Help! How to deal with TV obsession?!

[mrsbaffled]

I am struggling to deal with DS1's TV obsession :( He is being assessed for AS/HFA and is nearly 9.
We have very strict rules in our house about when TV / screens are allowed. In the afternoon TV can go on at 5pm until dinner is cooked about 6.15pm. If I didn't do this he would chose to watch TV all day.

I have 2 boys (DS2 is 5), and they both get very upset if they don't get the same amount of 'choices' ie the same amount of programmes and the same times. This is really really difficult to police. Typically DS1 might get first choice one day, then DS2 the next, but as programmes are of different length it's hard to get EXACTLY right. DS2 isn't bothered by a slight difference, but DS1 cannot cope with perceived injustices.

Yesterday, for example, DS1 wanted to play with the kids over the road, so chose to play out for 30 mins, then came in and chose to play on the computer for 20 mins. DS2 was too tired, so chose to watch TV. So BOTH got their choice for those 50 mins....then DS1 wanted TV, so I made DS2 switch over to what his older brother wanted. So DS2 lost out and DS1 got his choice fot the WHOLE from 5pm til dinner.

However, when it came to turn it off for dinner DS1 absolutely lost it as "It's not fair, I only got my choice for 5 minutes..." (actually it was 30 mins) he screamed for about an hour :( I could not get through to him that actually he had his choice for ALL the time from 5pm, though only 30 mins was on the TV, and that actually DS2 lost out as we had to turn over for him.

I am afraid I have banned TV today as the only way I can make it fair is not to let either of them have any TV :( I know it's harsh, but I just don't know what else to do. I warned him I would do this if he carried on complaining about it.

Any suggestions?!?! How is best to deal with obsessions? I can't let him watch whenever he wants as that would be all the time? How do I make this fair?!

They both prefer Netflix to 'live' TV, so it wouldn't be too hard to pick out things to watch, I suppose.

I think I need to draw up a physical timetable. It is so hard to balance everyone's needs. DS1 needs something like that, but I feel it stifles the unexpected things like playing out if someone knocks unexpectedly.

would it help if they could see that it was fair? Some sort of easy to read chart that shows clearly that it's equal? A clock on and clock off system even?

Mine are far better with sheets and charts and pictures and simple written lists than they ever are with words.

They like to be able to look and to check and to double check. and triple check...

then a clock on/off system would work, would it? They are allocated X amount of time, with some flexibility built in to how it is used?

DS isn't good at thinking of things to do in the absence of TV. He LOVES to read and will read for hours at bedtime, but it's like books go into the "bedtime box" in his head, and it woldn't occur to him to read at other times.

Having said that, DH MADE him read this morning, and was actually quite happy about!

Perhaps I should make a sheet with alternating lists of programmes on it, and cross things off when they are watched? That way it can run over into the next day if we do something else.....

yes, and perhaps the facility to book a time slot?