DS - ?asd/PDA/attachment? targeting other kids - any experience?

[Surrealistrhinoceros]

DS - nearly 7 - has a diagnosis of attachment difficulties and a bloody great question mark over HFA. His current presentation is very PDA-ish.

Just discovered there is some persistent meanness and unkindness going on with another little boy in his class we are talking name calling, taking crisps etc. DS can also be aggressive and will at times seem to target a particular child for such behaviour. School are good at supervising, pre empting and responding I'm glad to say.

I dont think I am the deluded parent of an indulged brat when I say that I don't think DS has the empathy or social understanding to know what he's doing in full. It's as if he fixates on a particular child who has done him some fancied injustice, or who he just doesn't like, and has no idea what his behaviour is like to them. I'm afraid some of the verbal meanness may also play to the need to be in control, as it makes him feel in charge.

Can this be characteristic of HFA or perhaps more likely PDA? And if so how the hell do I stop it? Very strong words have been had with DS and I will continue to do so, but I have a feeling it may take more than that.

Thanks in advance.

I

Can I ask who gave him that Dx and why?

I'm sorry you're struggling.

DX of attachment difficulties from CAMHS because of emotional immaturity, aggression, volatile outbursts, lack of social skills, all put together with a traumatic start in life (adopted as a toddler from good foster care). lots of sensory issues and despite the horrendous behaviour very vulnerable. We're involved with Camhs and had a year of theraplay.

? Of HFA from team at CAMHS because he scored Over the threshold on an ADOS assessment but in the round they thought he didn't seem ASD. But come back in 18 months.

Does that help? When he behaves like this I wonder whether any of the diagnoses are right and in fact it's just my parenting. However strict or harsh responses are proven to create a downward spiral ... and I do have a DD who is normally as well behaved as the next 4 year old

I was going to ask if he was adopted but though that a bit rude.

IMO, attachment disorder I too quickly given as an explanation for difficulties when the child is adopted.

It's a real and significant disorder but the effects can be vastly reduced with caring parents. ASD is more lifelong (though there is still loads you can do).

Starlight I couldn't agree with you more but I have been told and am waiting my time until he is re assessed.

I think this sort of episode makes me query my gut feeling that ASD/PDA is involved, as I wonder whether the directing of unkind behaviour, however unsubtle/blunt/naive and un-empathetic ally done, would be beyond a child on the spectrum.