Please help me with how I could have managed this better?

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Very little sleep last night and dd1 mixed up because dh is off sick, he has been throwing up sice 6 ish. Dd1 didn't want to go to school but was lovely to dh, asked if if he needs hospital(she does when sick), got him a sick bucket and glass of water unprompted and asked me to look after him while she goes to school. All lovely, lots of praise etc.

Just about to leave for school and I put dd2 down for a second to get her coat, dd1 came over to her, spotted the hairbrush at same time as me and managed to hit her with it before I could get it. Took dd1 for time out and dd2 crawled after me, I had to throw myself between them to stop dd2 getting kicked in the head. Dd1 seemed calm but was giggly. I then took dd2 up to dh who held her till we left for school. I feel I handled it badly, shouldn't have let dd1 near her in the first place, should have put dd2 in the play pen while I sorted time out and mostly should have stayed calm rather than losing my temper but I am just so sick of it and the waking every two hours makes it hard to see straight let alone stay calm.

Dd1 is six btw with autism and genetic condition. Dd2 is 8 months and beginning to be wary of her big sister. I've left messages with psychologist and disability social worker but any tips on how to handle this would really help in the mean time? Psychologist said immediate time out and also have been keeping an abc record, it is very consistently transition times so using visual aids. I suspect today was worse due to disruption of dh being home but we have just had to buy a new car on finance due to dd attacking the baby in the car so I feel desperate.

I don't think you handled things badly your only human you can't account for every equation.

Do you go to school in the car? Could you get dd2 ready first and put her straight in the car while you get dd1's shoes and coat on. Or put dd2 in the pushchair and put her outside first (obviously that may not be practical)

I think it's all too easy to criticise yourself when you're looking at a situation in hindsight. It's hard being constantly on alert, especially when you're so tired.

How dextrous is your eldest? We have some quite fiddly safety gates that DS2 can't undo (he's nearly 7. Even DS1 didn't master them until he was nearly 4) but an adult can manage one handed. You might find something like that helpful for keeping them both apart while you're busy.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this but agree you didn't handle it badly. 8 months is still very little and your DD1 will still be getting used to the idea of her being around and being mobile. You must be shattered which they will pick up on.

I don't know anyone who gets out of the house unscathed on a school morning, chalk it up, keep going, think about the lovely things DD1 did this morning, they are really special.

You knew what to do and how to handle it but at that moment you weren't able to put it into practice because you are not a perfect machine.

It will get easier in about 2 years once dd learns that crawling after her upset sibling = bad idea.

Thank you all. So hard as just brought dd home from school where I have been in the open class thing they did today and she was so pleased to see the baby but managed to get a whack in as I turned to get her drink!

We walk to school and dd2 goes into the pushchair first but things often happen as I put my boots on so at least spring and ballet pumps should help as they are easier to put on without looking!

We do need to get more safety gates, after someone on here recommended a playpen we got one and its been really helpful, dd1 can open it though. It slows her down enough for me to be there though.

I am worried that the behaviour advice isn't working as she just doesn't seem to care. I have said no tv tonight out of desperation but it will make life awful tonight as its part of her routine and routine is important. Just been to a meeting at school too and she has stopped the violent behaviour at school which is great but we seem to have it worse at home again and I worry about dd2 being affected long term. And I do so wish dd2 would learn not to pull up on dd1s legs when I am dressing her too!

If you feel that the behaviour advice isn't right for you and your dd then maybe it's time to try some other strategies. I find it hard not to go with a traditional sanction as it feels like I am letting my son get away with something and not sending the right message but trying to do it 'right' and beating yourself up doesn't work for anyone.

I have some practical things I try, ds1 has a sandbox to 'work out his feelings', a postbox to write me angry letters about how much he hates his brother/me/teacher/dad etc, I try and make sure there's a fuss box to crawl into. Does she like drawing?

I should add that these strategies don't work like a charm, just feels like I'm trying something constructive!

Thank you both. Maybe I need to create dd a space to calm down in or something, it is hard because it tends to happen when she is about to do something or go somewhere although often it is just opportunity tbh. We tried a feelings thing so maybe I should reinstate it.

Poltergoose thank you for the flowers! Yes I am exhausted and fed up with this baby who is beautiful but never sleeps for more than a coup,e of hours and as a result follows me around crying a lot. Which is hard on dd1 too of course. Dd1 just doesn't seem to get punishments either, the tv thing has been ok today as she has said ok I will watch tomorrow, and she has talked in an interested rather than bothered way about no tv today, tv tomorrow etc etc!

My parents cat used to get kicked quite a bit! And the class hamster had to be moved else where for its own protection! I wish I could find a way of knowing what to do before it gets to that point but it seems impulsive. My dad likened it to people he has know with mental health issues who just suddenly lash out and are very upset after, she isn't upset, but she does mostly love her sister an doesn't want her hurt.