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Original poster

I'm such a crap mother. I popped her balloon :(

21 replies

lougle · 01/03/2013 17:27

That's it really. There's no way back, it's popped.

She wanted to play with next door neighbours. They have 6 children of various ages. Of course, that means the older ones supervise the younger ones and Mum stays warm.

I have 3 children under 8 and the one who should be the most sensible is, in fact, not. To the point that I can't let her out of my sight.

So, I get to stand out in the cold watching the children play if I let them out.

Today, I don't feel great. But I let them out. After letting them out with bikes, scooters, etc. I finally asked them to come in.

Cue shouting screaming and general melt-down from DD1 and DD3. I get them in and DD1 went into rage mode.

Shouting, screaming, kicking doors, etc. I offered dinner. More screaming, shouting and abuse.

Then, she hit me with the balloon she got from her bowling party at school today.

I popped it Sad

She's devastated. More than I've ever seen her.

Don't know why I'm telling you all...can't bring it back, can I?

OP posts:
EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 01/03/2013 18:04

OMG! Wink

We all lose our rag occasionally, Lougle. You didn't hit her, she will survive. And she understands that she made you really upset. It doesn't do them any harm to realise that parents get angry, too, sometimes. Once it's calmed down just say sorry for popping your balloon, but you shouldn't have been shouting at me and hitting me.

moosemama · 01/03/2013 18:11

Commiserations. Sad

Bloody balloons - I can't stand them, they cause nothing but trouble.

For some reason in our house the damn things refuse to die. Dd had two Hello Kitty helium balloons for her birthday at the beginning of January and they are still jauntily bopping around her bedroom to this day - along with three blooming punch balloons from separate birthday parties (think space hopper sized Hmm) and a cluster of normal latex balloons also from her birthday that seem to be ever-lasting ... and ds2 has a real problem with the squeaky noise they make when they move or are touched.

You could perhapslet her choose another one tomorrow to make up for it - something disgustingly big and helium filled perhaps - it's a long shot though because if she's anything like ds1 only the original balloon will do. (We've had tears this evening because he's having a 3DS for his birthday. He's having just that and nothing else, between all his grandparents and us. He's desperate for one, as the next Pokemon game will be 3DS only, but he feels he is betraying his DSi by wanting one - cue emotional overload. )

Brew Chocolate (hug) - take your pick or have the lot.

moosemama · 01/03/2013 18:12

Ellen's post was much more sensible and measured than mine. My excuse is that it's hard to think when you have a 10 year old sobbing about hurting his DSi's feelings while you're trying to type. Blush

PolterGoose · 01/03/2013 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverfrog · 01/03/2013 18:37

oh lougle - been there, done that.

it is so very hard, isn't it, when they are doing their absolute best to wind you up, to keep your cool?

I have a house littered with balloons too, left over from dd2's party last weekend. I may have accidentally trodden on the odd one or two Wink

I agree that there is nothing wrong with children knowing when they ahve pushed you to your limits.

signandsmile · 01/03/2013 18:44

be kind to yourself, the others have made some good suggestions, and in a way learning to explain you got something wrong is a really good lesson for our kids. it's just a chance to model it for dd...

sending a hug, Flowers

Original poster
lougle · 01/03/2013 19:13

Thank you all. She moved on to preparing to throw a bicycle helmet at me, so she was put in her room to cool down.

I was feeling all sorry for her and posted this thread.

Then, I went upstairs and she'd weed on the floor!

She claimed that 'she hadn't got to the flaming toilet on time because the gate was shut'.

That story came undone when she had dry pants and leggings. She'd actually taken them down to pee on the carpet Angry

OP posts:
silverfrog · 01/03/2013 19:19

sounds like a tough evening, lougle.

hope you have lots of Wine to get you through it.

might dd1 have thought is was better to keep her pants dry (if indeed she couldn't get to the flamng toilet - sorry, but that made me Grin), or maybe even have been going through the motions on autopilot?

Dinkysmummy · 01/03/2013 19:23

Oh dear... It's horrible on those sort of days.
I really feel for you.. Your not a bad mum, we all get fed up and lose our rag on occasion.
(otherwise we'd all have little sparkly halos floating above our heads glimmering from the gracious flapping of our wings Wink )

I've done the balloon popping (in the last week because she kept throwing them down the stairs of the hostel and running up and down to get them!)
Dinky has also peed on the carpet Angry

I would agree with Ellen, and have apologised when I have done something I felt really guilty for after.

Hope you all have a better day tomorrow Thanks

moosemama · 01/03/2013 19:33

Aw Lougle, what a rotten evening.

As others have said you are definitely not a bad mum, some days would test the patience of a saint and I think your day qualifies.

Ds once decided the best way to get at me was to lift the lid on his brother's Thomas the Tank Engine ride-on-toy and fill the under-seat storage box with wee. He's also taken his pjs down and wee'd on his bedroom floor twice - and we didn't find out for a couple of days until it started to smell, despite his brother seeing him do it. Hmm Blush On all three occasions he was in emotional overload and for some reason needed to open the release valve - literally. Hmm

Tomorrow's a new day - hope it's a better one for you. Smile

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/03/2013 19:56

Lougle Feeling guilty and naming yourself crap mother for popping a balloon is quite the opposite thing a crap mother would do.

And anyway, I think it is important that our children learn natural consequences to their behaviour in safe environments to learn from them and practise her coping mechanisms for such natural reactions.

Life has plenty more balloons (sadly)!

moosemama · 01/03/2013 20:43

Just realised that I made it sound like ds wee'd in the Thomas truck to get at me. I do know that isn't the case, although it may have felt a little like that at the time (waaay before dx). Blush

Original poster
lougle · 01/03/2013 20:49

I know, it's all out of proportion. I'm sorry.

OP posts:
moosemama · 01/03/2013 20:57

Not out of proportion - you are just human and we all feel like that every now and then.

In fact, I sometimes think it's the less serious, iykwim, moments that are the ones we find particularly hard. I think they can just kind of spotlight or magnify the reality of our lives a little and in that moment these things can feel huge. Then when it's all over we look back and wonder what just happened.

Be kinder to yourself, you are a great mum and a very wise woman. x

Ellenora5 · 01/03/2013 21:04

Oh you are not a crap mum at all, sure most of the time we have the patience of a saint, ds2 wanders for an hour in the morning giving me a minute by minute account of the time, the other morning I lost it, "I know the bloody time, I've been able to tell time for a hell of a lot longer than you", boy did I feel bad, and he is so good and quite and the poor thing burst into tears so I joined him, we were both still sobbing at the school gate, hope you are ok lougle, don't feel to bad

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/03/2013 21:22

Oh don't apologise. It's natural to feel for your children, and to feel guilty if you haven't been able to spare them an upset that you feel you should have been able to.

zzzzz · 01/03/2013 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lougle · 01/03/2013 21:41

That made me Smile

I just received a text from X's Mum (I posted on the Friday Night thread about the fact that X's Mum arranged to take the whole class bowling today for X's Birthday) - apparently DD1 won the bowling today.

OP posts:
Ineedmorepatience · 01/03/2013 21:54

Be kind to yourself lougle, we are all only human and it is impossible not to lose it occasionally.

Had to smile at the revenge wee.

Dd1 used to be able to wee at will whenever I told her off, it used to drive me nuts!

Hope your weekend is okSmile

porridgeLover · 02/03/2013 09:24

Lougle, I wasnt on here last night but seeing this I didnt want to pass by.
I had a thread here a few weeks ago as I felt so bad about shouting at my DS.
There was a long wind-up of behaviour to the point where I lost is.

The wise Poltergoose posted What I do think though, is that we know that our children on the spectrum have poor emotional recognition in themselves and others, so sometimes they do benefit from seeing us properly displaying what we feel. Ds doesn't believe I am in pain unless he can see blood, he doesn't believe I'm angry unless I'm shouting, or sad unless I'm crying. It can also be a good opener for discussions around how we deal with our own feelings

I have thought about it a lot since as it's so true. Sometimes our responses need to be exaggerated so that they can 'hear' us. Like balloon popping to show frustration Blush or my shoutingBlush Blush

sickofsocalledexperts · 02/03/2013 09:37

I think kids, even kids with special needs, need to learn that mums are human and other humans don't respond well to tantrums or bad behaviour. I think you did fine (whispers - I have snapped in half a fave DVD of my NF daughter's when she was behaving superbrattishly). Don't stress, we are not saints, just mums.

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