Dinkys school rejecting her.... Long sorry

[Dinkysmummy]

I posted this on education this morning...

My dd is only just 5, we moved to the area when she was 10months old. After checking everything out and talking to people I found the school I wanted dd to go to when she was 4. So I paid increased rent to secure the school of my choosing. I lost my job in November 2011 and in April 2012 we were made homeless. The school seemed to want to help and got her into play therapy. Her behaviour kept getting worse both at school and at home. So January they put her on the SEN register for behavioural and emotional difficulties. I found out the teacher had said she doesn't have a connection with dd.

Monday I spoke to the play therapist and she asked if I had any news on the housing front. I told her there was a couple of places but they were too far away from the school (and in a much less desirable area of the town). She asked me to go in yesterday and speak to her face to face.

When I got there the head and the play therapist were in the room. Then they started. They were saying that the school in that area is really good (was in special measures 2 and a half 3 years ago and has now been made an academy) and has spaces. That, that area is the social housing area and we were unlikely to get anywhere near the current school. Seeing as the school is split infant and junior dd wont get into the junior if we are out of catchment. (Which is semi true, places do come up in that area, just not as often as this other area, because no one wants to live in this other area.)

The head went on to say "that school would be more equipped to deal with families like yours".

It was all contradiction from there

That the teacher has said the day before that dd would make new friends in the new school and she would be fine (the teacher had previously said that dd was "very concerned about her friends" ).
They say that she will be fine,all her issues are housing related and she will thrive, yet say that this school has a nurture group and a full time dedicated and TAs who can meet her needs. (They still don't know about the referral to CDC pead. It seemed pointless to enlighten them.)
They say she needs stability and continuity but suggest taking her out of school at the same time as moving house.
They finished up by both saying that what is in the best interest off dd would be to move to this area and get her into the school there.

This really upset me! I do everything I can for dd.
I read to her every day between 1-3 books.
When she is up for wirting, we practice letters and sounding out writing words to the point where last week she tried to write 'buster' but wrote 'bustur'. Dd went to school knowing single phonic sounds and reading 1+ Oxford tree reading books.

families like yours what families where the parent reinforces work at home, spends time with the child and teaches them? A parent who the senco said was doing everything in their power to do what is best for dd?

They just don't want her there.

Today I went to lo at the outside of a place in that area as it wasn't in the worst part, and had a look at the school. It seems ok, and I'm sure dd will do better in a place where they are not trying to get rid of her. I'm just angry at the way it was done.

Not sure what to say at the moment - bumping and big hugs!!

Thanks wasuup

Do you know what dinkysmummy I think you are right, Dinky probably would do better in a school that want her, but that really is not the point.

You and dinky have been treated really badly by the HT at this school. I think you should phone parent partnership and ask them for advice. I also think you should write a letter of complaint to the school governors and copy the HT into the letter.

Then find your lovely dinky a school where she will be supported and valued for who she is. IME schools in leafy suberbs sometimes rest on their waiting lists and think that they dont need to work to keep their reputations, while they are failing their most vulnerable children.

Good luck

Dinkysmummy, there comes a point where the rights and wrongs of a situation pale into significance, because your lovely child will suffer if you don't ignore them and move on.

I should have fought for DD2's anxieties to be dealt with at her old school. They should have noticed that she wasn't comprehending text as she was decoding it. They were wrong to assume that she was fine because she was quiet.

I didn't. I bailed.

Now, I have a DD2 who is keen to go to school, who talks about other children, who has been moved down 3 book bands (and back up 1, but still) because the teacher has assessed her.

You are right. It is so wrong. But sometimes our children are more important than right or wrong.

Why don't you contact the school and ask for a chat about Dinky - if they are worth considering, you'll know it within a few minutes.

Thanks

lougle
I have made an appointment with the perspective new school for Monday. I have also bid on that property that I looked at earlier.

The school started well and I don't think I wanted to give that up, also I was trying to give her better, but to be honest there was nothing wrong with my schools in London. I'm not going to stand by and let them treat me or her like we are beneath them, and they dont deserve dinky
Also since I posted on this board I've looked into activities in the area and parks ect, and it seems like an improving area. I might get the odd "you live where?" or "you are seriously going to move there?" from a few people. But screw them, the school seems ok (high enough fences for dinkys next escape attempt ) and I went in to ask for a prospectus. It has and always will be all about dinky and what she needs. I told them dinky is SEN at SA+ so they have set me up to see the head of early years followed by the senco.
I really am coming round to the idea of moving there. It's still better then where I grew up. But I'm still not happy with the school, or the play therapist for setting it up with no warning.

You've been treated shabbily and also been on the receiving end of social stereotyping. This happened to a friend of mine whose son's behaviour was blamed entirely on the fact that she was a single mother. Turned out he had severe mental health difficulties but she had to sit through many a patronising meeting with a 'family therapist'. Honk honk

Dinkysmum, you have been given great advise by everyone. I have followed you're posts and feel for you. You sound like a wonderful mum! Also , I am learning not to judge a book by its cover, my son is a "nice" private school, we are treated in a not so different manner.... I too am going to look at schools on the " wrong" side of town! I will let you know how we get on. Good luck, forget them.....we need all our energy for our wee angels :)

How awful for you.

I struggled to stay at a school which really didn't want my son. I should have moved earlier.

Lougle is right. Move on. But you can always complain to express your 'disappointment' at their lack of inclusiveness and failure to meet the Equality Act as you go [two fingers icon]

Thank you all of you for your support
I have had so much good advice and support from the mums on here.

I am trying to turn this into a positive and stick two fingers up at the snobbish HT

walter defo let us know how you get on... Will keep my fingers crossed you get a school that suits your son!

thanks again

The best way to counteract this is to write a REALLY intelligently articulate letter to your local councillor explaining what was said to you and how.

You might want to point out in this letter, that in the light of the current economic climate, this HT is likely to have to deal with several other families in a similar position re housing to your own and so could perhaps do with a little sensitivity & interpersonal skills training, as a matter of urgency. Copy it to the Head of the Governors.

She's also being a poor role model to those children in her care if she feels free to openly articulate phrases like that. In future do ask questions like "oh so do the Mothers in that area, appreciate meet ups at the library, or have a higher standard of personal ethics than those I've seen demonstrated around here? Are the teachers better qualified? "

Sadly Hyacinth Bucket still walks the hallowed halls of the UK education system. To be poor, or a single parent, or to have the wrong postcode will ALWAYS mean you qualify to be treated as a lesser being in the eyes of some individuals. It's just a fact of life, but that doesn't mean you can call them out on their bigotry in a dignified manner.

sorry, it is late and I have not read all the posts, but want to say have a hug frorm another of "those" families. single parent, dv, tiger mother, apparently.

here quote this in a letter of complaint paragraph 2.6