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Help me to disagree politely

13 replies

sweetteamum · 13/03/2013 13:33

I'm due to go for the feedback appointment and I am not feeling too positive about getting a diagnosis for my DD, 11 (hopefully) ASD.

DD has learned so many coping strategies over the years, aswell as us teaching her to be polite and to act a certain way in public . . . However, I feel that is the reason we won't get the dx.

I have been speaking with the assessor in person and she has indicated a few things to me, and I wanted to get your fabulous thoughts on it please.

Apparently DD is quite social and this is the only thing that they seem to be scoring her down on - This, I find completely shocking......DD will only play with the same younger friends and even then she only sees them maybe twice a week. When out and about with her and we bump into people we know, she doesn't know how to interact and certainly doesn't have any kind of social contact with them - in fact, she comes over as quite rude!

At home, DD spends all her time in her room, by herself or with her brother or downstairs with her brother. Her interaction is nil and we have to speak to her first.

She also hates going out of the house to do anything we need to do and thinks that we should stay in all weekend, while she plays out with her friends.

Surely this cannot be the difference between getting a diagnosis or not?!

She is known to act and speak a certain way in front of 'authority' yet this seems to have been ignored. All the reports we've ever had indicate significant social, communication difficulties, yet it now sounds like they've changed their minds.

She did make the point of saying they still haven't decided to diagnose or not and told us we could always ask for a second opinion if they decided not to. I very quickly told her that we would expect a second opinion definitely, so at least they know where we stand.

What i'd like to know is, how can I disagree and make it clear i've researched the difference with boys and girls, without coming over as desperate for only 1 diagnosis.

This seems

OP posts:
Handywoman · 13/03/2013 13:52

Hi sweettea, such a long and painful process, I really feel for you. When is the feedback appt? Can you get any of these friends you bump into to write how they find her interaction? Does she go to any groups outside school (am guessing not)? Will school write anything? Perhaps you could go in armed with a list as per above and challenge them to find these normal for girls of an equivalent age? Whatever you can get together, go in armed with it and give it your best shot. Thinking of you.

PolterGoose · 13/03/2013 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetteamum · 14/03/2013 09:45

Omg. Omg. Omg. Omg. Omg.

Just wanted to thank you both so much for replying. I really appreciate the help and advice I've got from the lovely people in SN.

I received a call to say they've had all details out and spent a lot of time working their way through dd's files They have both spoken again and they have given her the diagnosis based on all details they have as she DOES meet the criteria.

I'm so happy for dd. we can now get things organised to tell her, her brother and how we can all work together as a family to ensure no one feels they're left out.

I'm not sure it's 'hit' me yet as I've been fighting for this for years.

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wasuup3000 · 14/03/2013 10:18

Phew what a relief for you all - at last - well done!! Grin

sweetteamum · 14/03/2013 11:22

Thanks wasuup, it's a huge relief :)

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Handywoman · 14/03/2013 11:32

omg indeed, sweetteamum, what fantastic news, many congratulations!! You did it!!! So happy for you....

Only 11:30 but I want to crack open one of these Wine and celebrate with you

PolterGoose · 14/03/2013 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetteamum · 14/03/2013 16:59

Thank you both so much :)

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MareeyaDolores · 14/03/2013 19:13

Oh, thank goodness. Congratulations, and Brew in case Sad hits after the relief.

Walter4 · 14/03/2013 19:33

So pleased for you! It's sad that we fight so hard for a diagnosis we don't really want to be true, that in the end we feel like celebrating!
Hope you can move forward finally X

Theycallmestacy · 14/03/2013 19:39

Relieved for you :) hope everything goes to plan with school.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 14/03/2013 20:14

That's great, IYKWIM. Don't be surprised if you get all emotional despite fighting for this DX. Well done. X

sweetteamum · 14/03/2013 20:30

Thanks all for the replies. I'm just waiting for the shock and denial to catch up with me.

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