Diagnosis - pros and cons?

[prozacpopsie]

Hi there
I'm new to this thread. I have a six-year-old son with undiagnosed Aspergers. My husband is an Aspie too, but we're currently separating. I am keen on getting my son diagnosed, and I also want to tell our son about Aspergers. He already says that he's a 'very weird boy' (in his own words). But my husband is vehemently anti diagnosis and anti telling our son that he's an Aspie. He thinks that our son will be relegated to a 'special' class, or school, labelled, and he won't meet his potential. He thinks that if our son knows he's an Aspie it will become a 'self-fulfilling prophecy' and he'll get 'worse' and will use it as an excuse to not do things. Even though, when my husband found out about himself, he felt huge relief to finally understand who he was.
Any thoughts/ideas? I want our son to understand himself and not be confused/ashamed of who he is.
As my husband is an Aspie (part of the reason we're separating) I don't want to put my son through too much at the moment. We'll be telling him (in the next few months) that daddy is moving out (waiting for husband to find a flat to move out into) and we don't want to overload him with change and information.
Would really appreciate any thoughts from anyone!
Thanks
PP

My 6yo DS just got his diagnosis through as ASD, but he is an Aspie.

Having a diangnosis doesn't mean leaving mainstream school or being discriminated against. Its more likely that it will help him get the help he needs in school and from other services.

We've not discussed it with DS as we very much see it as child first, diagnosis later. We'll discuss it with him as he gets older and gets more curious as to why he may see things differently to other people, but at the moment we don't see the point as he's happy.

I would not tell your ds yet but I would seek diagnosis. As for your dp fear that he will get put in a special unit he wont they are extremily hard to get into and it usually involves a big fight even for thoose with severe autism.

Agree I would seek a diagnosis too.

I have ds2, who is currently being assessed and DP who has undiagnosed AS. Seeing the difference it made to us when knowing that DP is an aspie, I would say it is even an essential thing to do because knowing that diagnosis will give him an awareness that he would not have otherwise.

I think that when your DH says that it is a fulfilling prophecy and that your ds will use it to his advantage, he is saying what he think he would have done as a child (or would do now??). Imo it has little to do with how your ds will react.

A diagnosis will take a long time so it is unlikely that even if you start the diagnosis soon you would get an answer in the next few months. But I am not sure what is the situation re divorcing parents and one seeking a diagnosis against the wishes of the other. You might want to look at all the implications on that (incl the quality of your relationship post separation)

Not getting a diagnosis doesn't mean he doesn't have AS. A diagnosis is simply a description of behaviours that fall into a category. If he has AS, he has it with or without a diagnosis.

A dx also means it is much easier to access help and support if you need it, as you don't have to go through the extra hurdle of trying to explain why your ds should need it - having a 'label' means it is much harder for eg school to deny any problems and therefore not provide support.

FWIW my ds is nearly 6yo, has been diagnosed ASD (high functioning). He is at mainstream school, with support that we fought long and hard for. Most local authorities will always try and keep a child in ms school, especially if they are at the "mild" side of the spectrum.

Personally, I would wait a while before talking to your ds about this though, just because of everything else that's going on in your lives. Perhaps there are other ways of boosting his self-esteem (re the 'I'm weird' feelings) without going into this right now.

Good luck - it sounds like a horribly stressful time for you atm. Please come and post here again if you need to, there is lots of support here