GP had referred dd2 for assessment (suspected ASD). She's almost 12 how do we broach it with her?

[OodPi]

We've suspected for years but school don't have any problems so weve not gone into this before. We've all got SN background so have a lot of useful strategies to deal with most things at home.

Over the last year quite a few changes at home have impacted on her and its coincided with her friends/peers growing up and away from her.

I'm now concerned that she may struggle without the safety net primary has provided. Secondary are aware of some of the issues but as they don't impact on day-to-day life she isn't going to be getting any extra support.
So xh & I decided to stop circling and get a referral.

Now I'm scared I'm right, scared I'm wrong and how do I explain to her I think this and what if I'm wrong and I've rocked the boat for nothing.

GP should refer you to a developmental paediatrician. I would take notes along to the initial meeting. They could well ask to speak to yourselves first without your DD being present then they will see her afterwards.

Has your DD noticed her peers distancing themselves from her, has she previously commented on this?.

At present she is treated and will be treated by school exactly the same as everyone else as she is not on any SEN radar. I would be prepared for possible ructions at secondary and certainly speak to the SENCO before she arrives there. Your DD needs to be known to this person.

Schools generally do not pick up on children who may have additional needs as the staff there are simply neither trained or skilled enough to spot such children. Also if the child with additional needs is quiet and compliant such children can and do get easily missed and thus ignored in a class of 30 or so. This is perhaps why school have never commented on this. Also ASD if it is present can present very subtly in girls and it can take highly skilled professional paediatricians a long time to see ASD in girls.

I agree with attila, schools and proffs often do not notice Asd in girls. It took a long time for us to find a Proff who took our concerns seriously about Dd3.

What in particular are you worried about? I would begin by talking to your Dd about those things and see what she says. She might be relieved that it is ok to be different, my Dd3 definitely was and still is.

People with Asd can find it hard to recognise their emotions let alone understand and discuss them so be prepared for her to be uncomfortable talking about appointments and stuff.

We tried to do as much as we could without her being present although she did help us out in a waiting room once by lying across the chairs shouting " I dont need to talk to the doctor, there is nothing wrong with me!" Lol, the doctors raised eyebrows were enough for me

Good luck

I can tell you what I did for my son...I told him we had noticed that he was good at X, Y and Z (remembering facts, knowing lots about things that were interesting to him, maths and science in our case) but that he found it harder to talk to people he doesn't know well and have lots of friends. He agreed. That there are a group of people who are similar to him, who are called 'asperger people' (I didn't introduce the concept of a disorder at that point) and that we wondered if he might be an asperger person - then gave him the 'let me tell you about asperger syndrome' book which we looked at together and he agreed that parts of it sounded like him. I told him we could not decide on our own if he was or wasn't 'an aspie', but that we would take him to a type of doctor called a psychiatrist who would see him a few times and then they would decide if he was or wasn't. He was too old and too savvy for me to just take him along to appointments without me explaining what we were investigating, and this seemed to be sufficient for him. Actually getting the diagnosis was a massive relief for him :)

I agree that keeping it simple as per ilikemysleep will be helpful and keep anxiety to a minimum which is crucial.

My dd2 was 8yo in March and still doesn't fell the need ask me why she goes to these appointments(! she just enjoys a trip out of school and packed lunch in the car!!) But when she develops a bit more self awareness, I will be trying to use the approach described above re: Asperger People.

ilike v useful to hear your way thank you.

Everyone else- lots of good points.

3/4 of her teachers at juniors have been aware of her extra needs but all were able to manage/use them so they've not been a problem. The SALT we used to see commented on her language and speech patterns and the old school nurse( who unfortunately has moved on) saw a few 'weird' behaviours.

I have spoken to secondary senco ( used to work with her so hopefully that might make it stick a bit more) and as they didn't remove her from school action on a file somewhere she should be able to keep dd2 on that which should put her on the radar.

She also has some ideas about ASD due to me/xh/dh/xhgf all working in SN which might or might not help.
Interestingly she has made 2 new friends at guides , one who has AS and one who certainly has some tendencies. Dd1 knows about the friend with AS but dd2 seemed surprised when dd1 mentioned it.

We watched the Newsround Special with Rosie talking about her Aspergers. I found it easy to talk about AS at first as DS's cousin was dx with it last year, so it's quite familiar and 'OK'.