Help me tackle a situation tactfully

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My son has recently been diagnosed with ASD, he is in ms school. Also has learning difficulties, his speech and communication are very delayed still. I've got a bit friendlier with one of the mums lately and she has invited him to her child's birthday party, which is lovely. But it is at a very exciting theme park, lots or rides, queuing up, waiting turn and party games etc after. All the stuff that will thrown him into overload meltdown. TBH it is probably too much for him at the moment. How can I turn it down tactfully? I was thinking about declining, explaining why and asking if she wanted to come over in the hols for a play date and we could maybe do a little cake, sing happy birthday etc which my little fella can handle okay. The tricky thing with this is we are going through statement process, things are a bit tricky with school over his future provision and I need to be very careful what I say about any of it until it is all resolved. Tricky! I don't want to just turn it down with an excuse though, this lady has been genuinely friendly and we do get on quite well and have a laugh.

The thing is, you have your diagnosis of ASD, so you can say to her, 'Not sure if you're aware, but DS has been diagnosed with ASD. He wouldn't cope with the party you have planned as it as he finds waiting and flashing lights/busy places too much.' And then make the offer about the playdate. That way you aren't saying anything at all about school, and it is purely factual...

Would that do?

Thanks, yeah I would actually like to have her over, I'm pretty sure she knows what he's got anyway. It's just a tricky time to be getting to know peeps while things are at a critical stage with school. I'm sure I can navigate the conversation away from school if I have to!

Aw thanks, it's awkward isn't it. It's nice that he's been included but my gut feel about it is nightmare. The play date idea is prob not fab really as it's highly likely he will ignore the other child lol. Luckily my other son is happy to fill the gaps! I do like the mum though and she's friendlier to me than most but to be fair I've been wearing a 'wet fortnight' face for the last year!

That's lovely, how kind, he's getting quite good at little family parties now, think we'd best say no though, a theme park party is probably pushing our luck.

Tbh, after she's dealt with a bunch of overexcited dc running wild in an excessively priced theme park she'll probably come round to your way of thinking and just do cake and happy birthday next year

The other Mum sounds sensible...she'll be fine about it I'm sure. My DD aged 8 has a friend with Aspergers and they've been close since nursery, her Mum explained her DDs likes and dislikes early on and certain things which upset her...I now know never, ever to have a balloon in the house if she's coming over!

And similarly, her DD doesn't like loud or chaotic situations, so when DD was having a party in a bowling alley, her friend came over for cake and a one on one tea party instead.

DD just accepts her friend's different way of seeing things....when they play together, it's very separate but my DD loves those times, she says "Being with X is like having a rest." they have a very restful friendship.

They ride their bikes up and down and sometimes they lie on the floor and press their feet together in the air ...that's about it, but both seem to get a lot from the relationship!

I think what you are suggesting is lovely - and hopefully your DS and his friend will have a great play date soon.
My DS (NT) had his party a couple of months ago. I invited all his class mates; it was in a hall, with bouncy castle/magician, so nowhere near as hectic as a theme park. Two of the children left fairly early on as they found it too over-whelming. Their parents were so apologetic - although nothing to be apologetic for! I did the same as you are thinking - suggested we get a play date arranged, which worked out great.