll put his hands over his ears and try to run away.

Yesterday we were at a museum. There was so much he wanted to see he just ran around, overly excited. He seemed not to know what to do with himself.

God, all this written down looks bad doesn't it :(

Other days he's "normal" and people don't see what I'm on about. I even doubt myself, then we have a major kick off and I'm thinking I'm shit mum of the year again.

Sorry for all the posts, can't sleep.

:) My mum refuses to see anything wrong with my DSs, although she will frequently tell me they are odd. She even points out children who "really do have Aspergers". It's hard to admit that there may be something different about people that you love.

I think you have enough red flags in your posts to justify going to the GP and asking for a referral to CAMHS, or whoever does the autism diagnoses in your area. Make a list for a week or so before you go, to document how often the behaviours occur, it is very easy for a GP to say "all children are anxious" or "all children don't like change" but if you can give concrete examples, e.g "I can't surprise my child with a trip to McDonalds because he gets scared he won't be able to sit in the same seat, and won't be able to make a choice from the menu" you are more likely to be taken seriously. I think the turning point for my GP in making a referral was that having chosen a Christmas present (After weeks of angst) DS was then worrying he had made the wrong choice, and what if it wasn't as good as he thought it was going to be. (We actually originally had a referral to the anxiety team, who decided within minutes it was actually Aspergers and sent us to the right team).

And, there are days when my DSs appear completely NT (DS2 has high functioning autism), although they still don't make eye contact, but to an uninitiated observer they would be 100% fine. No tantrums, no obvious worries etc.