If anyone can remember, way back in the mists of time, when you first noticed something might be a little different about your dc...

[silverfrog]

what did you do about it? At home, I mean, not by way of getting into the system.

What books did you read? What advice did you put into place? What did you do?

Specifically, if you had a 5 year old who was doing a passable impression of NT, but lagging quite a bit behind and with a few really quite odd speech quirks, what would you do?

I have a friend who is being given all the summer born/ooh, sure to catch up guff, but she isn't convinced. In a can't-quite-put-her-finger-on-it way.

And, having played a bit with said dc, speech quirks are quite prominent (which of course tips me over into 'why hasn't anyone at school noticed this' rage). dc seems on the immature side, but I don't really have anything to compare with, as my just-turned-6 is ridiculously precocious and professorial

I have recommended Hanen, but what else could be done? I by-passed go and had to hit the road running with dd1, but her needs and difficulties were on a different scale.

Get private SALT?

Try and get as many playdates as possible with support (ie don't just let them get on with it).

What areas is the dc lagging behind in, other than s&l?

finances a bit of an issue re: private salt.

literacy/writing also an issue. mostly behavioural and attention related, I think.

playdates abound, but not necessarily supported - think structural support might be quite an issue to suggest, tbh.

Silverfrog, you know where I'm at with DD2.

What I'm doing is:

-Checking with DD2 if she knows what a word I use means. If not, explain and give example. So, for example, 'stared' 'gazed' 'frantically', etc., were all words that I read to her but she had no concept of. It was actually a revelation that half of what I read to her was 'blank' in her mind.

-Reading a book to her of her choice, but asking her comprehension questions casually all the way through. If she can't answer the question, I repeat the sentence I expect her to get the answer from. So, for example:

'The sign flashed with green letters, saying RACHEL WINS.' I ask 'what colour were the letters?' She couldn't answer. So I read the sentence again, asked the question again. Couldn't answer. So I read the question again, putting slightly more emphasis on 'green letters'. She got it right.

Even as simple as 'Rachel and Kirsty looked around the room. Kirsty looked worried. She and Rachel had no idea where the goblin had gone.' Who is 'she'? DD2 didn't know, so we broke it down, until she understood that 'she' was Kirsty.

I'm going to start working on 'is like' because one area (see my pedantry thread) that DD2 really hasn't grasped is that something can be 'like' something else without being exactly the same.

One thing I've started to explicitly teach DD2, with lots of exaggerative poses and grossly hammed up winks, is the concept of someone 'joking' when they seem to be 'lying'. So, now I'm starting to say things that are obviously untrue with big winks and exaggerated nods, etc., so that she can say 'Joking!!!'.

So, in short, and it's thanks to MNSN that I'm getting there, I'm 'firefighting' - what are the most pressing issues for DD2, and how can I help her to overcome them, bit by bit.

I spent hours on MN and other websites reading up about it all, having twigged that DS's communication and imaginary skills were poor from about 18 months. I was aware of AS through having read an article some years earlier and being struck that it exactly described an adult I knew. When I started looking for clues about DS everything started to point to AS, I was fairly sure he had it by about 3, although I desperately wanted him not to. I also picked the brains of anyone I came accross with any experience of special needs, from other parents to nursery staff, friends who are teachers, all sorts of people. He was diagnosed with AS aged 7 but was in the system from about 2yo (SALT, then EP). We also got a lot of help at pre-school age from the local family centre.

Specifically at home I used to give him two and three part instructions to see if he could follow them, play games where you recognise happy and sad faces, talked about feelings, taking turns, being polite etc.

I also spent a lot of time observing him in comparison to peers, we kept in touch from ante-natal class with a group and seeing him alongside them every week was extmely informative, as was talking to the other mums about development.

thanks, lougle. I am doing similar with my dd2. Her reading (as in decoding) is really good, but her intonation/scanning/phrasing all leave much to be desired, and her comprehension is not brilliant. So she is getting reading books home from Yr4, and we are working realy hard on getting ehr to understand the plot...

I guess what I'm after is the short-cut resources that mean we know to do what we are doing with our dd2s, iyswim? I don't want ot set myself up as expert to my friend, because I'm really not - I know loads about dd1, and dd2 is remarkably similar except with more language, so am doing ok supporting her too.

but a lot of it has taken me 5/6 years to realise/work through/get the lightbulb going 'ting!' etc.

And especially since so much of what I do/know was learned via (hideously expensive) ABA consultants - not really practical to suggest in passing

other than Hanen, I don't know what 'beginner' resources to suggest.

thanks, WhoKnows.

I don't think my friend has anything in particular in mind, re: dx. School are being a bit hopeless, and have already started saying things like 'can't be tested before the age of 7' etc. also makes me and .

we are having issues with dd2 which are along the subtle lines, and I am barely raising it with school for this reason - I do have a meeting with her class teacher next week, but otherwise we are skipping straight to private developmental paed, hoping to cut what could otherwise be a very long story short.

but then we have family history, and I know how utterly crap schools and LAs can be at times. I don't think my friend would go for that at this point in time - she is very much in the 'not quite right, but not sure how wrong' bit right now.

Just watching at playdates is very valuable IMO. I had to anyway until fairly recently as DS just didn't (to my mind) play well with his friends, he just didn't seem to know how to be a friend. He is much better now (age 9) but I still observe (it is an uncomfortable process unfortunately). I also volunteered at Beavers and tended to stay at parties, partly so I could just watch him in a group with others, it's awful really, you can end up feeling quite upset, but it does all help. I've toughened up to it to some extent now, but I know that it is far more obvious to me there are issues than it would be to anyone else so I try and not feel too sensitive about it all.

I also kept notes of everything that concerned me, it all helped with getting the diagnosis eventually.