Hi, we got a kind of dual diagnosis of Aspergers / HFA (it says both on the official letter, used interchangeably). I have heard they were trying to phase out the term Aspergers, but I personally use it because I think that term is still better known. It's all a bit confusing...! DS knows he has a 'special brain' and it is called Aspergers (he thinks of it as being really good at maths!).
Not sure what your paed means... surely a diagnosis will always be helpful, if he has it?!
DS wasn't a clear cut case either... he is only 6 so some of his traits are still emerging. He does have friends and can be quite confident in some ways... he can also do some imaginative play. But he can't cope with certain noises and situations - and takes things very literally. He can get quite stressed and end up being very disruptive in class - not listening, being impulsive and only doing things on his own terms. I was terrified he'd go through school being labelled as a troublemaker... However, his teachers were very relieved to have a diagnosis and it's really turned things around for him at school.
I think of the diagnosis as an explanation, not a label. Now we know why DS gets stressed, and the teachers can make small adjustments that make him feel more secure.
Has your DS had a SALT assessment yet (speech and language therapist)? In our case there were a lot of initial doubts from the paed, but we pushed for a SALT assessment and this made things much clearer. Based on this report, the paed agreed to let us do the 3di, and that is what she based her diagnosis on.