Getting truly desperate with ds- I think I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

[popgoestheweezel]

I am just worn to a complete frazzle with ds and his coming out of school meltdowns as well as all the other ones. I can't cope anymore and I'm just crying all the time now. What can I do? I am desperate for some help but I don't know where to turn. Dh is doing his best but is under the same pressures as me. School are asking me to help them with strategies and understanding PDA. My mum & dad are supportive but don't really know what to do. Although my sister lives just around the corner she is too busy in her own life and offers me no support of any kind whatsoever, she won't even really talk to me about him, she just changes the subject.
I just can't deal with it anymore. The other parents must just think it is madness and much as you develop a very thick skin you know that this is effecting everyone's opinion of ds- no wonder he doesn't get invited to play. Ds has one friend and his mum is a complete star and so lovely, they play together at least twice a week. She has taken him home with her tonight cos I don't think I could have got him off school premises by myself, even though the friend came to us last night and it's already planned that ds go there tomorrow, ds can't wait til tomorrow, everything has to be NOW!
He has always had these meltdowns, right from the beginning of reception. It always centres around having someone over or going to someone's house. We have tried after school activities but he just won't engage and it just adds to the stress. He is nearly seven now and it's only getting worse. I don't know what to do.

Sorry I just remembered the name of the assessment where 3 professionals get involved. It is called a CAP assessment.

Only on my own over the weekend as dh been v busy with work. Luckily we are v flexible and we mostly operate as a tag team and neither of us normally have to go it alone for long. I guess this has disguised our issues a lot, both to others and ourselves.
Just had email from CT saying he prob wont manage to be in school play at all as even though his part gas been reduced and reduced he still can't manage the tiny role he has. However we are not worrying about that this week!
Sorry to hear others are suffering too this week, maybe the change in seasons is effecting the children, it's yet another transition they are not in control of!!

Kyla, we have already been 'under' comm paed for two years so hoping for more joy with Camhs. More importantly though HT has readily agreed to refer us to enc in nott for assessment so hopefully will get progress there.

T can't manage the school plays either, last month he hac a small talking part which was changed to a walk on with word cards and finally he was too anxious on the day they gave him a technical role operating the projector so that he still felt involved. he has helped with the music player before also. I know yours is younger but with the help of an adult surely they could do something to make him feel valued? Xxx

Hi Pop. I feel for you and all your family. Takes me back as ds (now 13) was similar with the difficult and traumatising behaviour before and especially after school (although my son also has LD so is now in SS). I thought I would mention that our area now has a challenging behaviour psychology service, specifically to support parents and children stuck in the 'gap' between Camhs and paediatric services. It is a new service and may not be in your area yet, but it worth asking, so you are top of the list once available.
The things I found helped were,
Meeting ds (often the last out) from school with a snack, and sitting in a quiet corner of the playground (or the car) to eat it. (to defuse and refuel)
Not asking questions.
Letting him watch TV/play quietly once home for a while with no demands put on him.
Ds is not high functioning, but does need to feel needed/useful. He had one teacher whilst in MS who understood this and gave him regular little jobs (within his capability) such as taking things to another staff member. I also used to take him home for lunch - not a thing I would recommend but I had no choice and it happened to work rather well to give ds some calm time at home rather that the stress (and empty tummy since he was not eating) of the lunch time playground .
School plays are difficult, but agree with Kyla72.