MY son cried at school today when routine was changed...What do i do about it??

[mrsforgetful]

Today ds2 came home from school and out of the blue told me that he was so confused at school today that he actually cried.Now this is the complicated bit- It turned out that his maths group were doing literacy in his numeracy room. But because he is only in yr 2 (but does yr 3 maths) he was neither allowed to join his own year group for yr 2 numeracy or join in with the yr 3 numeracy group who were doing literacy (as he is not up to yr3 level in all subjects - only maths)Complex - but basically the outcome was he was told to do what he wanted on the computer- and though able he does not 'enjoy' p.c's....and anyway he was meant to be doing numeracy in the numeracy room....apparently one of the 3 teachers he has explained cll this to him...but i have yet to see what she made of his crying.....so.......do i just note this in the diary i am keeping- or do i raise it as a concern- so that i can link it to my thoughts on him having AS/ASD ??

Finally- when we talked later...he said the worst bit for him was that if they keep changing everything he will think its playtime/hometime/dinnertime etc at all the wrong times...this is the boy who can memorise all his school lessons/pe/assemblies for the week.....and is also 100% focussed on clocks/time- so if you say its half past 2 when it's 2.28pm...he will correct you...at 2 he knew the difference between blue and turquoise and greeny-blue and bluey-green
...so really it is no shock to me that he cried at school- but on the other hand though i reassured him tonight...I also want the school to either carry on and keep doing this-or agree and make provision etc...however what i cannot stand is to feel he is upset when i could prevent it by doing the 'social story' type thing....ie explain 'what to do if' scenarios...this has worked in the past- but i'm sure to the point that i've helped him'too much' so that he has managed so well that they don't see the 'autie' bits!!!

Oh!!! What Do I Do!!!!

It's like ds1 being on Methyphenidate for ADHD....and i'm sure if i stopped it- the school would WANT him statemented as his Asperger's is always worse if his ADHD is left unmedicated (?which causes what?!) However to remove the med would make things so awful for him shorterm- though longterm he'd probably end up with the resources he needs- yet I cannot do this to him- he was called a DORK last week by a girl- and his 'best friend' told him that it was because of when he trys to be cool he just looks silly. Have got the freaks/geaks book- but ds1 says it isn't about dorks...have said that Luke gives loads of 'alternative words'- but i cannot MAKE him read it- he is only 10 and i think its when he gets to maybe 12 or so that he will be receptive to trying to 'understand'- he is not ready to believe that 'different is cool'- he sees his differences as a nuisence- he will not listen yet.

MrsF, sorry, I can't give you any help because I don't know the territory well enough, but I just wanted to say sorry this happened and I can definitely understand why both you and your DS are upset about it. It sounds as if you should discuss it with the school, make sure they understand how important it is to S, and to warn both you and him if any unavoidable changes will be made. Especially as getting upset is so exposing for him, and will contribute to the other problems he is having with name calling, etc.

MrsF - I think if it were me I would definitely write it down in the diary you've been keeping. I would also add, as accurately as possible, what ds2 actually said about how the change affected him.

It's worth mentioning to the school too, particularly if they saw how upset ds2 was. They might not do anything yet but all these things will hopefully give them a better idea of how ds2 REALLY is.

He sounds like a really bright boy too, doing advanced maths. I can just imagine the scenes though in the Forgetful household with a little voice protesting "But it's NOT greeny-blue. It's BLUEY-GREEN!"

Sorry you've been having such a bad week so far. I hope it gets better soon.

teacher got quite deffensive with me- and only when i said that i felt it only courteous to let he know that i would be explaining this incident twhen we have our 'family assessment' in feb- did she say as much as 'it has been noted here too'- i then said that i cannot help but see this is an example of his autism- she said they will do their best to warn him of any changes in future- i have stopped myself seeing this as her 'admission' that he is 'demonstrating' his ?autism?- however i think i noticed a difference in her- she was very 'guarded' and careful what she was saying- whereas before she was saying things like- @he's really not that bad' or 'naughty' or noisy' etc.....this time she kept saying 'he was fine once we had explained ' etc....but agreeing that he 'found the change to routine upsetting' I even said at one point- "did all the other kids cry" This was after she tried to say that this change 'effected all the class- not just him"

NOW FOR THE BIG QUESTION??!!

With reguard to me only knowing about this incident because ds2 is so verbal and feels comfy sharing his thoughts with me.... what would happen if he was less able to explain.... would i have never known....would the teacher have told me....the reason i say this is after thinking asbout this i realised that the ONLY time i get told ANYTHING is when it affects someone else....but every time it's just him- i don't get told

Now my point here is that i have made it clear that i believe he is autistic ( prob AS) so they KNOW i am aware of the difficulties he is likely to have- yet when something like this happens they do not tell me- however if for example i were to show concern cos my son seemed deaf/blind or had a limp(not meaning to trivialse here...hope people see my point) then the moment he 'wasn't listening' or 'was unable to read the blackboard' or was unable to stand up....then they would be bound to tell me. Yet THEY obviously cannot see how major this is to him.

Also i was at an autism outreach meeting yesterday and found out that i can request they visit the school (for ds1 really) and do a whole class presentation to explain aspergers...without ds1 being named- i am going to find out more- but this should help with the dork thing! Love him....today (ah bless!!) he came out of school wearing his wooly hat like a gnome- he hadn't turned the band back so he had this 9"mountain on the top of his head- usually he pulls it down too far so he looks swamped- i will have to stich the rim back....but this just reminds me ( again) how he unknowingly leaves him self open for critism of his 'style/coolness'- and that it is our resonsibility to provide him with the clothes and the hair cuts to reduce the ridicule- untill he is like Luke Jackson...ie old enough to be proud of his difference.
It's amazing really that when you are an adult it' 'good to be different' and people smile fondly when they see 'eccentric' people - yet unless you support Man Utd,can ride a bike and have the latest nike trainers...then you are never 'cool' enough!

Would you be able to persuade the school to start one of those home/school books that some of the other MN'ers have? I don't know much about them myself as ds is too young for school, but I mean those books where the teacher writes down the good & bad things about your child's day and then you write down the things that YOU think are relevant eg "Ds only slept for x hours last night and has already had a meltdown about....."

I don't know if anyone can request one or not. Hopefully others will know more.

I requested one before xmas- and it was in use - simple smiley faces to reward him- however teacher reckoned no need to continue- and i only got it on a friday- i was suspicious that she was filling it in once a week - insted of day by day- so feel the only way i can find out truthfully is to ask ds2! (ridiculous that i feel so mistrustful of the 'system'!)
After this descicion to abandon the record book- I decided to stop asking the teacher for feedback- and equally I reduced my 'after school behaviour management' discussions with ds2...previously i would use 'social stories' to reduce his anxiety about playtimes,assemblies etc....so that at school he was of course managing very well- now i still do this to some degree as i don't want him to suffer at school- however i want the school to see how he is without the 'strategies ' i use at home....hope you know what i mean.

Also because i have the family assesment in feb i feel o.k- but if we have that and nothing comes of it ref to looking further into his being autistic - then that is when i will struggle again.

How could she say he didn't need it anymore??? It sounds suspiciously like she just couldn't be bothered to fill it in. What was the point in only giving you it once a week?? If something had happened on a Monday then you wouldn't know about it for another 4-5 days! Sorry, MrsF, but I'm angry on your behalf. Grrrrr!
I do so hope you get the result you want from your appointment next month.God knows you've been waiting long enough.