Is this bullying or typical playground roughness?

[JeffFaFa]

Wasnt sure of the best title for this probably not that or where to post this but responses are easier to bare in here. Ds 7 (undiagnosed as still waiting on referral but a sensory seeker) is in p2 at school and has always been happy there last week told me a boy punched him in the stomach at lunchtime he didnt seem that phased by it so i thought maybe he got confused and they were playing. Yesterday i collected him with a brusie under his eye not bad at all but enought for me to notice immediately, i asked him what happened and he said the same boy (who is not in his class) chased him and puched him in the face, he didnt know why. When another lad told the playground supervisor he says she said and did nothing? another girl in his class (who i strongly suspect has her own issues) a few weeks ago was telling him she will come into his house at night and kill his family, she is now trying to stab him in the eye with a pencil in class, she seems a very angry child. To top it all off the boy he plays with everyday apparently slapped another boy yesterday and told ds that next time it will be him, but apparenly they are friends? Now ds doesnt seem fazed by any of this he said this morning he getes chased down everyday and sometimes pushed and sometimes they dont catch him, he said he isnt scared or worried about school (i asked) and all is fine. Yesterday evening though his behaviour was terrible, very emotional, grumpy one minute, jumping and laughing like mad the next.

I dont really know what to do here, his teacher is new, a temp and been as much use as a chocolate teapot so far, do i speak to him, the head, the office? do i leave it because ds isnt unhappy and may make me look silly if i complain and he thinks its no big deal?

I have exactly the same situation with playground roughness and same behaviour after school. My son also he doesn't mind, however his behaviour says otherwise!

I ave a meeting with school tomorrow, about this and other things, not sure how to broach it either....I have watched this behaviour with my son before audit leaves me feeling uncomfortable at the very least.

DS has a friend who has a abnormal hyposensitivity to pain. It basically means he'd barely be able to tell if his leg was broken. Given that your child is already under investigation for sensory issues I think you should err on the side of caution and have a chat with the HT. No child should be coming home with physical bruises on a regular basis, whether they can feel the punches and slaps or not. He has a right to be kept safe.

Hmmm, horrible for your DS.

I can only tell you what worked for me.

Before diagnosis (DS has HFA), DS would tell about incidents like this. I'd observed various bits myself, e.g DS being wrestled and hitting out in self-defence and being caught and punished for the self-defence bit.
Came to a head, when he was punished (again) for hitting but the following day, other kids told the teacher that the 'hittee' had started it. The same CT was then on alert and observed this herself.

I started keeping a diary of it. I spoke initially to the CT, then brought it up with the HT. When it was becoming awful for DS, I wrote to HT, which was when action was taken

Even if you are reluctant at this stage to do anything, do keep a record. Photo of bruises. It will hep your case if you need to go further later.

thank you for the replies, he definatly is aware of pain over aware tbh ds cries at the slightest bump only this morning he was crying because his buttons on his tshirt brushed against his neck when he was putting it on and it hurt i asked him when they chase him are they playing or being nasty does he think and he said being nasty they want to hurt me so i dont know why it doest faze him more. I did take a photo of his eye last night and have written all incidents down.

I have also noticed many occassions where ds has been put to time out and when asked its because hes copies someone else or retaliated, dh says he's the boy who gets caught, hes always punished while the others get away with it :(

Being that sensitive to pain/buttons etc would suggest that he has some sensory processing problems (you already mentioned he's a sensory seeker which would fit).

If that is the case, if, it's also often the case the children with sensory processing are not as adept with social rules (e.g. is you dont have a good awareness of where you are in space, then it's hard to judge how close to stand to someone, how much force to use when pushing them, touching them etc). It would also fit with him copying someone else's naughtiness (I had this recently where DS copied something someone else said - it was appalling and I was so disappointed with him, but he had no awareness of the awfulness of what he said).

So, he may be being targeted because he's slightly on the edge of the group. At the same time, he may not be aware of why this is happening or how to change it.

'The not being phased' element of things can mean that they just don't understand why it happened, so it gets pushed to the back of their mind along with 'all the other stuff I don't understand.'

Doesn't mean it wasn't done with malice, just that DS isn't picking up on the malice, or understanding it. My DS7 is like this, I can see from across the playground that something negative is happening but because it's harder for him to read social situations, it's harder for him to understand intent.

I second a diary and speaking to HT. Even if DS isn't identifying it as 'wrong' it is wrong.

We had a similar situation. My son 5(still awaiting diagnosis) mentioned a boy in the year above him had been punching him in his back. When i asked about it further he said it was ok because they were "only playing power rangers", so i just told him to tell a teacher/dinnerlady if he was being mean or hurting him. The next day he said he had hurt him again & told him to stop & tried to run away but he kept chasing him. He told the dinnerlady but she didn't do anything. This went on for another couple of days so i went into school & informed his teacher. She appeared shocked as she informed me the other boy in question "is an angel"'. Anyway they had obviously observed the situation that day & informed me at hometime that i was right, he was being mean & physically agressive to my son & another boy . The teacher went into his class with my son & the other boy & got him to the front & told him off in front of his class & made him apologise. This seemed to work for a couple of months but then started again a couple of weeks ago. I went straight in again & told the teacher & it was sorted (again). I think it's one of those things i'm going to have to keep a constant eye on. It makes me want to be physically sick at the thought of anyone hurting my little boy. I hope your situation is resolved soon.

No child should be coming home with physical bruises on a regular basis, whether they can feel the punches and slaps or not.

I absolutely agree with that ^

If it's hard to say whether ds really is being bullied or not, at the very least you can say that to the school. They have a duty to protect every child from harm, whether it's meant in 'play' or not.