OK, I don't know why we've not come across this problem before but we haven't. So need some advice from you wiser and more experienced peeps...
I've just received an email from the wife of a university friend. They have two daughters somewhat older than ours (8 and 6, I think, both NT) and we sadly lost touch around the time their kids were born - sent cards and stuff but that's it. I'm not sure if they are aware of DD1's difficulties. They have got in email contact out of the blue and invited us to a Saturday afternoon/evening barbecue with some mutual friends, both with and without kids.
We've been to a couple of socials with DD1 in tow, but always things like kids birthday parties which are only for a couple of hours and one of us has to go and "mark" DD1 for the duration. One of her problems is a metabolic disorder that means most food is poisonous and as she has approx 0 comprehension/co-operation you just have to spend all your time following her round and preventing her from putting things in her mouth - or, indeed, doing anything else that is dangerous (like licking the radiators - or, in this case, the barbecue). We've never tried to do anything for this long or where food is the main point of the occasion. Nor something where presumably the point is for the kiddies to run amok unsupervised in the garden while the adults sit round a table and eat and drink - DH (it's usually DH following DD1 around) would stick out like a sore thumb and I think would feel very awkward - I'm sure we'll feel everyone is staring at DD1 anyway but this precise scenario is going to be worse, I think. And it's bound to be more awkward because we'll spend a lot of time explaining to people what DD1's conditions are, and asking them to keep food out of her way, and stopping her from chewing their furniture etc. etc. - so I can't help thinking, will we be making the whole thing awkward for everyone else as well as us and end up spoiling their event?
However... there will be people there that I haven't seen for years, and do miss. And we aren't doing anything else that day. And I don't know if refusing invites because of DD1 isn't the start of a slippery slope that sees us eventually never leaving the house.
So - what do we do? I had thought of raising it with the lady who invited us - but that's not a runner really because the only thing she can say is "oh yes, please do bring her it will all be fine" - you can't say "no, don't bring your disabled child, it would be too much hassle for everyone" can you? Especially as I don't know her so very well so it's harder for her to be absolutely frank - and she and her husband are quite serious Christians so under a stronger than usual obligation to suffer little children, iyswim.
Oh I dunno. In knots over this one.
Thoughts?