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developmental delay - waiting for a possible genetic diagnosis

15 replies

Bryzoan · 08/03/2013 15:43

Dd is just over 2.5. She is kind, happy, fun to be around and along with her baby brother lights up my world - but she has a mild global developmental delay and bigger delays in gross motor and expressive language (she isn't walking or talking but has quite a bit of makaton). She was born at 34 wks and was treated last year for a late diagnosed hip dysplasia with an op and 3 months in a hip spica.

Until recently her paed has put her late development down to a combination of the above. But towards the end of last yr he started looking for other issues and we have now been referred for genetic counselling. At the end of our last appt he mentioned kabuki syndrome (a rare genetic condition) as a possibility - and reading up Dh and I are pretty sure he is right. She has a lot of the signs and common features.

In many ways this is a useful development - it gives us the opportunity to look out for known issues we might otherwise be late to spot - and a kick up the arse to increase her private salt and get private ot - but it hurts like hell. I am scared and confused, and it is hard having to be cheerful and play like nothing is wrong all day - by the evening I just want to cry. I'm so worried both for her and also about the impact this will have on her 3 month old brother when he is older. It is the first time really we have been properly faced with thinking that this isn't a patch and that dd is going to find things harder than most people probably all her life.

We are also in a bit of a wired place as while we have a possible dx that feels right to us we probably won't know for sure till we get the genetic counselling in June.
Sorry to introduce myself with a whinge - I guess I suspect some of you have been through similar things, and I'm hoping for reassurance that while life is likely to be more challenging than we had hoped things will fundamentally be ok in some sense of the word!

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Bryzoan · 08/03/2013 15:46

Oops - I forgot to add a thread title! Luckily "unknown" is quite apt as it goes... Hope someone is curious or bored enough to read it anyway!

OP posts:
EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 08/03/2013 15:57

Hi, bryzoan. If you report your own OP to MN, they will usually add a title for you. It may help you to get some more responses.

I don't know much about genetic syndromes, but there are other posters on the board who do. I'm sure they'll be along with websites and advice and just some handholding. Smile Off the top of my head have you heard of Unique? www.rarechromo.co.uk/html/home.asp It's a support website for those with rare genetic disorders.

moosemama · 08/03/2013 16:09

Hello Byrzoan and welcome. Smile

I think the early days, pre diagnosis are really hard. I know a lot of us on here have felt similar to you whilst waiting for assessments, testing and diagnostic procedures.

It's really hard to take it all in and perfectly normal to be worrying about the future. Some people describe it as a form of grieving for the life you thought you and your dc were going to have.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time and space to process it all. Processing means different things to different people. For me it involved reading every single snippet of information I could get hold of on my ds's condition and doing as much as I could to inform myself before going on to fight for the support he needed. Others may need to retreat from the world for a short while or to talk it through with either friends and family or professional counsellors. You just need to do what's right for you.

It's hard, but it does come and eventually you realise that you might not be going to have the life you expected, but that actually there's not a person on this earth that can say for certain how things are going to turn out. Life throws these curveballs at us and actually we do cope. That's not to say it will be easy, there will be good times and bad - as you said, life is almost definitely going to be more challenging than you had expected, but the life you expected to have was just one potential path and you will find your way through to the right path for your dd and your family.

Good luck and keep posting. I am sure someone with more experience of your situation will be along soon to offer you some more practical advice.

ps Re the thread title, I've done the same thing before. If you click on and report your own post - MNHQ will put a title on it for you.

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 08/03/2013 16:19

hi Bryzoan Smile my dd3 was dxed with a genetic syndrome just before she was 2 but for most of the previous year we were convinced something was going on to connect all the issues she had and I remember feeling just as you do now before we saw the geneticist. Dd3 is almost 7 now, ds2 almost 4 and at the moment things are ticking along nicely, we don't have a typical family life in many ways but the kids are all happy enough and I think that's the important thing Grin

I'd second ellen's suggestion of contacting unique, also have a look for groups on facebook. Dd3's support group is quite active on fb and it's great to talk to parents of older kids on there who have been there and done that many times before, I've always got much more accurate, less scary info from them than the doctors.

moosemama · 08/03/2013 17:02

Hello again

Just after I read your post I noticed on another thread that someone was talking about a hand-holding thread for those awaiting diagnosis.

Apparently there have now been two threads:

This is the first one.

This is the follow on thread.

I wondered if you might find it useful to read some of the old thread, as there may well be people on there who have been through something similar to what you're going through.

The second thread is the current one. I'm told it's been a little quiet lately, but I'm sure if you post and bump it to the top of the thread list someone will come along soon.

PolterGoose · 08/03/2013 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babiki · 08/03/2013 17:30

Hi,
Just want to tell you that she might not have that syndrome or that even the genetics might not find anything. Up to 50% percent of delayed kids are undiagnosed.
We have convinced ourselves ds has got Wiliams syndrome and then a few more, but all tests came clear.

Look up Swan UK on Facebook, it's a lovely support group.
And if the genetics don't turn up anything, you can ask the geneticist to refer you for a Deciphering Development Disorder (DDD) study, they dig into the 'material' in much more detail.

Pls do not google various syndromes, it has almost finished me off at one point. Be kind to yourself, she is your lovely daughter and it if fantastic that she walks and can sign!

Firsttimer7259 · 08/03/2013 17:35

Hi Bryzoan,

It does just hit really hard and it takes a long time to digest. Try to take it easy, try to find some support - practical emotional financial. The SN board is really good for tips on all three. Ive just started a new keeping up thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1703141-Lives-less-ordinary-a-keeping-up-thread-on-our-new-normal-for-the-handholding-threads-graduateswhcih might be good - remains to be seen if theres any interest. The hand holding thread moose linked is great too has been a bit quiet but it would be nice if you restarted it.

You will be ok and even happy again but give yourself time to be sad too

Big hug

coff33pot · 08/03/2013 18:52

Hi Bryzoan and welcome :)

I dont have knowledge of genetics but do know how deflating it is when it registers that things are going to be slightly different than what you had planned for your family x

Its ok to be upset about it too. We are all here if you need a shoulder or a shout regardless of diagnosis. The waiting is the most worrying so we can all hold your hand along the way :)

OliviaMumsnet · 08/03/2013 19:05

@Bryzoan

Oops - I forgot to add a thread title! Luckily "unknown" is quite apt as it goes... Hope someone is curious or bored enough to read it anyway!

Let us know if you'd like us to change this won't you?

sneezecakesmum · 08/03/2013 19:19

We know a little boy with kabuki syndrome and he now walks really well. Also uses makaton. The motor delay apparently is simply that, a delay, and your dd I think will get there. There is a kabuki association that may help. Also contactafamily I think it's called. After the initial shock you do come to terms with it all, but its never what you expected and the first few months are pretty dire. Only advice I would say is take each day at a time and don't think too far into the future when its all so raw.

hazeyjane · 08/03/2013 20:08

Hello Byzoan

I would echo everything that others have said. I have posted on the thread FirstTimer mentioned here, it would be lovely to see you there. I started the original thread when we first started seeing a paed and the whole testing process began, it was really helpful to me to talk to others going through similar worries and fears.

Ds is 2.8, and has had a variety of tests, he sees a geneticist who thinks his issues are part of a genetic syndrome. He is part of a study into a syndrome called Kleefstra syndrome, and this is being treated as a possible diagnosis, as he fits the syndrome so well. However, it may well be that all tests come back negative, the world of genetic testing is a vast and murky one, with new developments all the time. His dna is also included in a study similar to the ddd study, but based in Holland, so it will be tested for any new syndromes as they are discovered.

The main thing for us now we are in this limbo land, is making sure ds has all the support that he needs, and I try to make that my focus, but I do have a gnawing need at the back of mind always, to know and be able to put a name to whatever is causing ds's issues.

OliviaMumsnet · 08/03/2013 22:00

@OliviaMumsnet

[quote Bryzoan] Oops - I forgot to add a thread title! Luckily "unknown" is quite apt as it goes... Hope someone is curious or bored enough to read it anyway!

Let us know if you'd like us to change this won't you?
[/quote]

Done for you
Kindest

Bryzoan · 08/03/2013 22:06

Thank you so much all of you for all your support and the information and links. I really appreciate it. All the reading is helping, though as a few of you say I know it will just take time to adjust. Hazeyjane I have started reading your old thread. I am sorry you still don't have answers. While I am nervous of a dx it would be nice to good to know why.

sneezecakes it is lovely to hear the little boy you know is doing well. I have joined some facebook groups and it is lovely to read if some of the successes children are having and to see photos of them looking happy. However while I suspect kabuki might be the answer we're looking for I'm trying not to get too caught up on that till we know for sure...

Thanks again all of you. It is really nice not to feel so alone.

OP posts:
girlfromwales · 21/07/2013 20:41

Hi Bryzoan
I don't know what the latest with your daughter is, but my son is three and was diagnosed with Kabuki when he was 18 months. He is happy and sociable and about to start a special school in September, where I know he will thrive. My husband and I, and some other Kabuki parents, set up a charity, www.kabukiuk.org.uk and we just organised a family day in Warwick where we had 30 families come and enjoy a really good day. If I can help in anyway, please get in touch via email, [email protected]

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