WWYD re this comment, if anything?

[BookieMonster]

New school year here and I've had a meeting with DS's (7, ADHD, poss dyslexia, constructional apraxia) to discuss how he's going. The first few days were tricky, transitioning always is, but he's been doing really well. His teacher is very experienced and very supportive of him which we're very happy about.
Here's the thing, during our meeting the teacher said, "I always approach every child with an open mind. When DS was put on my class list I had other teachers say poor you but I don't take any notice of that.". I'm really quite upset by the implication that he's seen as a problem, to the point that teachers will say things like this to other staff members. I don't want to get his teacher into any bother, I'm certain she didn't mean to say it, it just came out in the conversation but I'm very upset and unsettled by it. It's hard enough having to take him to school each day knowing that it is utter torture for him and that he is trying so hard there, without feeling that I'm leaving him in the care of people that think he's a nightmare child they'd rather not deal with. There is very little understanding of the condition amongst staff, shockingly so, actually. Should I say something? If so, who to? Am I just making a fuss?

Argh! I bet the teacher doesn't even remember she said it. She won't have meant it in a negative way, but to show her support for you. However, it is a horrible comment.

I guess the thing is that if you do say something, will it actually change their opinions? Will they suddenly say 'Oh, he's not that bad afterall' or will it become 'Poor you - and his mother is bolshy too...'?

Do you have any professional who would be willing to go in and do a staff-meeting explaining the world as DS sees it, explaining his behaviours and difficulties so that they can see where he's coming from?

We have someone from the advisory teacher's service for physical disability going into preschool to talk about DD's cerebral palsy so they can understand her difficulties and the support she needs. That teacher will also go into school once DD starts to talk to them.

Hmm, I'm very sure they may say it privately to each other. Can't really stop them, what's rather unprofessional is your new teacher mentioning this conversation to you. It's rather like she's purposely trying to drop the other teacher in it. I wouldn't rise to the bait and try to ignore what may have been a very informal, if hurtful, comment. It could be that this new teacher doesn't have a lot of time or respect for the previous one.

That's just my take on it. You must do what your conscience dictates, but working in a school I have been surprised how much black humour there is in the staffroom, rarely meant seriously.

I think your new teacher sounds great but she has unwittingly dropped her colleagues in it.

I think you have to tackle this head on in a non-bolshy yet firm way. I like Galena's idea - speak to the head and say there's obviously an issue with how the staff view DS and you'd like it out in the open and you'd like to arrange for someone to come in and conduct some training for EVERYONE's benefit.

I would hate that. It is great she feels differently but completely rude and hurtful to share that with the parent.

You do need to pull her up on it but not in a way that damages your working relationship - I think she has a hero complex!

Could you call her aside and say you relayed her comments to your mum who was horrified and offended that anyone in the school would say such a thing about her grandchild. You could say that this made you realise that she (the teacher) should be careful as other parents could be very upset by that sort of comment - even if she is just passing it on.

It's not so much that she said it, as the idea that children with ADHD are viewed this way by staff. What hope does my DS have at school if people see him as a problem rather than a child that needs help and support?

Maybe they see it both ways at the same time? i.e. Professionally and compassionately they see it one way but as human beings with a job to do and a life of their own, they see how personally challenging it can be too? Its a shame the teacher said that to you though. I bet she'd be horrified to realise that she let the staffroom gossip slip out in that way.