Dropping out of clubs etc

[inappropriatelyemployed]

DS is out of school at the moment but happy with it. School were very helpful but DS just can't take dealing with alot of noisy, unpredictable NT kids every day.

Anyway, he has never been able to attend m/stream clubs for this reason so we have tried various different things to expand his interests - e.g art lessons at home or a disability sports club. But he has dropped out of those as they seemed to become more of a stress every week as he got less and less interested in them and I was fighting a losing battle for no particular purpose.

He has, however, stuck to violin lessons as I have not let him drop out. He started them at his old school two years ago and continued when he left as the LA music teacher who was doing them was made redundant and started doing them privately. It has been a battle but I have forced him to go and to practice.

But why? He moans about it constantly. He goes all floppy and disinterested for the 30 mins we are there. He whinges every week now and says he is not interested in it and can we stop. It is a stress for all of us.

I worry that, if I stop, he will never stick to anything he doesn't like. But then I think he is not likely to get the message that you have to do things in life you don't like sometimes by being forced to a violin lesson every week.

What would you do? I hasten to add that, sadly, he is not very good although he is always much praised and encouraged. His coordination and other skills make it complex. He won't attend the recitals the teacher holds or the young strings group the other children go to.

Am I being mad forcing him into this??

IE somebody recently said to me that if Dc's dont go to school that they dont socialise, it is irrelevant in my opinion because they cant learn social skills without decent support and cant learn anything if they are totally stressed. School is just not right for many of our children.

As far as the music goes all of my Dd's have had music lessons and the older 2 have both gone through times when they have hated it and not wanted to put the work in. Dd1 continued until yr11 and was quite good on flute and clarinet. She still gets the flute out from time to time to play it. Dd2 gave up and the end of yr 6 because she just didnt want to continue.

Dd3 plays at school for around 30 mins a week and in a band with the scouts. I am nnot paying for her to have lessons. Of the 3 she is the one who takes herself off and plays. She works out the tunes from the clarinet at school on her trumpet from band and vice versa and plays both sets of music on the piano.

If your Ds gives up his lessons I would recommend having instruments around for him to access and he might continue to play even without the lessons. In fact with less pressure he might play more like my Dd3.

Good luck whatever you and he decide

Thanks INP. That is helpful.

Kleinzeit - Children are all different so Aspies are as you say. But it is far from uncommon for Aspies to find school a socialising nightmare and the last place to get any decent social interaction or to learn any social skills. Mainstream interventions seem so poor in quality. It is a social communicatiin disability after all.

I was going to say that in a mainstream school the LAs are probably more used to kids like mine than kids like yours? but then again, they weren?t that used to kids like mine either.

I?m really sorry that the support in mainstream hasn?t worked, it?s not uncommon for kids with ASCs but it must be really disappointing if you thought you had a good set-up. And especially if the professionals don?t recognise that it doesn?t work for him and that he needs something different. Have you decided to go for a special school or home educate, or are you still thinking through what to try next?

My DS (aged 14) refused to play Warhammer but is a D&D fanatic and has just signed himself up for an email game over the summer.

We always told DS when he took up a hobby that he had to commit to it and not drop put after we bought whatever equipment was needed, so I am with you to a certain extent on the 'sticking at it' front, although I think in your position, I would let the violin lessons go as it doesn't sound like he is progressing and as a former, poor violinist, I think it would be kinder to your eardrums The only thing DS has dropped out of so far is Karate, and he did that for about 3 yrs and gained some belts, but wasn't enjoying it, so we let him stop.

He did, however, enjoy a swim club at the local pool which was non-competitive and was just designed as a progression for children who had finished lessons. He was able to be a member of the club whilst not having to interact too much as the instructor just told them each individually what to practice and they just got on with it. There was usually a fun/games 10 mins at the end, but DS managed that.

He also took up indoor climbing after trying a taster session. MY DH had to do a short course in belaying (holding the ropes for the uninitiated) and DS found a friend who would go with him, so there was a little interaction but not to the extent of the climbing clubs that are held at the climbing wall.

At 14 DS was able to join our gym, as long as he was accompanied by us. Again, this is something he can just get on with, without having to interact with others - although he will say hello to people and there are a few others that go whom he knows, so will talk to them if appropriate (including his SENCO from school).

So I think it is just about finding the right activity (easier said that done, I know), something that your DS will really enjoy doing. If you want something musical, has your DS tried keyboard?My DS really enjoys playing around and picking out tunes and there are lots of buttons to press, which might suit if he is a bit 'technical'