Problems with the school

[Gorta]

Hi,
I have a dd who is nine who was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. She had previous diagnoses of language impairment and dyspraxia. I have had a communication copy in her bag since September. Since I started it her class teacher ticks my comments and then stamps the day. She rarely writes in it.
I had posted earlier about asking my daughters Teacher to write in her communication copy once per week. For example if she was feeling anxious etc general feedback. This was refused and I was told she would write when necessary. I then sent in a checklist of questions sheet eg activities I was involved in today and I asked could her special needs assistant fill it out twice per week. I knew I was pushing it but this communication with the school was strongly recommended by the clinical psychologist who diagnosed her. It was not done and the copy was removed from her bag.

Anyway I was approached yesterday by the vice principal in a public corridor and i was given i dressing down, he basically told me I was causing my child to be anxious. Now I stayed calm and I explained that we were recommended using this communication book to help our dd practice her skills of giving us information about her school day as our dd is unable to tell us anything about what happens during her school day. I was told I was putting my dd under pressure and it was not necessary and the school would not be filling out this book. I have two friends with children with aspergers and their schools have standard practice of filling out these copies everyday so I didn't think I was asking too much of my dd Special needs assistant.

I must say I am really upset to have been spoken to this way. My husband and I have consistently sought help and support for our dd. we brought her privately recently to be screened for autism. We had concerns from when she was 2.5 years old and she was checked at 3.5 but it was not picked up.

I feel I am getting a clear message from the school to back off and I am very disappointed. The school amalgamated this year and it is all new staff I am dealing with.

I feel very down about this and I am upset at having to face her teacher and special needs assistant in the future. There is no point in moving schools as this is as much support she would receive in any school in Ireland. Anyway thanks for reading this and I would be grateful for any suggestions.

What a difficult situation for you gorta, I have a 10 yr old Dd with Asd who rarely tells me anything about school. Tbh, I dont think I would be able to get her teachers to write something about her everyday either. Although I have never asked. I think I am just resigned to not know what she has done as it has been the same since she started school.

I can tell what kind of a day she has had as soon as she comes out and its usually a guessing game if she comes out upset.

I have no idea how to help you I am sorry but at least you are not alone.

Good luck

Homeschool comms is critical for children on the spectrum but sadly the mere idea of it seems to make some teaching staff very defensive. They don't seem to get that it's a necessity rather than hothouse parents iykwim.

Often the EXACT same advice coming from someone they recognise as "professional" as opposed to a mere parent will be adhered to (infuriating as my Mum is a restired SEN teacher with over 40 years exp!). It may be time to formally apply for a statement if in England and Wales or to write to the LA asking for the ASD Outreach teams and borough Educational Pyschs to come in. If your private report includes the comms channel you want in writing, then include it in your application.

Copy your letter/s to the HT & chair of Governors as a matter of courtesy. Then step back and wait for the fireworks

Thank you it means so much not to feel alone in it. I would not have pursued with my request for communication book only that the psychologist who diagnosed her spoke to us about the importance of working with the school. I think I will have to resign myself too with not knowing what happens during her day.
Thank you so much for your reply Ineedmorepatience. It's great to be able to post on this board.

Hi bochead,
My confidence has really been knocked and I need to retreat for a while. I am waiting on the psychologist written report. I was very lucky as she is held in high regard and no one is questioning her diagnosis.

My plan is to bring in a professional with me when she moves on to the next year and state a case for the use of the home school communication book. This teacher has dug her heels in and I would be wasting my time and getting their backs up if I kick up now. I so agree with you on your advice that a professional will be listened to rather than a mere parent. I have brought in an occupational therapist in every year in October to explain her needs and offer support.

She is a very passive child who makes no demands on the staff. My goal this year was to work on asking the teacher for help when she didn't understand something. They worked on this for a few weeks and then it was forgotten, no gains made. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and to be told it is critical to have this communication going. I'm living in Ireland so I won't get a statement but my dd gets special needs assistant support and resource hours so it is already in place.

What a shame that they won't do that. My son's school write in his every day and it makes a tremendous difference to know what he has been doing. Also if there have been any upsets they can mention and sometimes if he says something they don't understand, it might be related to something at home and vice versa. Sometimes it is just funny stuff that he has said or done and I go oh yeah, he's been doing that at home etc. Or if he's been saying he's tired at school, might be a warning he's coming down with something or just needs an early night.

Hi limboLil,

That's exactly what I wanted to find out about. My ds is in a language unit and the ethos is of working together and there is fantastic communication. I have not given up but I will put it on hold for another time. I just cant stop thinking about being accused of causing my dd to be anxious. In her educational psychology report( which didn't pick up on the autism) the finding were she had social anxiety in school because she did not know what was going to happen next. The Ed psychologist told me that was not the case at home as we scaffold her. Providing lots of supports and strategies.
Our dd started Speech and language therapy at 18 months old and it was the best thing we did. The clinical psy that diagnosed her told us it was obvious to her the amount of intervention my dd received. Anyway I'm hurt by that comment. I don't think he even realised he upset he caused.