Just 7 yr old boy behavior or something worse?

[bunclody]

Hi I have a 7 yr old boy who is just breaking my heart. He is beautiful, charming, clever, articulate - his teacher said he is the one she want want to have a conversation with as he has so much to say on a subject and thinks outside the box (whatever that means!). He is also a bit awkward, stubborn (writes 1 line of words in a 40 minute lesson because he doesn't like the subject), doesn't always realize his social boundaries, lets other kids get him in trouble (pulled down a girls knickers for a dare or they wont be his friends!)...that was a nightmare! I met someone who had a child with aspergers and there seemed some similarities. I contacted the community nurse who visited the school but it was dismissed as his teacher said he was fine, just boisterous. He is not good when tired, hot or hungry but then what child is...right? I am just so tired of being called into class because he has kicked someone (older boys), or said a bad word (again heard from the older boys) he is told to be in goal when he wants to kick the ball (bullying?), plays hide and seek but no one looks for him. He is seeing a special teacher to help with his social skills but too many kids know how to push his buttons. Am I missing something or is this just 7 yr olds for you? He rarely get invited to parties or play dates and has probably 1 true friend. He has a high achieving 11 yr old sister, we live in the country, have a dog, happily married, eat healthy. He plays rugby, guitar has 121 swimming as didn't get one in group sessions and goes to beavers. We don't have a big family so no cousins and most close friends all have girls. I just worry that if I miss something now when he is a 6'5 teenager we could be dealing with a whole heap of trouble. All comments most welcome and thank you in anticipation.

I'm not an expert and have only just started the path to diagnosis for DS1 but I would make a list of the things that concern you and go to see your GP.

I had concerns over DS1 and made a list of concerns and examples that highlighted the concerns and he is now being assessed for dyspraxia. My GP was really understanding and said that the list really helped as she sees lots of parents who have googled something and listed the symptoms as being ones their child has without substance (!) or forget half of what they wanted to say. GP also felt that it helped her understand the wide variety of concerns rather than them just being focussed on his literacy or coordination etc.

It was only when I made my list (and there were so many things on there) that I realised DS was not 'typical' for a 6 year old. Trust your gut instinct.

Good luck x

i agree with making a list and then keeping a diary to record things that happen which your gut tells you are not quite right. My ds has a diagnosis of aspergers traits and some of the things on your list fit with him (he is nearly 7) but then I spend a lot of time wondering how much of his behaviour is 'normal' for his age as I only have his sister to compare him with.

How is his handwriting?
My nephew is intelligent, articulate and the teachers love him - an out if the box thinker. He has dyspraxia as does my DS ( my DS is nowhere near as articulate - but abit of an out of the box thinker) both would resist writing - would have preferred everyone thought they were difficult or naughty than admit how difficult they found writing. It is not only the act of writing but the planning and ordering of there ideas......
Dyspraxics also struggle with social skills and my nephew in particular was very vulnerable for being persuaded to do things that were "wrong" to fit in.
How did you son find learning to swim? Freestyle in particular is hard for dyspraxics in my experience .... It's not that they can't learn, it just takes them longer.

All of what you've mentioned is completely normal as a one-off or something that happens occasionally. But when all or most of the things on the list happen regularly, then tbh I think you're right to worry.

I too think you should start to keep a diary, noting any behaviour that concerns you, keep it for a month or so, you don't need to tell anyone or discuss it with anyone if you don't want to. Just write everything down for four weeks, then at the end of that, have a look at your diary. How does it make you feel, what sort of patterns do you see, do you feel in your gut it's 'normal' (obvs, whatever that is ), if a stranger showed you it would you feel concerned.

Then I think you make an appointment with your GP either way - but in one situation you're looking for reassurance, in the other you're looking for more investigation, iyswim.

If you're new on this board - we try very hard not to diagnose over the internet! But I have a friend with a 6 yo who sounds very similar, he was assessed for ADHD, they didn't confirm either way iirc but the friend has started using a book called '123 Magic' with her DS and says it has transformed him. Might be worth a look?

His handwriting is atrocious he would do anything to avoid writing but likes lego and typing on a key board and playing his guitar. He used to swim like a brick but after a year of 121 he is finally looking like a swimmer. He is water confident but no stroke finesse he would sooner swim under water.

I will definitely start a diary I'm just undecided about my gut feeling which isn't like me. I know wherever we go and a child cry's out hurt I automatically think where is he in relation to that child. He is not always at fault by the way.

He has been tested for diabetes (he drinks constantly) and as I said he has been looked at for aspergers but apparently has neither. He is definitely better when exercised and fed. Most adults love him as he is so bright and has a great sense of humor (he is genuinely funny) people have said that boy belongs on a stage its just his peer group we are struggling with.

I would be reading what you can on dyspraxia - i take ds to a childrens therapy center in london called hopscotch, they have some info on their website, plus the dyspraxia foundation has great info on their website.
The best book i have read , for explaining it simply and succinctly, and why things are difficult for dyspraxics is called "making inclusion work for children with dyspraxia" by lois addy and gill dixon. Gill dixon also has a website. My husband read the first part of this book and said everyone who has anything to do DS should read it, its simple , approachable, concise and easy to understand. Unfortunately the book is expensive.....

I agree with reading around various things. You can pick up tips and things which will make life easier. If your DS is dyspraxic, some of the anger etc can come from frustration.

Little changes can make a big difference. DS sometimes used to complain that he couldn't take his jumper off at the end of the day and I used to get frustrated with him. I know now that his coordination is the first thing to go when he is tired! We are still very early on in our path to diagnosis but having made some msall changes to the way we 'manage' DS has reallty improved his attitude (even his teacher was impresssed last night at parents evening

DS goes to a little stage school locally which has done wonders for his confidence. May be worth a try?

Polter - think I will have to get that book as we still struggle with DS temper when he gets frustrated. Thanks for the tip.