It's Monday, Down the school with WET HAIR,wrote the dinner money cheque out in class &and I have sent all 3 to school thinking i hate them.....HOW MUCH WORSE CAN IT GET???

[mrsforgetful]

I've just sat here and typed an essay- realised it is all over the place- that's how i feel at the moment- so have spared you all the details....just feel low and fed up of trying so hard .
Just how early should i have to get my 3 up each day in order for me to devote 1 by 1 devote 100% attention (dressing/eating etc...let alone intervening in their many morning arguements) so that by 8.30 we can be simply getting coats and bags on etc????

Add to this the fact that as each day goes by I am more certain that DS2 and I also have AS- and I CANNOT CONCENTRATE on everyone's needs AND myself.

We are being assessed in a 90 minute appointment in FEBRUARY by the 'Child and family therapy team' and i am hoping that someone there will be able to help- as yet again on 2 days last week ds3 'simply' had a cough/cold- and i 'used' this as an excuse to keep him home so that a) i didn't have to rush and get ready myself b) i didn't have to 'persuade' him to get dreassed/eat c) I could send the older 2 alone to school d)meaning i did not have to face the 'normal' world outside and e)I did not have to go down the school at 3pm to fetch them all home....the older 2 came home alone.......BUT guilt.... a) ds2 cannot deal with this different routine- hates going to school/coming home with his brother b)feel unsure that they are safe going alone (traffic etc) c)feel i am not dealing with my own difficulties the right way - am just pushing them onto my boys

Part of me wonders if there is such thing as some kind of support worker who could arrive at 7.30 and help me get organised-yet part of me finds it hard to accept any help??? Does anything like this exist??? (i am not financially able to employ a nanny!)

Sorry, no advice, but lots of sympathy. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are not superhuman, and it sounds as if you are doing better than most people would with the amount you are coping with. I hope you find a way to ease your responsibilities a bit soon.

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Oh, MrsF. Lots and lots of sympathy. I think even 3 NT boys would be difficult to organise first thing in the morning.

I don't know if there are any universities, colleges etc near you but maybe (as Twiglett suggested) you might find someone there who could help in the morning. Maybe someone who wants to work with children anyway and needs some experience for their CV perhaps?

For now, sit down with a huuuuuuge cup of coffee/tea and have 5 or 10 minutes to yourself. Your next mission (if you choose to accept it ) is to do whatever it is that helps you to unwind, for at least half an hour (though I wouldn't recommend my ds1's favoured method of hiding in a cupboard - unless you have particularly comfortable ones anyway. ).

Oooer! Just re-read that bit about half an hour of doing whatever helps you unwind. I didn't mean anything smutty!!

I get stressed out just to get ds ready for playgroup (and dd in the pram)(o, and yes i thought to brush my wet hair before going when i realised my hair brush is still in the car where i had left it on friday)
not able to give much advise but "comforting" to read others are struggling
let's have this cup of tea!!!

msforgetful
leave all the housework and drudge and have a
"pampering day"
you deserve it

Note to MrsF: If you go for the face-pack & cucumber-slices-on- the-eyes option while looking on Mumsnet, remember to cut some holes in the cucumber or you won;t be able to see too well.

I really feel for you Mrs Forgetful - I get frantic and harrassed just taking ds and dd to nursery 2 mornings a week, so I take my hat off to you getting 3 boys out the door every day. I thinktwiglett's idea is great - if you can't find a student, does someone near you have an au pair that perhaps doesn't start working for thier family until later in the day and would like to earn a little extra in the early morning? You could try www.greataupair.com (sorry, my links never work) and se if there's anyone near you who might help out. Hope you're feeling better soon. {{{{{ {}}}}}}}}}

MrsForgetful - agree with what others have said - get some relaxing time for yourself. However, I would also recommend getting as much as possible ready fot the next day the previous evening, the days when I don't do this are always a nightmare, usually ending up with me shouting and yelling at the kids, or trying to dry my hair while testing spellings in the morning (doesn't often work ). I try and get shoes cleaned, coats, gloves, bookbags, swim bags & money, authorisation slips, trip money etc. ready and lined up by the door the night before. I make sure that they have got their clothes ot - have to be reminded though. I make sandwiches in the morning but everything else for the lunch box is out and ready the night before - I sometimes even go as far as putting my tea bag in a mug - just to save a fraction of a second in the morning. I try and be up and get myself ready before the kids wake up (again this doesn't always work), they are not allowed to play, have the TV on or read until they are both completely ready, that is dressed, had their breakfast, hair brushed and dd's hair tied, plaited or whatever and their teeth cleaned.
This may all sound patronising or simple but that lost glove is so much easier to find the night before than when they were supposed to have been out the door two-minues ago....

One solution is to put them to bed in their school uniforms !! I haven't quite resorted to this, but do agree with Jaybee that doing things the night before in peace helps with the morning chaos. I make a week's supply of sandwiches on Sunday night and freeze them (with a little glow of smug satisfaction..) Satisifies my control freak side anyway!
Our morning routine has to be ever so rigid, but so often one little thing goes wrong and we have a blowout. Know exactly what you mean about leaving them thinking that they think you hate them, but the nice thing is they probably forget it instantly with other things going on, and will come out of school as delighted to see you as ever

All of you- Thanks!
Was i supposed to cry whilst i read all this??? Still- It had to come out....and i usually cry whilst still at school -so it was better in private!
JAYBEE- you are not patronising at all and you are soo right- when i do get everything ready the noight before- it is so much easier- just cannot even get that right at the moment.! I have been seeing a psychologist and we reckon alot of my probs stem from me needing to do EVERYTHING perfect- or looking for the 'beat possible solution' at all times- so i frequently end up doing nothing etc- in the evenings i will sometimes manage to prepare for the day ahead- but then i will get 'distracted' into 'doing something better/perfect' and that is the end of preparation!
This makes me frustrated- as despite being driven by this need for perfection- the house is a tip and all i can think about coming back from school is MUMSNET!!!

A great example of this 'need' to get things right/obsessing etc is that our eldest Asperger's son has never forgived me for sending back to a shop a robot which we thought was naff but he loved -from years ago- so i finally found an identical one from america - and thought once i bought an adapter to change it fro us to uk power all would be fine- so the robot arrived (RAD is his name) and he arrived with afully charged batter so ds1 had a couple of hours fun- then it died- so we put the battery on charge and I only managed to maintain the charge if i held it all at a certain angle...impossible to do for the 4 hours it took- so bought another adapter- no different- so since xmas have spent every night searching the internet for a uk version of the charger- a few places have it on their database- but none in stock. Now...... the pointto me telling all this is to demonstrate what i feel to be MY obsessive drive to 'solve' whatever is a 'problem'.
This effects me in all i do- and reminds me totally of ds1's Asperger's 'interests'- the persistance is never ending whatever he or i do- and it is exhausting

JMB-the frozen sandwhiches sound a good idea...do the kids notice the difference- my youngest will pick of bits of the bread that he says are 'crumbly'....and he's supposedly the NT one....yet even he is 'worrying me ' now...as he keeps hiding in 'tight spaces' (coppertop...ds1 in cupboards made me smile!) and is SO reluctant to wear clothes. (and at almost five still insists on lying in his baby car seat...you know the ones taht you carry round with a newborn- he has a favourite place to put his hand where he 'twiddles' the label- he also has nappies at night and dummies in the house-has not drunk anything but orange squash/cola since the day i finally stopped his bottles at 4yrs- and to cap it all the other day we were out in the car and he remembered a route we had not taken for at least a year- then we tried to fox him by coming home a different way- but joined the same route at some point- and HE knew where we were.

Other mums may have this too- with NT kids- and i'd love to know that ----however it's hard when you feel you are AS and one son is dx with AS and the second son is undiagnosed- but VERY AS and the 3rd then starts doing these things- which most people would never notice.

Sorry to ramble on but hope this shows what a 'jumbled' mess my brain is at the moment

p.s COPPERTOP....do i remove the cucumber before i go down the school ?

Mrsforgetful - it sounds to me as if you have made a big start to sorting yourself out. You can see your own problems and you are admitting that you are having them - it may be that you are worrying for nothing but, at the moment you are worrying yourself to distraction. from reading your first post it sounds, to me, as if you are struggling to cope and this, I feel, may be down to depression rather than your obsessive tendencies - you need assurances that you can cope - you sound a great mum but one that is going through a bad time.

msforgetful
your words ring true
life is neverending
I often feel like you do, I have even thought of respite at times when I feel that I have no energy left but i just storm out the house and walk round the block, have a little think and then go home and start again with my batteries recharged.
I try to have "me" time as that is the only thing that keeps me sane.Even if it is just a long soak in the tub or just catching half an hour experimenting with nail varnish or make-up.
Hope things get beter.

MrsF - I know of at least one poor woman who has left the house in a hurry, driven halfway to the school, and then realised they are still wearing a green face-pack.

On a completely different subject, dh is an expert on batteries and battery-chargers so could probably help you find the one you need. E-mail me the details and I'll get him on the case. (Not literally - just in case you have visions of him balancing on a suitcase!!).

Hey, you're doing better than me! DS2 is nearly 3months and even with DS1 being 15 years old and helpful, I can't get organised in the morning. Don't be hard on yourself!

well thanks coppertop! In true mrsforgetful style i have given this charger business more thought....and searched for NIKKO rc cars....and may have found what i need!!! (the charger we have is Nikko and some of the cars use the same batteries.....so..... fingers crossed)
However I may well need his help.....it's amazing how useful our little treasures can be....yet still drive us mad!!!

MrsF much sympathy to you. Sometimes I feel like the mother from hell and I've only got 2 to deal with. If they mess about too much in the morning I threaten them with no sweet shop money. It's only 20 pence but matters to them.
Another thought - have you any family support from social services eg family support workers? I work for social services and my team provides support to families on a short term basis for exactly the sort of situation your in. It may be different where you live but worth a thought!!
Hang in there
((((((((((((hug)))))))))

not sure what to say to help, but lots of ((((((hugs)))))

Mrs F, you poor thing. I really feel for you. My children are NT and I spend the last 20 minutes or so before we leave the house nagging (at best) shouting (at worst) and feel exhausted before I have even begun my day. I can't begin to imagine how much worse it is for you.

Your boys are so lucky to have you. Really. I can relate to the RAD story totally, we have a dead one here that my ds is still in mourning for, again the charger woudn't work after the first go. Unlike you I have given up, but that makes me a worse mother, not a better one!

xxx

thanks mumski- i will be seeing my mental heath social worker friday- i will ask her- not sure if it's the same as the 'council' social workers team but will ask

I don't know what to say either but couldn't ignore this - can only really send you a virtual hug so here you are hon' {{{{{{{}}}}}}}
Thomcat xxx

Getting kids out of the house in the morning is a nightmare isn't it? I'm fortunate in that dh does the school runs, so i don't have to get ready, or get ds2 organised (who is almost 3 with cp), except on Tuesday and friday mornings for his sn playgroup. My other 3 are nearly 12,7 and 5, so they get themselves dressed, teeth brushed, hair done etc by themselves, then I just check them over. But mornings are still fraught with arguments over who has more cereal, who is looking at who , a has taken b's place for breakfast etc. I'm too disorganised to do sandwiches in the evening too, and too tired usually, so while they are eating their breakfast I do them then. I do make sure their uniforms are ready the night before though. I wake them up about 7.45 to be out of the house by 8.35, and we usually make it by the skin of our teeth.

If ds2 is going to playgroup, then dh drives the other 3 to school, and ds2 finishes his breakfast while I get ready, then he is sorted , and we leave the house by 9.15. It's always a huge rush though. I hate it .

i'm dreading the day dd1 foes to school in the mornings. i'm awful at getting up in the mornings especially in the winter (the floors too cold!!!) and always try to grab a few extra minutes in bed. to get 3kids ready, oh my, what have i let in for with just 2 kids.

and for going out with wet hair, who cares, it rains most days anyway!!

i remember getting up at around 7.30ish with my brother and sister when we went to school. all waiting for the bathroom, the rows, then brekkie, bags coats etc sorted and off to walk to school around 8.45am. and yes once i was so sleepy and mum wasnt with it i ended up going to school with my nightie under my uniform oops!!