MRI and explaining it to ....

[bizzey]

......Nana !!!...Ds3 is due to have a MRI in due course ..which he is happy/ok/excited(?) about as he is going to have picture of his brain .

Obviously I am happy at his reaction ...he is under lots of different doctors and lots of different appointments and things and I am always honest with him why we are doing things ....

But my mum is going to do my head in when she find out and instead of her supporting me ..well you guessed it I am going to be supporting her /ds3/ds1&2/and dad (who I am his carer..and have to support her through his medical treatments and stuff)

She will be in tears ..unable to sleep at night ...up at 5am thinking about him and all that crap !!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you manage "the family" when 1 only thinks of themselves ...

Sorry ..stupid thread ..I dont wail and cry when I am worried...I do things and this just seemed to be something to do

Pathetic !! I am more concerned at how to deal with my mum than any thing else !!!!!!!!
Sorry

Bizzey When I saw this i wondered if I'd written it! This is very similar to my experience with my mother.

Ds had Mri and lumbar puncture a few weeks back and my mum was supossed to be coming to the hospital as required to people to bring ds home as was having a general and i am a lone parent. She had been getting increasing anxious about ds various possible conditions and tests, to the extent she was hearing thingsthat weren't said by the doctor and adding far more severe prognosis than they were giving.

I had to find someone else to come to the hospital! I very gentley and kindly told mum that if she could not exercise some self discpline around her panic then she must at least makes sure she shares it with someone other than me.

She accepted this. Then after one other incident where she had made up alot of extra severity to ds's conditon and told all her friends, I now also also filter what I tell her. I will never lie but if they give me possiblities that are possible worst case senarios i now don't share with her unless they are very likely.

I do make sure i do share with other more level headed people though so don't shoulder alone.

Annoying i know but I do not want to expose ds to that level of fear and she won't change so i change how i deal with her!

I have a mil like that!! Once when DS was in hospital, every time she visited she ended up in a right tizz whenever the nurse came to do temperature and BP, let alone anything else. She would sit by his bed sobbing. In the end I told DH to have a word and tell her not to come if she was going to be like that as she was upsetting ds. Things improved for a while!

Thanks for the replies....sorry about delay in getting back to you both ...no internet at their house ....thank God ....I would dread to think of what my mum would get up to with DR Google !.

whoamiiam..Hats off to you for gently and kindly telling your mum some thing ...more patience than me !

starfish...yeah ..my mum would have burst in to tears just seeing him in a hospital bed !

I don't mean to sound horrible towards my mum ..she is a wonderful loving grandmother and my boys (her only grandchildren) adore her.She is never going to change ..she has been like this all my life ...which is probably why I am so..cold and practical.

Loads of times I would have loved to have thrown myself in my mums arms for a hug ..but didn't as I knew I would end up helping her through her "sleepless nights" of worrying about me

Thanks again for letting me off load

Hi bizzey I could have written your post too. My mum drives us all bonkers with her anxiety. Some of it is a side effect to some medication that she is on and some of it is due to her have a rough ride over the years. However she is very selfish and only ever thinks about how stressful situations are going to effect her.

Some weeks I cant talk to her on the phone because I know I will slip up and say something that will set her off.

We dont have a very good relationship and she doesnt have a good one with my sister either for pretty much the same reasons.

You are most definitely not alone.

Be kind to yourself and hope your Ds gets on ok

Ineed..Thank you ...yep I have to be careful of what I say as well in case of a slip up !

One example that always sticks in my mind was 14 years ago...
I had my 1st MC..I found out on the Thursday..D&C on the Friday ...saw her for a pre-arrnged lunch on the Sat ..told her at my house...I cried...

First thing she did was phone her sister to tell her "I was almost a Grandmother but Bizzey lost the baby"...sob sob woe is me ...I was almost a Grandmother ..

I then ended up comforting her over my 1st MC (never told her about the 2nd till ages after

Ohh sorry !...What has got into me lately !!.Too much baggage I think !!

Sorry to hear about your mothers reaction to your heartbreak. I can also relate to this too. I have often felt like I cannnot breath from my mother for all her fussing and "supporting" (ie. stressing) and when I actualy could do with some support for something and then she does not have the capacity to give it at all, in fact does the opposite.

Like you I have had to deal with the consequences in other ways of the way she brought me up and have had to work my way through a barrage of her fears, phobias and supposed illness that were imposed by her.

Hence why I will not have her imparting that on my ds now.

So when I say gently and kindly it is said so....but is a very clear boundary I won't have crossed.

And likewise with ineed and yourself I am only just learning to be more mindful of what I tell her.

I actually did not speak to her on the phone for many years and only visited a couple of times a year for a long time. So this level of patience has been a long time coming ha ha .

We now live close by and I want the relationship so I am trying to adapt to treating her differntly to get the relationship I won't.

Sorry long reply but this has been a massive issue over the years for me too!!

Good luck

should read get the relationship I want not won't!!

Thanks Guys !! You have given so much "omph" to sort my self out !

She will most likely know tomorow as she has to pick up ds from school as I am taking dad to hosp appt..He will say it in his little proud voice(which sounds very posh now due to his SALT ..another long story !)

she will then tell me that ds is going for a picture of his brain...whats this all about /next morning ,,,,couldnt sleep worrying about ds .!!!

Anyhow thank you very much ...I feel stronger tonight