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Original poster

Please give me some advice-DS keeps running away

28 replies

amistillsexy · 04/06/2013 22:33

DS is 9, and has ASD. He has started to let himself out of the house and run off whenever he gets cross about something.
Today, we were looking for him for 25 minutes, and found him just as I was going back to the car to get my phone to call the police.

I am still reeling from the thought that something had happened to him, and panicking that this will happen again, and he will get hurt.

OP posts:
claw2 · 04/06/2013 22:52

Put a locks on the doors so he cant run away?

Give him an alternative, a safe place where he can go when he feels like running away?

Ds hides underneath the TV cabinet or in his in room under a blanket, when he gets overwhelmed.

Original poster
amistillsexy · 04/06/2013 23:00

The doors are locked, but he hunts for the keys, and watches me like a hawk, ss hiding them is hard. After today's incident, I hid the keys in my bra! Unfortunately, having to lock us all in means that his brothers can't go out to play, and today, the front door was locked, he ran out through the door we were sitting next to, as we were sitting outside.

He has safe places in the house, and we've gone over these again today, but unfortunately, when the rage gets him, he just wants to get away.

OP posts:
claw2 · 04/06/2013 23:11

Maybe he doesn't feel 'safe' in the safe places he has? I know that ds likes to feel enclosed when he needs to get away and be left alone, so just going to another room, wouldn't make him feel any better. He needs to curl up inside or under something.

can you ask him what would make him feel better when he is feeling angry/stressed?

Im not sure of the lay out of your house. Here I only have one door which leads to the street, the others lead to the garden.

Ds did go through a stage of drawing maps to fantasy places when he was younger, putting his shoes on and trying to leave the house to go find them.

  1. I locked the front door and if his much older brothers needed to go out, I locked the door behind them.
  1. I hid his shoes!

Luckily this stage didn't last too long. But general ds is a 'runner' when he get stressed.

Original poster
amistillsexy · 04/06/2013 23:19

OUr house has a 'front' door that is straight onto a busy road, and a 'back' door (actually at the side), which opens onto a little lane that opens onto the busy road. No garden, no barriers.
The house is rambling, over 4 floors, so hard to know where everyone is.
His brothers are younger- 5 and 7. I have only just this spring allowed them to play out without me. I keep the doors unlocked when they are out, and they only play on the little lane, which is private for just 4 houses, so pretty safe traffic wise.
It's not to do with him feeling safe, it's that curling up in a small space doesn't do it for him- he wants to escape, to get out and he knows how disruptive and upsetting it is when he does it. He likes to shock. My difficulty is that when he loses his temper like this, all sense and reason goes out of the window.

OP posts:
claw2 · 04/06/2013 23:56

Im not sure what else to suggest other than locking doors. Hopefully someone else might have some more helpful suggestions.

MareeeyaDoloures · 05/06/2013 00:08

Does he like iPhones? Tracker
If he had a phone, would he take it when running off?

Maryz · 05/06/2013 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneInEight · 05/06/2013 09:57

I have two who have form for doing this. ds2 was gone for three hours in his pyjamas on one occasion. The police were very helpful so do not be afraid about ringing them if he goes missing again. Hiding the shoes is a good idea - will try that one myself - we also lock the doors and have child-locks on the cars as one escaped whilst in a traffic jam once. At the moment ds2 locks himself in the bathroom when it all is getting too much - we are thinking of putting a lock on his bedroom door so he can have that as a safe place too. It is so difficult as they have no conception it is a dangerous thing to do.

squidworth · 05/06/2013 11:29

I have small combination safe next to my front and back doors which contain keys, I also have window restricters on all windows and doors. I bought from amazon.

lougle · 05/06/2013 11:40

You can get fingerprint door entry systems, but they're about £500.

Original poster
amistillsexy · 05/06/2013 16:49

Thanks for all the suggestions. It's lovely to hae people popping up and saying they have the same. It makes me feel less awful! Unfortunately, we have no garden, just the lane by the house, which leads to other houses, then the main road. No way of creating a hidy hole or a treehouse or anything like that (Iwish!).

Locking up all shoes is a definite possibility, and I like the idea of a combination safe for keys-especially since a neighbour was recently burgled and they stole her cars by getting the keys.

I thought it might be worth speaking to the local police, and getting them to come out to speak to him about the danger to himself and how serious it would be if they were called out. He takes 'The Law' very seriously (just not MY bloody laws!), so it might stop him if a PC were to tell him not to do it. The police here are not exactly run into the ground (despite the burglary-that was the Crime of the year, and got forensics out and everything-the police always look very bored!). I just worry that the Pc would get it wrong and either make him terrified to leave the house at all, or excited at the prospect of Police attention!

Does anyone know if Fanmily Fund would give us some money for a fingerprint system? Or even to update the door locks so they lock behind us when we come in? At teh moment, we need to lock with a key, and if I'm carrying bags of shopping, or dealing with the kids, I often forget.

OP posts:
lougle · 05/06/2013 16:55

They might do, worth asking.

Maryz · 05/06/2013 18:24

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squidworth · 05/06/2013 19:23

Is your door upvc, we have dummy handles on our upvc which means you need the key. It was a pain as had to buy two sets of handles as they usually only have the outside as a dummy handle or you can remove the metal spindle in the ones you have. OT referral can help depending on waiting list.

cornypedicure · 05/06/2013 20:23

my ds goes on the roof of the extension
some of the neighbours are Hmm but I know where he is and he's (relatively) safe

Maryz · 05/06/2013 20:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornypedicure · 05/06/2013 20:28

my ds's teacher says it's because they are trying to regulate themselves but don't know how...makes sense with ds anyway

Maryz · 05/06/2013 20:39

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cornypedicure · 05/06/2013 20:55

I feel really sad when I think back to ds in primary school as well. Sad

It's obvious now how difficult he finds it all, so it must have been really hard for him. I really regret not taking him out of school altogether when he was little.

Original poster
amistillsexy · 05/06/2013 21:23

Maryz, if we had a flat roof that would be great. Unfortunately, DS's bedroom does have a roof window that he could climb out of if he wanted to, but it leads onto a very sloping roof that is 4 storeys high Shock. Even the man who came to fix the TV arial refused to climb up on our roof! Now I'm panicking about him climbing out of the window!

The door is made of UPVC, but I don't understand about the dummy handles, squidworth. Do you mean that you can only turn the handle if the key is in the lock? That sounds like a good idea. I need to get a locksmith in to advise me, and then get some costings for various solutions. We are waiting to hear from OT, the doctor made the referral about 3 weeks ago. I'll ask them then.

We're lucky in that we got a Dx young, when he was 5. We're on our third school, though- he used to run away from the others, but he tends to stay at this one. I'd better get in touch with them and warn them Sad. Luckily, the school he attends now is well set up for him, he has several places to run to, and is able to use a space hopper round the corridors, and other ways to get it out of his system. The problem at home is that when it's me he's upset with, he can't escape the strength of his feelings, so running away from me seems the only way. It doesn't happen often, thankfully, but when it does, he just wants to get away from me Sad

Corny, it's intersting that your ds's teacher says about them regulating themselves. It fits in very well with what I've been reading recently in The Whole Brain Child. I really need to finish this book!

You're all so kind and lovely and helpful. Thanks! On a good note, we had another day together today (DS's school having training days until tomorrow), and we had a much happier day Smile

OP posts:
squidworth · 05/06/2013 22:02

The handles do not turn the lock an example is
www.handlestore.com/products/D10-uPVC-Door-Handle-Lever-Fixed-Pad/W/

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Upvc-Door-Handle-Lever-Fixed-Pad-220mm-Plate-122mm-Fix-92mm-PzGold-White-Silver-/330820057016

The fixed handle is usually on the outside but I have them on both sides.

Maryz · 05/06/2013 22:49

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornypedicure · 05/06/2013 23:00

what about a pop up tent?

Maryz · 05/06/2013 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mymatemax · 06/06/2013 00:15

do you have a neighbour or friend that you can agree that he is allowed to run to, if he needs to run, if they are not in perhaps he could just go in to their garden.
Not ideal but at least you would know where to start looking.