It's so fucking hard. I am not coping.

[Julezboo]

DS2 is 6. (Just) No official diagnosis but has Sensory issues (lots) ADHD ( Consultant is certain of this) But is also showing symptoms and signs (?) of Aspergers.

He is on Melatonin. 2mg. Started off on 1mg. Bed times where horrendous but with this he does settle farily easily now after the PJ, teeth, wash battle. Problem we have it he often wakes between 4 and 5am and is waking the whole house us with his shouting. I dont know how to get him to stop. I am exhausted. DH is exhausted, my poor ten year old who shares a room with him is exhausted and cranky (Also has DCD and ADD)

Today for example. I heard him get up to go the toilet at around 4:45am, he got back into bed and I sighed relief. 5 minutes later he was shouting my ten year olds name over and over and getting louder each time. This woke my 2 year old up! So I have been up for the day since 5am.

Between 5am and 9am we have had a battle with him over EVERYTHING, getting dressed, he punched me in a fit of rage over and over :( Putting shoes on, brushing teeth, coat on, getting in the car, getting out the car.

Once he was in school I promptly burst into tears. I cant take it anymore. its every sodding day. And it will all start again at 3 pm when I pick him up from school, he wont keep his coat on, doesnt like it, he has had many coats but just doesn't like it. BUT doesn't like being cold either.

Wouldn't sleep on his bed one night last week cos his older brother was lay on it and farted. Barely eats anything because of smell, touch, how it looks, so its chicken nuggets, cereal bars and apples. I know it could be worse.

On top of that my 2 year old seems to be copying everything my 6 year old does! As well as being partially deaf and still has very few words in his vocabulary.

DS2 has just been poorly for the last week or so and as a result has to go and have blood tests on Wed as well as a heart scan (routine to check on heart murmur that was found at last appt) I am dreading it. The cold jelly will send him into meltdown. the doctor touching him will end in meltdown.

I am about to lose the plot. I cant cope, ,though I know I have to. But what else can I do?

DS1 will be moving into his own room in the next few weeks (need to get money together to get him a bed as they are in bunkbeds now) But then I forsee a huge problem with DS2 having to sleep on his own. I want to sort him a little corner in hs room with lights and somewhere that is HIS. Do you think this will help him?

How do I tackle the sensory issues? School are dragging their feet and thats holding up diagnosis.

But its ruining our family, we are all snippy at each other :( And although I love DS2 I really dont like him very much at the moment. I hate myself for feeling that way. He's just such hard work :(

It's also suddenly hit me recently that this ^ is gonna be forever and hes just going to be bigger and stronger so them punches will hurt more one day :(

I can't help u, but only sympathise, my 3.5 yo is being assessed for possible aspergers/adhd and has sensory issues also, he also is a a night owl and thinks it is perfectly acceptable to wake his sisters up and play bowling on the Nintendo wii at 4 am and screech at the top of his voice stttttrrrriiikkkkkeee!!! You are not alone and man do I feel your pain :( I send u hugs and sleep dust for these testing dc's!! I hope someone will be along with some practical advice for u xxx

Thank you. Im sitting on the sofa willing myt 2 year old to nap so I can too. Its horrible. I want to be a fun mummy not a shouting sad one :(

Hi bless you, has his behaviour been a bit worse while has been poorly? My little man has been poorly this weekend and weirdly he has been quite happy but FULL ON, bordering on hyper. I really sympathise with you about the shouting, my son is loud, it's mostly echolalia. I am not too bad with it, I can tune out, but my dh is very sensitive to noise so this makes it very stressful as it causes a lot of friction between us about how to deal with it. Are you home in the day? Can you find a way to switch off for a bi

No he was quite poorly he just laid on the couch until sat, then he was back to his normal self.

I am home all day, SAHM, but I have a 2 year who doesnt seem to like napping. Though MIL is taking him tomorrow morning for the day and I have easter bonnets to make. I also just started Jogging so looking forward to doing that when DH is home and boys are all in bed.

Hi jogging is fa. I started running early last year when my son's issues were major and I was very stressed. It helped me hugely. I have done none since September for various different reasons and I can feel the difference. It's fab and I should practice what I preach and start again!

Fab that should read!

Know how u feel I'm a shouting mummy too, I have a 5 yo dd and a 7 month dd but my ds definitely takes up all the time, I do nap when the baby does too and actually got called by the school at half 3 one day as I was so tired because of Dc I fell asleep in the afternoon and didn't wake up!! With regards to sleep and sensory issues, ds is awaiting appointment with OT and I am led to believe that they can help? Xxx

Re school, I would be applying for a statement from your LEA asap. You do not need either school's permission or a dx to apply for such a document.

www.ipsea.org.uk is a useful website re the whole statementing process.

I feel for you...

I'm in a similar position with dinky (5). She fights over every little thing. The bedtime routine and the morning routine. This morning she tried to attack a boy on the bus because they were playing a game which got out of hand and she thought the boy was laughing at her, when he was just laughing and she doesn't/couldn't understand the difference, because I was holding her, she lashed out at me instead . Again all I know is she is just going to get bigger and hurt more.

She is going to the paed to be assessed for PDA.

The space for him and lights sounds great, and might help...
I am going to be turning a rather large (1.5m2) cupboard/room into a sensory room for dinky. Lights, bubble lamps, touchy feely toys and a small space for her to hide under when she wants to do her run and hide thing.

I hope all goes well with the hospital appointments... And I hope you get some much needed rest time when your MIL looks after lil one.

Definitely know where you're coming from on this.

DS2 is 6yo with ADHD/AS/sensory problems. The only way we have been able to get him to sleep is by giving him liquid melatonin and then have added time release capsules (powder sprinkled into food) of melatonin, all prescribed by paediatrician. We've had to recently up the dosage, as he still isn't sleeping through the night - was up at 4am for the day today and is still waking during the night. Even with a fairly good dose of meds, he's still been waking up in the middle of night and very early morning for the day.

At this point, for us it's all about damage limitation. Safety gate on his bedroom door - which he can open, but sometimes just doesn't as it's been on there so long. And we've managed to get him (mostly) to come into our room when he gets up and leaves his room. At 6yo, obviously it's okay for him to come in our bed and have an early morning cuddle and chat with Mummy and Daddy. Not really something we want him doing at 16yo. So obviously other patterns will need to be set as time goes on.

The sleep deprivation is awful. I'm trying to carve out small naps when I can, but I just need to go to bed earlier. I'm loathe to do so sometimes, as the evening is the only time I get where he and his 3yo brother are not bombarding me to some degree.

As far as school is concerned, you might want to consider prompting them in writing. That always seems to get the ball rolling - they don't like paper trails.

Hi julez and welcome to the board. When my Dd3 was being assessed for Asd one of the best bits of advice I was given was to treat her as if she did have it. We put in to place some strategies like visual timetables and a red and yellow card for behaviour.

By introducing some strategies you cannot do any harm and you might make your life less stressful.

Also keep a diary of any isssues/behaviours that seem unsual to you, what causes them if you know and how you dealt with them.

The sensory space in his room sounds like a great idea.

Try to be kind to yourself and keep coming on here for support.

Good luck

Julezboo; I'd second a lot of the advice above.

• take time out for yourself...ESSENTIAL...take up the jogging, as every problem seems smaller when you get back home. Just do it.

-treat him as if he has a confirmed diagnosis of ASD. Read up on the strategies (visual timetable, social stories, dealing with sensory issues) and use them

• apply to the school for a statement

I've been where you are now with a 6yo DS who couldnt get to sleep, when he did he slept very deeply, sleep waking with night terrors and then waking at 6am waking everyone else with him.

People offered all sorts of advice, and I found I tried everything until I found what worked for him.

My DS needs exercise early in the day (will be hyper at bedtime if he has evening exercise). Then a loooooong run in to wind down upstairs, including no screens for at least an hour before sleep. In fact, any day with lots of screentime ends up with a bad nights sleep.

Very rigid bedtime routine which we stick to every night.

Early morning waking is worse in summer, better in winter. Havent been able to change that but DS is learning that he cant wake every one else at that hour, so will try to read quietly.

Finally, a big life changer for me was recognising that a lot of my DS's 'naughty' behaviour was coming from his stress and anxiety as he doesnt get routines or rules unless they are very very clearly set out for him.

Hope some of that helps.

Thank you all. I dont have space for a trampoline, its been reccomended before. He has a samsung MP3 player (bit like a smart phone without the phone part!) That calms him. And Reading does. We already have a strict routine and I just ordered a Gro Sleep Clock trainer thing off amazon to try and help with early mornings.

I will look out for them books, thank you :) x

I really feel for you sleep deprivation is your worst enemy but you have had some great advice.

I'm going through my own issues with my ds at the moment but hopefully I can be some help to you.

Firstly try and apply the saying "choose your battle win the war". If he doesn't want to wear his coat then so be it, if he gets cold give him a cuddle and wrap his coat around him blanket style.

Coping mechanisms work for my son - one instruction at a time e.g. brush your teeth - instead of - make sure you brush your teeth and use toothpaste this time and don't spit out in the bath and hurry up its bedtime!!! If he does spit in the bath then big sigh and smile at least the teeth are brushed!

I lay his school uniform out but give him the choice of pants and socks - maybe try "well yesterday you were cold because you didn't wear your coat shall we wear a vest today?" If poss buy some undies with his favorite character on my ds couldn't wait to put his star wars pant on.

Maybe try some messy play (sorry) with brightly coloured jelly that might help with the hospital appointment. Also have a distraction in place maybe a book he hasn't seen before or a treat wrapped up in layers of paper so after each hospital step another layer can be unwrapped.

You could also try a small exercise trampoline if space is an issue. My ds is so much better when exercised even an evening walk with a torch looking for a white stone gets the brain and body working. Finally I have found science putty which is like brightly coloured blue tack but it stretches and tears and makes shapes this keeps him busy in anxious or boring situations. Just dont eat it!

Best of luck x

Bibic were quite helpful for us re sensory issues since our local authority/health trust basically just said they don't 'do' sensory stuff as it requires specialist training