please someone tell me a joke so I can stop pissing well crying about meeting with dd's therapists this morning

[Cappucino]

dd has cp, most days you just get on but some days it hits you in the face like a big, I dunno, hitty facey thing

today I had to think about all the bad bits again and I'm having a bit of a racking sobs episode

so please make me laugh

Don't think there's a joke in the world that I can tel you that will make you feel any better cappucino, but if I could I would, I promise.

Wracking sobs are ok for now - so sorry you had to rake over all the bad bits.

XXXX

While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
“Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.”

“When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget her few moments of weakness.

“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”

“Oh that, ” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!”

oh bog off Blu, I don't need sympathy

you'll just start me off again

go on, eff off. come back in a clown costume with a big fuck-off hooter if you want to be supportive

(ta)

Donald Rumsfeld is giving Bush his daily briefing
"yesterday 3 Brazlian soldiers were killed"
"oh my god thats awful" says Bush and breaks down crying

The Pentagon are amazed at his emotional outburst

After a while Bush turns to one of his advisors and says "how many is a Brazilian?"

Oh all right then, Cappuccino - pull yourself together while I find that joke that Beety posted a few days ago - abut the Hokey Cokey - that made me laugh - where's that?

In nineteenth century Oxford, a student was caught by one of the proctors (university officials responsible for discipline) arm in arm with a lady of ill repute. When challenged the student protested, 'She's my sister.'
The proctor objected 'Don't be ridiculous - this woman is a known prostitute!'
The student replied, 'Yes I know sir. Mother's terribly cut up about it.'

allowed myself small giggle at WelshBoris

Here's Beety's joke:
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed this week

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote The Hokey kokey died peacefully at
the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

thank you so much everyone

I have stopped sobbing a bit and now am looking round for things to eat in a mentally unhealthy way

I thank you with one of my favourite things \link{http://www.candyboots.com\weightwatchers recipes from the 1970s} which are very very funny indeed in case you ever find yourself in a similar situation

it's very funny. honest.

it's fun to share the joy [strained emoticon]