waiting for diagnosis and not managing behaviour

[babylily]

Hi, dd2 who is 6 is in the camhs process, having been referred by school and us as failing to progress emotionally and develomentally. She was identified by school as needing extra support in p1 and ed psych and speech therapist both indicated to us that they suspected an Asd... (but only after I asked if they thought that was her difficulty with learning, and then both produced pre prepared handouts on the topic and told me how relieved they were that I had asked the question...
So...after a while we actually thimk we arwe relieved, it is not us after all, the last 6 years of failing to toilet train, lack of empathy, inability to understand instructions, no growth emotionally or intellectually, no sense of danger...daily traumas and screaming, frightening things that happen that could harm others...

But, at our last camhs appointment after dd doing her second iq test(which we ar yet to have full results from but indicate well above average and well below average in varying areas) her psychologist told us that on paper and from all the other professionals reports she is absolutely going to have an asd diagnosis, but personally on meeting her at appointments she is articulate, and a normal interactive 6 year old girl albeit without any imagination or empathy...so ultimately the consultant psychiatrist will decide without seeing her.

So it could after all be us failing her as parents? her sometimes frightening violent behaviour, her inability to understand instruction beyond her own intention, her distance from her peers. ?.she is 3 rather than 6 socially. ?.
What happens if they do decide that we are wrong after all? she is lovely lovely little girl, more 3 than 6, very caring towArds baby brother. we adore her for being unique, unaffected, our baby girl.

I dont expect changes from diagnosis, I just want expectations to adjusted accordingly...like there is a bloody reason she can't understand the 4 step instruction dances for ballet, and it isnt her fault she can't change her mind mid action,, or learn to read or remember to go for a wee.
Massive apologies for shit tablet and emotionally affected typing.

Bump, please.
I keep hearing fromMy parents who think we are just failing to manage a little girl who didn't speak til 3 years oldand only then, using a now and next board.
Her peers can recite poems, play imaginatively, engage with others. Follow instruction like do not open the stair gate in front of the baby.
I am a teacher and I do not have a clue how to handle it
Please , both her deteriorating ability and my inadequacy in knowing what to do is just so overwhelming

Your psych says that on paper in all the reports your dd will absolutely get an asd diagnosis and also Says that your dd presents as " a normal interactive 6 year old girl albeit without any imagination or empathy". Isnt your psych saying that although your daughter's issues are not immediately evident, normal 6 year old girls have imaginations and empathy, your dd does not, therefore she does have a difficulty and on paper her problems are clear.

"a normal interactive 6 year old girl albeit without any imagination or empathy"

Yeah, like my dd was a perfectly normal 8yo girl except that she wasn't actually able to walk. And the paed told us that she must not be allowed to use a wheelchair "as that will make her think of herself as disabled". Like disability doesn't make any difference as long as you don't speak the D word.