Sharing our son's diagnosis (HF Autism) with him and his sister

[DJTF]

About 9 months ago we followed the recommendation of our son's school and started the process of having him assessed for Asperger's ? partly because he was getting unsympathetic treatment from others - from some kids, bullying/teasing, and some adults also, jumping to conclusions about the way he talks and acts. We have just been given a diagnosis ? "High Functioning Autism" ? and are thinking through how to talk to him about it, and how to discuss it with his older sister. He is 10, his sister is 11. They both know he's "different" but we haven't used labels so far. Does anyone have any advice on ways of breaking the news, beginning to explain? Did anything work specially well for you, as a starting point? Was there anything that turned out not to be so helpful?

Perhaps I'm making too much of this. But anxious ? it'll be part of how he thinks about himself. Afraid we might mess up his fairly battered self-esteem even more. Need to make sure my anxiety doesn't show through either, to confuse! Reading books for ideas ? just wondered if anyone out there had anything to add.

DD was dagnosed at 13 and knew why she was being assessed. But leading up to that we watched fims (Temple Grandin) and I left books lying around. And if stuff came on TV I'd drop it in to conversation and compare how she was to whatever film or TV show.
That way it wasn't a shock or unexpected.

Thanks Taggie. Temple Grandin, yes. And thinking now of other books and shows. Sublime to the ridiculous ? Big Bang Theory could be a lead in for DD, who loves it even though some of the dating stuff is over her head. Curious Incident of the Dog ...
Thanks again for replying.

My dd, told my ds, they were ten and eight at the time - my dm had been talking in front of dd to an acquaintance - she told the other person my son had autism - even though we didn't have official dx. Dd was watching some CBbc programme about autism, with ds, she turned around and said "that's what you've got", in front of another friend's teenage kids, I was completely gobsmacked. Ds wasn't too bothered, but I am still getting over it.

Maybe look for some good appropriate programmes to watch, good luck though. It will hopefully be a relief for them. My dd can be amazingly supportive of my ds which is a great comfort.

Hear what you're saying about relief. Think it should be for DD ? uncomfortable when DS does odd stuff in front of her new friends from secondary school. So hope it will be for DS too. He has tics as well, sometimes ferocious. At first we followed advice to ignore them, not comment, but got fed up with that ? felt it was leaving him lonely ? why does no-one else have this or even seem to notice it? So started to comment on bad days, in low-key sympathetic way, plus told him others he knew, including in family, had had tics at different times. Didn't think he'd registered what I was saying at all, and then he left the room, but as he headed out, just said "Nice to know I'm not on my own ..." Wash of relief for me too. Thanks for reply.

I was exactly the same about telling my ds, he was 8 at the time. He literally asked me outright and i had no choice but to tell him.

He has an eye disorder and someone from the visual impairment team went to see him in school to assess him (without my knowledge) she gave him a leaflet, which he read. Then he asked me whether he had an eye condition and why i hadnt told him about it.

He then asked did he have any other conditions that i hadnt told him about. I think he was quite disappointed in the fact i knew and hadnt told him.

I told him he had a condition called autism too and that i hadnt told him as i felt he was too young too understand. He asked a few questions about whether you die from it and whether other people have it too. But treated it very matter of fact

The ubiquitous 'All cat's have Aspergers' is recommended a lot. The author has also written 'The Blue Bottle Mystery' and other books in the series aimed at children about a boy with Aspergers or HFA who solves mysteries in a very readable form.

I just came out and told my DS2 when he was 11 before secondary transition. He has ASD, not Aspergers in that his language was very delayed and he was DXed at 3. So different to your DS, and before 11 he'd not have understood at all. The books I found seemed to be aimed at more Aspie type Dxes. So I just explained that his brain was wired differently to most people's, it meant that he was very good at (put in your own examples) maths, remembering facts about Dr Who, computers, (keep it very positive and exaggerate as necessary) but that he struggled with things like, waiting, (careful with this one, don't want it thrown back as an excuse!) thinking up ideas in stories, playing with friends.

That it was called autism spectrum (ignored the disorder) and that there were lots of people who were on the autism spectrum, Sheldon? Bill Gates, Einstein etc. Again, trying to keep it positive. I didn't want him to hear 'autistic' at school and think of it as an insult.

BTW, he was completely unbothered!

www.amazon.co.uk/Blue-Bottle-Mystery-Adventure-Adventures/dp/1853029785/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1362563867&sr=1-1