school refusal - help!

[newbrunette]

I haven't been on this board for ages as I've been so busy so I hope you don't mind me just popping in with a crisis... I'm really struggling with ds at the moment and have no idea how to handle things - I'd really value any thoughts, suggestions, ideas, experiences etc.

So... ds (will be 6 in August; probable dyspraxia and Aspergers - no diagnosis yet) started refusing to go to school back in Jan - lots of screaming and shouting and just plain refusing to go in. This lasted a few weeks (on and off) and we were always able to get him to school once he'd calmed down - usually a couple of hours late.

It all started up again a few weeks before the recent half term. The worst day was a few days before the holidays, when I managed to get him into school but he refused to go in the classroom and sat and cried and screamed in the corridor for an hour. I took him out of school for lunch, he calmed down, and went back in for the afternoon.

We had a similar day yesterday (first day back) and today he just wouldn't go in at all. I didn't push it too hard today as I think he's absolutely exhausted and doesn't need a daily battle (he's been also refusing to do other things - eg refusing to get dressed and go out during half term, and refusing to go to bed which obviously doesn't help exhaustion levels).

He hasn't given any particular reason for not wanting to go in, but he has always struggled socially (doesn't really have friends) and finds playtimes hard. He just says he doesn't like school - hard to get him to say more than that. I do think he finds the whole school experience more challenging and exhausting than a lot of his peers. He chews his clothes when anxious and has been coming home with half-eaten collars and sleeves.

What do you think I can/should do? What do you think the school could do to help? They've been pretty uninterested and unsupportive so far, and have said we need to drag him there, even if he's kicking and screaming. Not only is this impossible, it's not really helping. I don't know where to turn to a) find out what's causing the refusal and b) how best to deal with it.

I'm wondering whether he just needs a week off. I'm also thinking seriously about changing schools (though fear we might just be moving the problem) and also about home ed. And I've been wondering whether it's worth getting an ed psych report. Does anyone know if this is likely to shed any light on the reasons and how to help him?

Going to bump this thread for you.

How is he when he's actually in school? Does he get any support at all?

Thanks ouryve. The school say he's fine when he's there - so I think they don't really understand what the problem is (not that I understand it either, but I do know it's more than me just being a bit rubbish at getting him out of the house in the morning...)

He's well behaved at school and does well academically - though they do recognise that he doesn't interact easily with his peers. He doesn't really get any extra support apart from a half-hour social skills group once a week that doesn't really seem to help much.

My ds is similar to yours, he was refusing school and getting very distressed, school were saying he was happy in school, despite the fact I couldn't get him there and ds was telling me the exact opposite. He was receiving no support in school, doing well academically.

But he was struggling socially and emotionally.

He also tends to describe things in general terms, by saying he just doesn't like something.

When he was observed in school by various professionals, the difficulties he was having where endless. Despite having a high IQ etc, he was struggling with instructions and confused by language which was abstract. He had difficulties working in a pair or in a group and incorporating other peoples ideas, very rigid with his thinking. Struggling with handwriting, PE, playtime on his own, not eating at lunch time etc, etc.

Could you ask for EP to assess him and for someone like ASD Outreach to observe him in school?

We are having similar problems with our ds age 10. He has ASD,dyslexia and dyspraxia. We are having huge trouble getting him into school at the moment. The same as with you school are saying he is absolutely fine when he is there, but he says he is not. I definitely wouldn't drag him there kicking and screaming. If he has asd that will make matters worse. School need to arrange for him to be seen by EP to find out what is causing his refusal.