The thread on AIBU

[lougle]

has made me cry

How do any of us balance the needs of our child with SN with that of siblings? How do any of us know if we're getting it right?

We won't know until it's too late

When I'm old and grey and I look back on life I will be able to say I did my best.... And I can sleep knowing that and I'm sure in 20 years time I will feel the same way

Really sorry to intrude but that thread pissed me off. I called the op a goading cunt and was promptly deleted. Yet the thread was not deleted for almost 24 hours despite loads of reports. It clearly was goady, disabilist fuckwittery. It boils my piss that mnhq will not deal promptly with stufff. You guys really dont deserve any more shit. I am so sorry.

Thanks everyone. I've realised that I'm never going to get it right, so I'll stop stressing about getting it wrong

'When I'm old and grey and I look back on life I will be able to say I did my best'

I'm old and grey, my babies are both adult now.
You never get it right all the time, but no parent ever does. You love your children lougle, all of them. You try and do what you can to the best of your ability. That's as good as it gets.

Idshag, you're not intruding. We welcome visitors [tea], and in the tin...

Feeling pleasantly superior to a bunch of numpties isn't restricted to MNSN-regulars, anyone can join in, SN isn't an obligatory pre-requisite for being a decent human being thanks goodness

Thanks for the tea and biscuits. :)

I have taken DD away without DS. He is unable to travel. He requires 24/7 hands on attention. I feel gutted that he is not able to be with us and the time away is always bitter sweet as I can't help noticing boys his age out with their families and everyone being together. I am glad that I was able to do it so that DD has some special memories of her childhood where she came first. The reality is that DS needs have been so exhausting that DD has come second I feel very bad saying that but for many years we were on survival mode here. I have tried to balance their attention needs , I hope that if and when DD has her own children she may understand a bit more but it has been very very difficult for her.

I thought about this thread this morning, after this little exchange at the breakfast table.

dd2 (5) - I've got a question

me - yes, dd2?

dd2 - why doe ds get more attention than me and dd1?

dd1-ooh, I know, I know! Because he is more important than we are!

me and dh - er, um no, really girls that is not true......

I was so taken aback by the conversation, i was completely stumped as to what to say. I feel as though we have obviously fucked up somewhere, because this is obviously how they see the family working, and we try so hard to give them lots of attention, but sometimes (like the last month of ds having pneumonia and appointments every 2 days) it is really hard.

I wouldn't worry too much hazey. I remember seeing some programme on teams, where a random group were asked to do a specific task. Apparently it was easy to tell first borns, children in the middle, second borns, youngest etc.
I think we are all partly engineered to behave in certain ways due to the order we were born in. I've always thought that firstborns must think "wasn't I good enough that they had to have another?"
DS1 says the same about DS2 but in a 'you prefer him to me' way. He totally ignores DS3 in this matter I just take it to be natural rivalry of the usurper.